Today, I was at a choir convention, and everyone sings the national... - FML

By TowelSinger

Today, I was at a choir convention, and everyone sings the national anthem outside their rooms each night. I was not informed and took a shower. My roommates opened the door, yanked me out, and locked me out of the room to sing wearing just a towel. The guy down the hall was video taping it. FML

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The student becomes the master

Weird kid

Masterchef 2020

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML

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By Username

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only with me because he's in love with my sister, who turned him down repeatedly, and I'm the closest he can now get. FML

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By Poorphone - United States - Denver

Today, my car got stuck in a foot of snow. I tried desperately digging around my wheels to see if it would help. I was finally able to get out 10 minutes later only to realize that I had dropped my phone in the snow while I was digging and had run over it. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

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By bosslady12 - United States

Today, I realized I need a new job when I had to take anti-anxiety medication before meeting with my boss. Last time we met, I had a panic attack. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I canceled my Gamefly account. Seems that was the only thing keeping us together. FML

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By wtf bro?!

Today, I got a Facebook message from a guy from my old school. I didn’t remember him, but I replied anyway. When I checked my phone after work, I had 73 new messages that went from, “How have you been?” to, “Fuck you ugly cockteasing whore,” and ended with, “You better hope I don’t catch you!” FML

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By FinanciallyF*ked

Today, after my husband applied for a VA loan so we could move out of our ridiculously overpriced apartment and into our first home as a mortgage would be significantly cheaper, we were denied. If we can afford $1400/month in rent, we surely can’t be trusted with $1000/month for a mortgage, right? FML

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By clingmaster - United States

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me. Two weeks ago she complained that I didn't act like I really loved her. I then became more involved and caring just for her to show my love. The reason she broke up with me? Because I was "suffocating her with clinginess." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 14:00 - United States

Mom hobbies

Today, on a road trip my mom got out to walk her dog. Her jar of Marijuana fell out of the car and rolled across the parking lot. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying he had to move away to be with his dad, who's just been diagnosed with cancer. After talking to his sister, I discovered that not only is his dad healthy, he's not moving away either; he's just gotten back with his ex. FML

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By "Forevor_a_potato"

Today, I have to reschedule the vacation I had planned for eight months because I have the flu, and feel too sick to go and enjoy myself at a waterpark. This vacation is the only thing that's kept me sane these last two months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Miami

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

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By Matt - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

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By Anonimo - Italy - Monserrato

Today, after a year of living with my boyfriend at our new place, he told me that he wants to sell our house and live in a trailer, so he can be closer to his mom. FML

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By Steve - United States - Lake Charles

Self-service

Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while serving a rather large party at the restaurant where I work, I mentioned that the soup of the day was "to die for". After the hosts gave me weird looks, it dawned on me that the reason they were wearing all black is because they've just come back from a funeral. FML

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By juli - Taiwan

Today, while I was driving my 27 year old boyfriend 8 hours to a Pokémon event, he realized he didn't bring his DS with him. He cried about it. FML

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By screwwyou - United States

Today, I was talking and joking with my boyfriend. He said "Hey wanna hear a joke?" I said "Yes." He said, "Our relationship." and walked away. He seriously dumped me through a one-liner. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a couple of months texted me that she was very sad because her puppy had just passed away. Feeling sorry for her, I bought her another puppy of the same breed. I wrapped it in a blanket and placed it on the passenger seat and went to pick her up from school. She sat on it. FML

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By pickit - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

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By startingover - United States

Today, I was at work in a lab. I spent all day growing a large bacterial culture. I went to retrieve it, only to find that someone had turned the incubation shaker up too high, and my flask had flown off and shattered. Not only did I lose all my work, but now the whole room is a biohazard. FML

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By life_isnt_fair - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML

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By Wisconsin love - United States

Let me Slytherin

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

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By The gay child

Today, a discussion with my father about what to have for lunch turned into a linguistics lesson, then a bible story, followed by religious anti-gay propaganda, and finally a brief discussion on why my brother would make a terrible military dictator. I still haven't gotten anything for lunch. FML

