Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML
Today, while shopping, I saw a little girl and her mom. The girl was pouting so I tried to cheer her up by asking her if she was a princess, because she was so pretty. She smiled but her mom looked at me with disgust and told me to, "Get lost, pedo." I'm a 17-year-old girl. FML
Today, I was at the mall and I saw a kid crying. I asked her "What's wrong sweetie, are you lost?" She ran away screaming "Help me!" I ended up having to explain to a dumb mall cop that I'm not a perv. FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML
Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML
Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML
Today, I was in a shopping centre when a little girl was running up and down the aisles. She started to fall over so I put my hand out to catch her. Her mother then ran up to me and screamed about me 'touching her child' so loud that everyone could hear. FML
Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML
Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML
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Top comments
shiie 0
This is exactly the reason the world is a sick place. Lay one finger on a kid, insta-pedostamp.
hypothetically 0
Haha .. that's excellent.. i love the world
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Comments (65)
beautifulmess 0
OMG FYL!
Logica42 0
How do I favorite FMLs? :(
IAmShazzle 0
I DON'T KNOW EITHER
brokengirl 0
# 20 - If you think that "90 percent of what's written on this website could be explained with like a 5 word explanation", then why do you read it?
Logica42 0
33- for the other 10%, of course.
RuralNinja 0
Wow, your girlfriends parents are retards.
Oriina 0
His back? That's an odd place to have a bruise. Shoulda patted him on the head.
justxdream 0
#14: showing off? im sure he really cared, and wasn't just doing it for show. (if he didn't care, and didn't feel bad, he probably wouldn't have posted it on FML)
SurpriseButtseks 0
How did he get a bruise on his back? Are you sure you weren't trying to cheer him up by ...touching him THERE? You creeper.
paks7 0
20-if people wrote what happened to clear up the fml moment, these posts wouldn't be very funny then would they?
romeovilleanyone 0
gosh i hate kids that age. They are very annoying! haha but a good one indeed!