Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Today, I rescued a little boy who looked like he was drowning in a public pool. His mother then smacked me in the face for "touching him". FML
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, my boyfriend threw me into his pool. I had my phone and iPod in my pockets. FML
Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML
Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML
Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML
Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
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Top comments
kenjiisown 1
Drown him.
schwancy 2
Tell his parents they owe you a new phone, and that their son is a little shit.
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Comments (199)
RedInThaHead 0
pussy
gunman15 4
tell the dad he owes you a new blackberry even if you didn't have one to start with
Destruct0r 5
#64 smart guy
Shivermeshamrock 0
Well you did get him out of the pool. Just not for long. ',: )
snowstorm_fml 0
Make the parents buy you a new phone because his bastard child broke yours
Andygk15 3
haha u got a smartass kid. FYL
JayJayAttackAtta 5
81, what should the dad do? leave his two kids at home alone so they tear up the house b4 burning it down?
sportybri101 0
you should of grabbed the other kid and drove off! Then he would be trying to use you WET cellphone to call daddy!
TVSkunky 0
I would have beat his ass.
FerrariCake 2
If there were only two boys, there was no "eldest", only an "elder". You have to compare at least three things to invoke the superlative. If you only compare two things, you must use the comparative form. Everyone: feel free to call me "grammar nazi". I welcome it.