Miscellaneous: Today, I was at a choir convention, and everyone sings the national... - FML

By TowelSinger

Today, I was at a choir convention, and everyone sings the national anthem outside their rooms each night. I was not informed and took a shower. My roommates opened the door, yanked me out, and locked me out of the room to sing wearing just a towel. The guy down the hall was video taping it. FML

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Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Billy no-mates

Don't do favors for strangers

By springbreak09 - Mexico

Today, I left for vacation in Mexico. Upon landing, I received a text message from the guy I've been seeing. It read, "Sorry, I'm not boyfriend material. Have a good trip." I paid 75 cents to get dumped, internationally. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I was woken by the news that my car had been found, but was completely destroyed due to a fire. I didn't even know my car was missing. FML

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By FailedSalesman - United States - Lewisville

Today, I was working at our garage sale with my dad. I sat outside for 2 hours, talked to three people, and sold nothing. My dad came outside and got angry at me, so I told him to give it a shot. He sold 3 things to the first guy who walked in. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Scarborough

Today, I held hands with a male mannequin in a department store, just to remember what holding hands felt like. FML

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By fuck family - Poland - Walbrzych

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the bakery I work at. A man came in to pick up a cake he said he ordered, but we could find neither the cake nor the order form. He yelled at me about being 'incompetent' before remembering that he had ordered the cake from a different bakery. FML

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By meee - United States

Today, I noticed there was a red truck following me. I walked as fast as I could. I then ran. It followed. I slipped on some ice and fell. I was unable to get up. It stopped beside me and the driver got out. I then said hello to my husband's new car. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

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By Mikimiks93 - South Africa

Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road in the middle of the bush, I sneezed and drove right into a pole on the side of the road. It was the only pole for over 50 km. FML

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By yamblam5 - United States - Monroe

Today, it's been months since I graduated university. I still haven't managed to land a single interview. Meanwhile my brother recently woke up from a week long bender, realized he had no money for weed, went out, and 4 days later landed a well paid sales job 15 minutes from home. FML

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By ashleyyyy - United States

Today, I was pulled over for going the wrong way on a closed highway. The construction signs pointed me in that direction, and the cop agreed that they should be fixed. Did it stop him from giving me a ticket anyway? Nope. FML

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By pumboc - Australia - Glen Waverley

Today, I thought I was home alone. Likewise, my visiting grandfather thought he was alone. You can imagine the mutual surprise when I caught him stealing money from my sister's bedroom. FML

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By Jamie - United States

Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. A girl I met last night came in and said, "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML

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By HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE - United Kingdom - Dagenham

Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML

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By grounded4life - United States

Today, I tried to make my mom feel better about me leaving for camp for 2 weeks by saying I wish she would come too. She took me seriously and called the camp and is now a camp counselor there. The only problem is I lied about going to the camp, and I'm really going to my boyfriend's lake house. FML

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By leovaldez - 22/6/2020 20:08

Call CPS!

Today, after years of having seasonal allergies and months of having my throat close up, my mom agreed to see a doctor, only to insult me in front of the doctor, saying I just find new ways to make their lives harder and I'm probably making it all up. FML

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By socksoffire - United States

Today, I did my laundry. When I took it out, everything was clean, including the mouse that had been hiding in it. FML

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By pinkpurplegurl - China

Today, while taking the subway home, a woman offered me her seat. I smiled and declined. She said she insisted because of my "pregnancy". I was too ashamed to say I'm not pregnant that I just took the seat. FML

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By haus - United States

Nice try

Today, I had to go to court to see whether my driver's license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML

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By Catremorse - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

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By milkshake - United States - Pasadena

Today, at work at a car dealership, a seemingly overzealous customer shook my hand vigorously after we finalized a deal. I didn't think anything of it until a coworker pointed out that he was just trying to make my breasts jiggle. I'm a man. FML

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By Meowit - United States - Livonia

Today, it's my birthday, and everyone, family and friends, forgot. Except my dog who left me a present on my bed. FML

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By Anonymous

That's kinda handy!

