Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML
Today, while at a school anti-drugs assembly, the speaker asked everyone to stand up if they knew someone who had died of an overdose. As I stood up, my friend hit me in the side, making me laugh. I stood frozen under accusing glares while the speaker bitched me out for a good 5 minutes. FML
Today, I learned that when you quit smoking, you get "Smoker Flu", meaning you feel like you're coming down with something really horrible. The good news is that my throat is so raw, I couldn't smoke a cigarette if I wanted to. FML
Today, I saw my boss, so I mentioned to him, "Oh, I quit." He then interrupted, saying, "Great, I was going to fire you this week anyway." I wanted to tell him I quit smoking. FML
Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML
Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML
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Top comments
lazytown 0
Cold turkey helps because it's yummy. You'll be too busy eating it to smoke.
Exodium 0
Isn't the whole point of School that you ask a question when you don't know something? I'm sorry, but you sound like an idiot. What will this person learn by NOT asking questions? Regardless, they actually did say "And then I realised" so they obviously figured it out anyway.
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Comments (113)
a_non_y_mo_us 0
hahaha. hilarious! i think you and i would get along.
Yulia_fml 0
I wonder what the real reason behind the expression "cold turkey" is. I'm sure it came from somewhere logical...
Jimboom 12
Cold turkey helps because you can cut a slice off, roll it up and then pretend to smoke it while you eat it. ;)
youaresofucked 0
: p
CaeliLady 0
Haaa, that made me giggle an unnecessary amount. Nicely worded FML!
myvenusdoom 0
wtf? ok im not american, i dunno if u guys all have the " cold turkey" secret code or wutever, but how on earth wld cold turkey help? like dely meat cold turkey? or just a big fat old turkey dead n cold? either ways, i cant think of any possible way it wld work, useless..
e11ie 0
To quit something cold turkey means to just simply give it up all at once, rather than slowly training yourself off of the addiction. So, instead of going from smoking a pack of cigarettes a day down to half a pack, then to a quarter of a pack, then to 2 cigs a day....the person would simply take all of their cigarettes, throw them out, and try to never touch one again. It's known to often lead to failure. It's possible to quit something cold turkey, but it's similar to going on a crash diet, after a week or so, the person gives up.
arielhoee 9
The expression was used for drug addicts who would simply quit drugs all together, & they would get goosebumps that resembled uncooked turkey skin. (:
ChairForce 0
I always wondered where that term came from. I quit smoking cold-turkey. I haven't had a cigarette in almost 2 years. I tried one puff several months ago and it made me sick. But then again, I smoked a half a pack a day at my worst.
Thrasher91 0
I actually have never ever heard of that expression since I'm from Sweden. Now when I found out about it I realized I've done that cold turkey shit! I smoked a pack and a half for 4 and a half year. I quit 8th october and haven't even tasted a drag of a ciggarette since.
xInMyDreams 0
that's good thrasher (:
LGshorty 0
huh weird
Commenter121 0
oh... so, "quitting cold turkey" is a phrase stupid me. thanks for taking your time e11ie.
wordgirl 0
Have you ever had it in a sandwich the day after Turkey Day? It's amaaaazing. The last thing on your mind after a sammie like that would be a cig. :p
LOLYLIF 0
Considering how many other people don't seem to know this phrase, its beginning to seem like this isn't much of an FML at all.