Intimacy: Today, I was added to a random group chat. They were planning... - FML

By PumaGator

Today, I was added to a random group chat. They were planning to film a porno and each member sent a nude. They were all grannies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16709

You deserved it

2068

Tweet

Share

Commando

Power tripping

Management balls-up

By loveade11 - France

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11679

You deserved it

35354

Tweet

Share

By Her - Canada - Montr?al

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 months told me he doesn't know how he feels about me because he's not excited when we meet and doesn't miss me when we don't text for a while. He decides to tell me this while we're laying in bed right after having sex for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12880

You deserved it

1174

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me at the door. She told me she was breaking up with me, the reason? She found a girl's shirt in my closet and that she didn't need a cheating boyfriend. That shirt was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62322

You deserved it

12454

Tweet

Share

By Oops - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I accidentally spilled red wine on my cat. She ran away and licked the wine off before I had a chance to clean her. My mother is deeply concerned our cat is dying. I'm trying to tell her to wait 24 hours before taking her to the vet's, simply because I think my cat is hung over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7770

You deserved it

1240

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I accidentally pressed the panic button under the register at work. I didn't even know we had a panic button until the cops showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55384

You deserved it

16114

Tweet

Share

By wtfkasey - Canada - Dundas

Today, I walked in on a raccoon viciously tearing apart a giant bag of dog food, not five feet away from my sleeping dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26097

You deserved it

1972

Tweet

Share

By everybodysfool - United States

Today, after having an amazing intimate encounter with my boyfriend of 2 years, I put on an old pair of boxers I still have from when I was heavier. He thinks I am cheating on him and doesn't believe I used to be fat. Now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25927

You deserved it

4243

Tweet

Share

By bigbuldge

Roommate From Hell

Today, my roommate whipped my face with a frozen chicken cutlet. My cheek is now the size of the chicken cutlet, and now he won't drive me to the hospital because it's "too funny to look at." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1574

You deserved it

136

Tweet

Share

By unknown

Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1329

You deserved it

292

Tweet

Share

By Holding - United States - Staunton

Today, my boyfriend and I are on our way back from vacation. It will be an eight hour drive. It just so happens I got food poisoning the night before we left, and there's roadwork everywhere. We're at a dead halt with no signs of moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46063

You deserved it

3046

Tweet

Share

By aylla - Canada

Today, I was diagnosed with vertigo. It's like being perpetually drunk, but without any of the fun bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28871

You deserved it

2389

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/9/2020 02:02 - United States - Arlington

Always ask for documentation

Today, the guy I met on Tinder texted me about our date tomorrow. He seemed nervous. I come to find out his mom overheard us talking on the phone and wants to meet me. I said OK, that’s not big deal. That’s when he told me that he’s actually 17. I now hate myself because I’m 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1485

You deserved it

214

Tweet

Share

By alrightsheryl - United States

Today, is my 18th birthday. I call my parents and they tell me they found weed in the guest house and so they called my boarding school to drug test me. It wasn't my weed. They didn't even say "Happy Birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks

70479

You deserved it

4881

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, a girl introduced herself to me with the line, "Hi, I'm Anna. I have a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10891

You deserved it

1187

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Germany - Berlin

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39532

You deserved it

5776

Tweet

Share

By moron - United States

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31282

You deserved it

3715

Tweet

Share

By ruserious - Australia - Sydney

Today, I discovered my new step-dad has a rule about the shower. After three minutes, he turns the water off at the source. I had to beg him to turn it back on whilst covered in shampoo suds, and the only way I could get him to give me another minute was to forfeit my phone for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33425

You deserved it

2255

Tweet

Share

By Max - United States - Bluffton

Today, I tried to grab a coffee at the McDonald's drive-thru on my way home from work, but as I drove away from the restaurant a kid darted across the parking lot right in front of me. I had to slam hard on my brakes to avoid hitting him, in the process spilling my hot coffee all over my jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6996

You deserved it

641

Tweet

Share

By MitchRapp - United States

Today, my brother asked me what I want for my birthday, so I said that we could just hang out. He told me I should ask for something more realistic, like a gift card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19979

You deserved it

1640

Tweet

Share

By King_of_Cha0s - United States - San Jose

Today, my PE teacher yelled at me for not trying hard enough in class. This my second week back after being in the hospital with a collapsed lung. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28883

You deserved it

1722

Tweet

Share

By Rae - United States

Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54185

You deserved it

2791

Tweet

Share

By ForgottenSarahMarshall - United States - Aubrey

Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's Facebook and noticed they'd tagged my face in an old group photo as another girl. According to the comments, the girl they'd tagged me as thought it was her too. I worked there for two years and nobody mentioned the mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39224

