Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML
Today, while shopping, I saw a little girl and her mom. The girl was pouting so I tried to cheer her up by asking her if she was a princess, because she was so pretty. She smiled but her mom looked at me with disgust and told me to, "Get lost, pedo." I'm a 17-year-old girl. FML
Today, I was at the mall and I saw a kid crying. I asked her "What's wrong sweetie, are you lost?" She ran away screaming "Help me!" I ended up having to explain to a dumb mall cop that I'm not a perv. FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML
Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML
Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML
Today, I was in a shopping centre when a little girl was running up and down the aisles. She started to fall over so I put my hand out to catch her. Her mother then ran up to me and screamed about me 'touching her child' so loud that everyone could hear. FML
Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML
Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML
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Top comments
shiie 0
This is exactly the reason the world is a sick place. Lay one finger on a kid, insta-pedostamp.
hypothetically 0
Haha .. that's excellent.. i love the world
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Comments (65)
Rawrrr14 0
Kids. I hope you explained, I'm sure they'll understand.
mynameisnotjudie 0
I agree with #8. Also, if her family isn't composed of over-protective, close-minded idiots, you should be good with the whole explaining thing.
KennyP55 0
They don't think you're a pedo. The last line is the only thing that makes the FML worth posting, and therefore you had to put that. How do I know this? Because you know about the bruise, which means the situation was explained, which means you just accidentally slapped a kid with a bruise on his back and he cried. Maybe you just want to be called a pedophile?
tWitt3rBuG 0
I'm concerned about that hidden bruise and the fact that's he's sad... Hmmm. Watch him closely! I'm just saying...
Mihir 1
YDI Coz u were trying to show off!!
tem1997 0
How was he trying to show off? He was trying to comfort the kid... Just saying, that doesn't make any sense.
penizulaface 0
why you dont slap kids. they have guns now. #7 gtfo. if nobody was so worried about pedos then how the **** would any get found out?
fresch 0
How hard did you PAT him on the back?
idontgiveone 0
I think #7 meant that instead of going after the real pedo's, people point at the innocent ones (if u get what i mean) and thats how no pedos would get find out cos then if people just do that, its like pedos are actually blending in the background.
FMLwin 1
Oh crap....
jonnymohio 2
The way that kid yelled, I think you uncovered a family's dirty little secret. That kid probably IS being abused at home. Hope he was examined by the cops/hospital.