Today, my boyfriend and I found out that we were cheating on each other with the same person. FML

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By anonymous

Today, we had a tornado warning and I told my parents I loved them, just in case. My dad just said "see you in Kansas". FML

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By rhartnett11

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

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By DSM - United States

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

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By maddie94 - Australia

Stained

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

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By SheaLili - United States

Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML

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By bitch - United States

Today, my car broke down. I had a two mile, up-hill walk ahead of me. About half way up the hill, a car beeped. Thinking they were poking fun at my misfortune, I began to curse and use obscene gestures, only to find out that it was my neighbor asking if I needed a ride. She drove off. FML

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By fuckmyliiiiiiife - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst cold, ever. My nose was running like crazy and my eyes were all puffy. So I stumbled over to the medicine cabinet and took what I thought were three tylenol cold's. Two hours later I'm still sick and I can't leave the bathroom. They were laxatives. FML

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By j0j0 - France

Today, I tried demonstrate to my little brother that, unlike what he sees in cartoons, it is impossible to slip on a banana peel. I'm not too sure he's convinced. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML

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By workworkwork

Today, my boss asked me to pick up more waitressing shifts because we are short-staffed. I already work seven days a week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tustin

Today, my smartphone addiction reached a new level of pathetic when I checked my weather app to see if it was cloudy outside. There was a window right behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Fernie

Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML

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By LonerCow - United States

Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML

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By KaRaSu - France

Today, whilst doing it with my girlfriend she goes :"are you done any time soon?" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML

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By Ugh - United States

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands rather rattling snoring, I finally managed it... only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

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By howrude - Canada

Today, my friends took me out to the most expensive restaurant in town to celebrate my promotion, we ordered everything with expensive drinks too. They 'took a smoke break' and left me with the bill. FML

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Top comments

By iknowimawesome | 13

#4025193 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:39

You're going to be a YouTube STAR!

By princessbits | 17

#4025201 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:40

Your roommates are jerks

COMMENTS

By iknowimawesome | 13

#4025193 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:39

You're going to be a YouTube STAR!

Reply

theaws0m3guy | 4

#4025243 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:51

TMEA?!?

Reply

Michael912 | 3

#4025421 - Sunday 12 February 2012 16:58

Well at least he'll be star so theres a bright side

Reply

ScaughtieHolden | 11

#4025433 - Sunday 12 February 2012 17:02

That's a violation of your First Amendment rights, you don't have to sing it...

Reply

sryu | 9

#4025788 - Sunday 12 February 2012 18:53

Maybe OP is not American

Reply

rttr | 18

#4026409 - Sunday 12 February 2012 22:35

Then why are they singing it?

Reply

Danny0522 | 8

#4026494 - Sunday 12 February 2012 23:15

66- the national anthem of any country, or do you believe that the US is the only country with a national anthem?

Reply

AnonymousTroll | 2

#4027600 - Monday 13 February 2012 4:36

If someone can post a link, I will be forever trolling. And grateful.

Reply

lorraineald | 7

#5159289 - Sunday 18 November 2012 0:22

Actually in some clubs when you sign up for them then you agree to doing certain things, like for example singing the national anthem. It's not violating OP's first amendment because OP doesn't HAVE to be in choir, and they don't HAVE to be at that convention.

By princessbits | 17

#4025201 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:40

Your roommates are jerks

Reply

CalCommando | 6

#4026063 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:09

Naked is the new clothed.

By Boston_4_Life | 3

#4025208 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:41

Best natinol anthem performance ever!

Reply

MyLoveDrunk | 11

#4025802 - Sunday 12 February 2012 18:57

Sorry but if this spelling doesn't bother people then I don't know what will.
**national

Reply

zeromarth | 2

#4025818 - Sunday 12 February 2012 18:59

your just a bitch

Reply

JurassicHole | 5

#4025825 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:02

41- You're*

Also, there should be a period at the end of that sentence sir.