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By tarheels526 - United States

Today, the alarm on my phone went off. I picked it up, hit snooze, and dropped it back on my desk without looking. I woke up an hour later to find that I had dropped it directly in a full glass of water. FML

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By Jules - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said I look too ugly when I cry to do it seriously in person. FML

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By fuckmyjob - United States - Lake Charles

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

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By apple - Netherlands

Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML

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By tomandjerry - United States

Today, I was scolding my 8 year old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight A's like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair and when I asked why he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML

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By yova - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom called me a slut after she found out I sleep naked. This is how desperate she is for any excuse to yell at me. FML

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By dumbassbuffet - Canada

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2020 01:13

Pencil in the ass time

Today, I was in art class in which we were drawing mythical creatures. I spent the entire hour and a half drawing a Minotaur, which turned out extremely well. It turned out so well that the teacher thought I had traced it, and told me to start over right before the bell rang. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the gentle, adorable oral surgeon who took out my wisdom teeth last year was recently arrested for rape. FML

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By UFVKNP

Today, my coworker and I were swamped with coffee orders. I told him I would "take care of the blacks", and a customer who only heard that sentence screamed at me for several minutes about racism. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2020 08:00

Overdoing it

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to "dirty talk" with him. I'd never done it before, so I figured I would give it a go. I ended up getting so excited that I had an anxiety attack. FML

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By snakeboy - Australia

Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for god knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowningly drove it. FML

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By sabotaged - United States - Oakland

Today, I got fired from my dream job. I found out today that the girl who trained me lied and taught me how to do things wrong, so that when she got back from maternity leave, she could get me fired and take her job back. My new coworkers were in on her plan from the beginning. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Luis Rey

Today, while visiting family, we went to a restaurant to eat. Towards the end of the meal, I went to use the restroom. When I came back, everyone was gone. Everyone had actually gotten into their cars and left without me. I have no idea where I am and no one is answering their phone. FML

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Top comments

By iknowimawesome | 13

#4025193 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:39

You're going to be a YouTube STAR!

By princessbits | 17

#4025201 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:40

Your roommates are jerks

COMMENTS

By iknowimawesome | 13

#4025193 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:39

You're going to be a YouTube STAR!

Reply

theaws0m3guy | 4

#4025243 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:51

TMEA?!?

Reply

Michael912 | 3

#4025421 - Sunday 12 February 2012 16:58

Well at least he'll be star so theres a bright side

Reply

ScaughtieHolden | 11

#4025433 - Sunday 12 February 2012 17:02

That's a violation of your First Amendment rights, you don't have to sing it...

Reply

sryu | 9

#4025788 - Sunday 12 February 2012 18:53

Maybe OP is not American

Reply

rttr | 18

#4026409 - Sunday 12 February 2012 22:35

Then why are they singing it?

Reply

Danny0522 | 8

#4026494 - Sunday 12 February 2012 23:15

66- the national anthem of any country, or do you believe that the US is the only country with a national anthem?

Reply

AnonymousTroll | 2

#4027600 - Monday 13 February 2012 4:36

If someone can post a link, I will be forever trolling. And grateful.

Reply

lorraineald | 7

#5159289 - Sunday 18 November 2012 0:22

Actually in some clubs when you sign up for them then you agree to doing certain things, like for example singing the national anthem. It's not violating OP's first amendment because OP doesn't HAVE to be in choir, and they don't HAVE to be at that convention.

By princessbits | 17

#4025201 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:40

Your roommates are jerks

Reply

CalCommando | 6

#4026063 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:09

Naked is the new clothed.

By Boston_4_Life | 3

#4025208 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:41

Best natinol anthem performance ever!

Reply

MyLoveDrunk | 11

#4025802 - Sunday 12 February 2012 18:57

Sorry but if this spelling doesn't bother people then I don't know what will.
**national

Reply

zeromarth | 2

#4025818 - Sunday 12 February 2012 18:59

your just a bitch

Reply

JurassicHole | 5

#4025825 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:02

41- You're*

Also, there should be a period at the end of that sentence sir.

