Love: Today, my boyfriend and I were in Victoria's Secret. I saw a... - FML

By littelace - 19/02/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in Victoria's Secret. I saw a picture of a model and said, "I wish I looked like that." He replied with, "Me too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 899

You deserved it 24 440

Stop talking!

Empathy lives

Late term

By oops - 19/04/2011 15:37 - United States

Today, as I was out walking, one homeless man sitting with two others asked me for something to eat. Trying to do a good deed, I bought the three men a bag of apples. They then fought viciously over them before the first man chased me for handing them to "the wrong one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 142

You deserved it 4 504

By Anonymous - 27/04/2012 15:22 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 206

You deserved it 2 560

By Ewwwww - 27/05/2019 11:59

Today, while working the register, I told a kid his total was $2.15. He then took his shoe off and handed me his money. It was damp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 956

You deserved it 103

By dundundadumb - 06/08/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, a very good friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said, "Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said, "You've made me the happiest man alive" as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 959

You deserved it 107 495

By Forever Alone x2 - 07/01/2012 19:47 - United States

Today, I found out that the only two people I've had feelings for in years are both dating each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 994

You deserved it 4 061

By makdra - 06/01/2016 18:01

Today, I found out my mom can't wait until I turn 18, so she can kick me out and turn my room into a huge closet for all her clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 190

You deserved it 2 015

By Distracted - 09/04/2015 20:11 - United States - Greenfield

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 432

You deserved it 41 870

Swiper No Swiping!

By NotAThief - 17/07/2017 20:00

Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 924

You deserved it 289

Customer relationships

By UnemployedGirl - 02/07/2021 19:59

Today, I assisted a customer at work. She was asking me all sorts of stupid questions and acting like an entitled, spoiled brat. When she left, since I had a mask on, I meant to mouth, "Stupid bitch" but I blurted it out loud. Everyone heard. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 1 406

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 15:31

Today, I finally met the cute guy I've been seeing around town. Bad news is, I was drunk off my ass, and when he told me his name, I burst out laughing because it's the same as my puppy's. He did not take it well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 313

You deserved it 37 241

Smooth talkin' dude

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 01:48 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I realized the nicest thing my fiancé has said to me all month was that I have "very suckable titties." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 801

You deserved it 5 862

By fuckmeintheeyewitharing - 03/07/2016 12:52 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I was polishing a ring I made at a jewelry shop I intern at. The ring flicked off my fingers and smashed me in the eye. It only took a single trip to the emergency room to make me pretty sure I won't be getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 729

You deserved it 1 372

Neuter your pets

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 20:01

Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 1 082

By wetdreams - 05/02/2012 00:35 - Canada

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 091

You deserved it 3 180

By FoodyFood - 19/03/2012 04:59 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 000

You deserved it 14 675

By Anonymous - 07/12/2012 04:49 - United States - Moorhead

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 203

You deserved it 6 259

By Anonymous - 19/12/2015 05:44

Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We figured it'd be awesome if I jumped from my kayak straight into his. Sounded good in theory. One flipped kayak, a pair of lost glasses and a humiliating swim back to shore later, I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 645

You deserved it 25 926

Why People Break Bad

By Gnomead - 12/08/2018 18:30

Today, I got turned down for a home for low income people because my income was too low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 089

You deserved it 195

By M.SHUKRI - 29/03/2015 12:54 - United States - Round Lake

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 741

You deserved it 3 222

Teenagers, amirite?

By JustShootMe - 02/11/2020 07:57 - Australia - Gladstone

Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 101

By please don't get the succ - 29/06/2016 18:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 575

You deserved it 644

First day

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 07:59

Today, it was my first day working at my new job in a hospital with one day of training for a few hours a week ago. I wasn’t shown around and I was told I wouldn’t be alone today. I was. I got called useless because I’m the new girl who didn’t know where to tell people to go, or how to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 49

By Darth Vomitus - 10/08/2012 18:54 - United States - Mequon

Today, I went to an amusement park with a group of friends, one of whom was a girl I really like. When we got on the roller coaster, I was ecstatic that she wanted to sit next to me. Not even half-way through, I ended up puking all over the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 451

You deserved it 5 823

By married to a nerd - 07/06/2018 20:30

Today, I asked my 4-year-old daughter where her father went. She said, "Out to have fun with Zoe." Acting on suspicion, I followed him and did a stakeout. Hours later, I barged in and caught him playing Dungeons and Dragons. "Zoe" is the female wizard he plays as. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 3 910

By parkertownparadise - 16/02/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 120

You deserved it 4 752

By meggiemouse - 09/07/2011 18:00 - United States

Today, marks the seventh day of having my nose pierced. I'd done everything I was supposed to do, even sleeping with a band-aid over it. This morning, I woke up to my piercing being ripped out by my pillow, and the band-aid nowhere in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 719