You deserved it

5610

Tweet

Share

By anonymousyo - United States - Vacaville

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34034

You deserved it

4205

Tweet

Share

By fail - United States

Today, I found out yet another of my guy friends liked me. I posted that I just wanted a guy friend that had absolutely no romantic feelings for me. My crush volunteered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34834

You deserved it

67737

Tweet

Share

By AuntSucka - United States

Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33397

You deserved it

3661

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - North Olmsted

Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4691

You deserved it

372

Tweet

Share

By not a cancerous pimple - United States - Chester Springs

Panic

Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15286

You deserved it

27280

Tweet

Share

By ouch

Scratch that

Today, after 4 days of using anti-itch cream for what pharmacists and nurses have called “an allergic reaction”, I was diagnosed with shingles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1573

You deserved it

99

Tweet

Share

By PityKitty

Today, I pretended to cry in front of my cat because she doesn't cuddle with me anymore. Yeah, I tried to guilt-trip my cat into loving me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45083

You deserved it

12231

Tweet

Share

By disturbedgd - South Africa - Durban

Today, I had my first steamy wet dream. It contained the Power Rangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5051

You deserved it

1053

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 17:01

Bad timing

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1935

You deserved it

365

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Watertown

Today, I felt bad about rarely complimenting my mom about her cooking, so during dinner, I raved about her incredible, creamy, macaroni and cheese. It came from a box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30057

You deserved it

8190

Tweet

Share

By Pixie - United States - Mckenna

Today, I was asked if the reason I didn't like the new male massage therapist was because I was no longer the most muscular person in the spa. I'm a 5'4 woman and I don't work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5797

You deserved it

506

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Gerald

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying, "I'm not ready for a serious relationship." We're supposed to get married in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60448

You deserved it

3706

Tweet

Share

By shameless - United States - Canton

Today, I agreed to go on a date with the creepy guy from my Economics class because I'm so broke that I could really use the free meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49651

You deserved it

15218

Tweet

Share

By Snow-White - United Kingdom - Wilmslow

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45590

You deserved it

19052

Tweet

Share

By the_emilymohr

Gourmet dinner

Today, after feeding my cats, I walked out of the room. Five minutes later, I heard one of them making a hacking sound. Knowing the outcome, I went to get some paper towels to wipe up the mess. When I went in, my other cat was eating it. Certain things cannot be unseen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1249

You deserved it

206

Tweet

Share

By magicman - United States

Today, while riding my bike on the sidewalk, I came across a ladder. To avoid bad luck, I swerved around it into the street. I got hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14121

You deserved it

31324

Tweet

Share

By Good_old_Grim - Latvia

Today, I stumbled upon my girlfriend's Twitter account that I didn't know existed. A recent entry states that living with me is pathetic; "it's just that the current economical situation doesn't leave her with many options." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35522

You deserved it

2798

Tweet

Share

By cactii - United States

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35349

You deserved it

14372

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jamieblue6 | 16

#6621685 - Sunday 5 June 2016 17:01

But did you send a nude back??

By cacheson | 41

#6621668 - Sunday 5 June 2016 16:44

You should offer suggestions and ideas!

COMMENTS

By LogicalCore | 6

#6621659 - Sunday 5 June 2016 16:42

I would bleach my eyeballs.

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6621952 - Sunday 5 June 2016 23:46

Bleaching your eyes doesn't change the fact that you have already seen it.

Reply

freddygasman | 18

#6622095 - Monday 6 June 2016 5:40

it's your brain you need to bleach, your eyes have no memory.

By realitypreacher | 4

#6621662 - Sunday 5 June 2016 16:42

Lucky

Reply

I_AM_CAPTAIN_NOW | 4

#6621885 - Sunday 5 June 2016 21:39

Big surprise eh?

Reply

cprad11 | 12

#6621923 - Sunday 5 June 2016 22:52

If it's any solace, I'm a fan, #15.

By cacheson | 41

#6621668 - Sunday 5 June 2016 16:44

You should offer suggestions and ideas!

Reply

IIVIMMXV | 9

#6622326 - Monday 6 June 2016 15:42

You are in the comment section of every post. FML.

By Shawn2095 | 18

#6621677 - Sunday 5 June 2016 16:53

Nobody deserves that. FYL

By Mathalamus | 24

#6621681 - Sunday 5 June 2016 16:57

And I'm just gonna drink a lot of slurpees to get rid of that image...

By jamieblue6 | 16

#6621685 - Sunday 5 June 2016 17:01

But did you send a nude back??

By mineller | 24

#6621686 - Sunday 5 June 2016 17:07

Maybe they wanted you as the male talent? Quite a compliment.

By ThrottleJockey | 34

#6621691 - Sunday 5 June 2016 17:13

Hummers from gummers.

By otterman_empire | 7

#6621698 - Sunday 5 June 2016 17:23

I'm sorry

By Chikiriwak | 17

#6621718 - Sunday 5 June 2016 17:56

Oops wrong number ;-)