Reply

MikeDa1Da | 14

#4026004 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:51

40- it was a sipmle typing error. Go bitch about something else somewhere else.

Reply

Naitras | 15

#4026036 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:01

simple*

You're welcome

Reply

WitchyArmyWife00 | 0

#4026080 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:13

You mean "you're welcome!".
Leaving out the"!" is like forgetting to put the cherry on top of the sundae. :)

Reply

Boston_4_Life | 3

#4027421 - Monday 13 February 2012 4:06

Dude this is FML not english class, stop worrying about how people spell and go have fun

Reply

MyLoveDrunk | 11

#4028683 - Monday 13 February 2012 8:00

81- it isn't about not having fun though, it's about settling a pet peeve.

By emba_fml | 13

#4025210 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:41

Should've dropped the towel.

Reply

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#4025416 - Sunday 12 February 2012 16:57

Not everyone wants to be eyecandy #5.

Reply

bobchickenfart | 5

#4025475 - Sunday 12 February 2012 17:12

or a whore.

Reply

ImInYourFACEbook | 8

#4025551 - Sunday 12 February 2012 17:30

"Oh say can you see"...would take a whole different meaning.

By Ecklcakes | 15

#4025211 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:42

It would have been worse if you were a bad singer.

By ScarletBloom | 14

#4025213 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:43

That's part of their culture?

Reply

rattusrattus | 18

#4025554 - Sunday 12 February 2012 17:33

I can think of many better ways to instill patriotism. For example, CHOCOLATE BISCUITS DELIVERED BY THE QUEEN. Or days off for Royal Weddings.

Reply

bizarre_ftw | 21

#4025739 - Sunday 12 February 2012 18:35

33 - I'm SO curious to hear what country you think this is

Reply

derek1719 | 2

#4026140 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:38

Hi, how are you?

Reply

rattusrattus | 18

#4026293 - Sunday 12 February 2012 21:37

They were just hypotheticals. And much better way to encourage patriotism than pulling people out of showers and making them sing.

By abbybailey204 | 19

#4025215 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:43

I always lock the door when I take a shower

Reply

absolutegrrr | 7

#4025540 - Sunday 12 February 2012 17:26

Shower curtain?

Reply

tdrtnlz | 7

#4025705 - Sunday 12 February 2012 18:28

30 - Bathroom door?

Reply

robertlovespi | 3

#4026038 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:02

Privacy locks don't keep people who want in out... They more or less keep somebody from accidentally walking in on somebody. A paper clip renders most bathroom door locks useless.

Reply

capslockisgood | 19

#4777599 - Monday 6 August 2012 1:36

30 What kind of shower curtains are you using?

By ICATiger | 13

#4025217 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:43

Me Gusta....

Reply

Jakesterk96 | 8

#4025840 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:08

J'adore....

Reply

Michael87Jackson_fml | 10

#4026283 - Sunday 12 February 2012 21:32

Not sure if me gusta.

Reply

samikitty961 | 8

#4026452 - Sunday 12 February 2012 22:52

ich mag.

Reply

jmuld | 3

#4026855 - Monday 13 February 2012 1:50

German... -.-

Reply

wittygirl | 8

#4029046 - Monday 13 February 2012 10:17

Thank you Captn Obvious. ...

By KatieKupcake4195 | 9

#4025219 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:43

At least you weren't naked. That would have been worse. Still, FYL. I'm sorry. That sounds terribly embarrassing :(

By Clamcreepy | 7

#4025229 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:46

I should be seeing you as a Internet sensation

I can't wait when tosh 2.0 gets a load of this video

Reply

Pentium_4 | 26

#4026261 - Sunday 12 February 2012 21:24

supposedly tosh is getting replaced. and holy fuck you've written 100 FML's and none were posted. FYL

Reply

Taylo12237 | 5

#4120589 - Sunday 4 March 2012 16:22

0 confirmed out of 124 posted... That's rough