Reply

MikeDa1Da | 14

#4026004 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:51

40- it was a sipmle typing error. Go bitch about something else somewhere else.

Reply

Naitras | 15

#4026036 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:01

simple*

You're welcome

Reply

WitchyArmyWife00 | 0

#4026080 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:13

You mean "you're welcome!".
Leaving out the"!" is like forgetting to put the cherry on top of the sundae. :)

Reply

Boston_4_Life | 3

#4027421 - Monday 13 February 2012 4:06

Dude this is FML not english class, stop worrying about how people spell and go have fun

Reply

MyLoveDrunk | 11

#4028683 - Monday 13 February 2012 8:00

81- it isn't about not having fun though, it's about settling a pet peeve.

By emba_fml | 13

#4025210 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:41

Should've dropped the towel.

Reply

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#4025416 - Sunday 12 February 2012 16:57

Not everyone wants to be eyecandy #5.

Reply

bobchickenfart | 5

#4025475 - Sunday 12 February 2012 17:12

or a whore.

Reply

ImInYourFACEbook | 8

#4025551 - Sunday 12 February 2012 17:30

"Oh say can you see"...would take a whole different meaning.

By Ecklcakes | 15

#4025211 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:42

It would have been worse if you were a bad singer.

By ScarletBloom | 14

#4025213 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:43

That's part of their culture?

Reply

rattusrattus | 18

#4025554 - Sunday 12 February 2012 17:33

I can think of many better ways to instill patriotism. For example, CHOCOLATE BISCUITS DELIVERED BY THE QUEEN. Or days off for Royal Weddings.

Reply

bizarre_ftw | 21

#4025739 - Sunday 12 February 2012 18:35

33 - I'm SO curious to hear what country you think this is

Reply

derek1719 | 2

#4026140 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:38

Hi, how are you?

Reply

rattusrattus | 18

#4026293 - Sunday 12 February 2012 21:37

They were just hypotheticals. And much better way to encourage patriotism than pulling people out of showers and making them sing.

By abbybailey204 | 19

#4025215 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:43

I always lock the door when I take a shower

Reply

absolutegrrr | 7

#4025540 - Sunday 12 February 2012 17:26

Shower curtain?

Reply

tdrtnlz | 7

#4025705 - Sunday 12 February 2012 18:28

30 - Bathroom door?

Reply

robertlovespi | 3

#4026038 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:02

Privacy locks don't keep people who want in out... They more or less keep somebody from accidentally walking in on somebody. A paper clip renders most bathroom door locks useless.

Reply

capslockisgood | 19

#4777599 - Monday 6 August 2012 1:36

30 What kind of shower curtains are you using?

By ICATiger | 13

#4025217 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:43

Me Gusta....

Reply

Jakesterk96 | 8

#4025840 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:08

J'adore....

Reply

Michael87Jackson_fml | 10

#4026283 - Sunday 12 February 2012 21:32

Not sure if me gusta.

Reply

samikitty961 | 8

#4026452 - Sunday 12 February 2012 22:52

ich mag.

Reply

jmuld | 3

#4026855 - Monday 13 February 2012 1:50

German... -.-

Reply

wittygirl | 8

#4029046 - Monday 13 February 2012 10:17

Thank you Captn Obvious. ...

By KatieKupcake4195 | 9

#4025219 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:43

At least you weren't naked. That would have been worse. Still, FYL. I'm sorry. That sounds terribly embarrassing :(

By Clamcreepy | 7

#4025229 - Sunday 12 February 2012 15:46

I should be seeing you as a Internet sensation

I can't wait when tosh 2.0 gets a load of this video

Reply

Pentium_4 | 26

#4026261 - Sunday 12 February 2012 21:24

supposedly tosh is getting replaced. and holy fuck you've written 100 FML's and none were posted. FYL

Reply

Taylo12237 | 5

#4120589 - Sunday 4 March 2012 16:22

0 confirmed out of 124 posted... That's rough