You deserved it 14 371

By ThisGirl - 21/08/2012 02:30 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I lost two terabytes' worth of photos to a friend's incompetence. He said he could save me some money and fix my slow computer for free. He ended up wiping the hard drive, and along with it, my photography portfolio from the last five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 226

You deserved it 16 415

By single - 08/08/2015 06:23 - United States - Houston

Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 666

You deserved it 1 988

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 15:38 - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 864

You deserved it 12 483

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 900

You deserved it 3 330

By Anonymous - 16/02/2010 20:48 - United States

Today, my pet rat had babies. We've only ever owned one rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 631

You deserved it 6 012

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 00:41 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were in his car when he burst out crying, I thought it might have been because we had gotten into a huge fight and he felt bad. No, he cried on my shoulder for a half hour because he misses his ex-girlfriend. He's been writing songs about wanting her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 478

You deserved it 3 948

By in_side_out - 14/01/2010 11:26 - Australia

Today, I received an email saying that the present I ordered for my girlfriend's birthday will be a week late, which makes it a week late for her birthday. I sat down and said we needed to talk, she burst into tears and apologised for 'sleeping with him,' I just wanted to tell her it would be late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 413

You deserved it 2 863

By Anonymous - 19/05/2014 18:43 - United States - Shawnee

Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 601

You deserved it 5 202

By imanidiot - 19/04/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 655

You deserved it 75 114

By Anonymous - 19/01/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 692

You deserved it 35 021

My new friends

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 18:01 - Germany - Dresden

Today, on a camping trip, where it’s raining, I'm suddenly popular. With whom? With slugs! I found one in my shoe, one in my bag, two in my cooking pot and the last one I grabbed – surprise! - on the backside of my coffee mug, which was inside the bag, on the bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 56

By TheL1nds - 26/05/2012 09:17 - Australia - Kingswood

Today, I checked my fake Facebook account for the first time in ages and realized that the fake me got more birthday greetings than the real me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 450

You deserved it 27 989

What's your damage?

By Anonymous - 22/07/2020 02:02

Today, I put my car in the garage last night so it wouldn't get damaged by a huge thunderstorm. Golf clubs fell on it while it was stowed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 313

By armtits and big pits - 05/04/2014 07:14 - United States - Cape Coral

Spicy

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 212

You deserved it 8 261

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Top comments

alley_cat_118 0

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Thursday 19 February 2009 12:54

soo.... your boyfirend wishes he was a victoria's secret model? wow. fyl indeed.

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Thursday 19 February 2009 13:16

Hah, I read it wrong... I think... I thought he meant he wanted to look like a Victoria Secret model... In that case I can imagine the FML...

Comments

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Thursday 19 February 2009 12:16

Talk about stating the obvious...

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Monday 26 April 2010 5:42

the same thing happened to me, except with raccoons :(

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Sunday 8 August 2010 15:23

WTF

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 5:17

I agree with 78, what the hell 74? Oh ad sounds like an epic boyfriend to me. (no sarcasm implied)

Fireashes250 16

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Saturday 10 August 2013 17:49

#74 I have seen about 4 FMLs that show you saying that... I'm just as confused as anyone here...

alley_cat_118 0

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Thursday 19 February 2009 12:54

soo.... your boyfirend wishes he was a victoria's secret model? wow. fyl indeed.

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 4:38

ur not the smartest he wants her to look like that

bonnieandclyde44 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:33

he said that on purpose, you douche.

camlz 0

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Saturday 21 May 2011 23:22

wow ur stupid she ment forbid to b funny god damn douche

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 13:18

Shut up douches, :) now I feel part of it.

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Monday 26 November 2012 22:13

Nononoo he wishes she looked like that. it's the unspoken truth of all relationships.

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Saturday 8 December 2012 5:40

There is so much stupidity emanating from most of these comments. It pains me.

Amkii 0

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Thursday 19 February 2009 13:12

lol I'd dump his ass.

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Thursday 24 January 2013 5:15

I'd kick yours

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Tuesday 1 April 2014 3:27

Agree

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Thursday 19 February 2009 13:16

Hah, I read it wrong... I think... I thought he meant he wanted to look like a Victoria Secret model... In that case I can imagine the FML...

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Thursday 19 February 2009 13:59

next time you open your mouth and fish for a compliment....don't.

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Monday 9 July 2012 8:56

My thoughts exactly!

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Thursday 19 February 2009 14:28

what were you expecting him to say? It's better than him lying and saying you are better looking. It's not a big deal! Although he could have just shut up and not say anything instead of agreeing...

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Thursday 19 February 2009 17:43

What, did you think he'd lie and say you're as hot as GISELE FUCKING BUNDCHEN? You done got ZINGED!!!

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Thursday 19 February 2009 18:09

ZING f'sho

mleeb 0

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Thursday 19 February 2009 19:39

well, come one. what did you expect? victoria's secret angel versus a non-angel. i think it's pretty straightforward.

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Thursday 19 February 2009 20:05

Talk about a loaded question...

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 127

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 2 635