Transportation: Today, I walked out of the store, car keys in hand, only to discover...

By picklemonger - 08/12/2011 19:58 - Canada

Today, I walked out of the store, car keys in hand, only to discover my car was missing. After a frantic search, I started to hyperventilate and a nearly had a full-blown panic attack. Then I remembered I walked to the store. I am an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 569

You deserved it 33 370

Transportation

Sorry…

Compromises

Any excuse

By mojolady - 16/02/2011 14:26

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I'm now banned from that salon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 481

You deserved it 12 335

By Quortney - 22/07/2015 04:20 - United States

Today, I was working at the local grocery store and a customer of mine, who had only bought two granola bars and was holding up my line, tried to convert me to Christianity. Out of all the people to target, she chose the shy atheist who just wanted to do her minimum wage job in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 540

You deserved it 3 051

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 05:37 - United States

Today, while I was at work at a nursing home I was attempting to dress a woman for bed. She popped me a left hook and I had to ask the nurse to look at my jaw. After my nurse said I was okay she asked me to continue getting the woman dressed for bed. She hit me 5 more times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 501

You deserved it 2 603

By damaged - 04/11/2015 03:24 - United States - La Verne

Today, I drove in heavy rain for the first time, by myself. I had been told to drive below the speed limit, and be extra careful of the cars around me. Nobody had told me about thunder scaring a cow that would then escape from the corral and hit my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 649

You deserved it 1 784

By crotchshothottie - 26/07/2011 16:22 - United States

Today, I saw my picture in an architecture magazine. I'm not an architect. I was walking up a flight of "magnificently built" stairs as my skirt lifted to show an absence of underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 467

You deserved it 38 745

By burnedboy - 18/01/2010 19:39 - United States

Today, I saw Avatar in iMax 3D. Towards the end of the movie I jump, yelled, and spilled my drink all over the people in front of me because I thought a burning piece of ash landed on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 598

You deserved it 44 484

By Anonymous - 13/08/2009 23:29 - Canada

Today, I found out that 15 years ago my father threw out my college acceptance letters so that I could stay home and take over the family's funeral home business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 547

You deserved it 3 436

By sadsenior - 13/03/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 461

You deserved it 10 035

Hangover

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 14:00

Today, I got really sick after drinking a lot of alcohol and started throwing up. Every time I threw up into the toilet, the water would splash back up into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 3 034

By Kylie - 26/01/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 968

You deserved it 28 581

By airhead2015 - 12/02/2014 17:57 - United States - Morristown

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 351

You deserved it 5 665

By omgjessp - 19/07/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 525

You deserved it 3 962

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 09:54 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I needed to buy a new helmet. When I got to the sport shop, there was only one left in my size and preferred color. 30 minutes after buying it, my head starts itching. Turns out I paid $40 for lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 878

You deserved it 2 459

By Drunkard - 08/02/2017 00:54 - United States - Tracy

Today, my boyfriend gave me grief about my drinking. This would be fine, if he were sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 061

You deserved it 781

By Sleepy - 09/10/2014 14:10 - United Kingdom - Hayes

Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 963

You deserved it 15 608

By anonymous - 17/05/2011 17:34 - United States

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 734

You deserved it 28 341

By Anonymous - 18/03/2018 15:00

Today, as I was perusing old photos with my mother, I found one of her with a "childhood friend" at her wedding to my dad. Now I know where my green eyes and blotchy neck birthmark came from, and it's not from the man I’ve been calling "dad" for 40 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 770

You deserved it 256

By BigBlue - 19/03/2014 23:19 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 127

You deserved it 5 599

By NeverGonnaGetIt - 27/04/2019 12:00 - United States - Wayne

Today, I went on my 56th job interview since graduating from college 3 months ago. I am 31 years old and I spent 11 years in college. I only graduated with a Bachelor's Degree after all those years, but I am still not qualified for anything due to how long it took me to complete my degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 1 461

By Spider-Sham - 28/05/2017 16:00

Today, my mom volunteered me to help out at her coworker's 5-year-old son's birthday party. I didn't realize until I got there that "helping out" meant "dressing up as Spider-Man". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 134

You deserved it 357

By and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 202

You deserved it 9 052

By ava_henryy - 30/04/2013 08:04 - United States - Moses Lake

Today, I had to be rushed to the hospital when I started sneezing uncontrollably and got a huge rash. It turns out I'm highly allergic to a chemical in most cleaning supplies. Great. I just got a job as a house cleaner for a very rich family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 311

You deserved it 3 005

By HatedGrandson - 07/01/2013 00:50 - United States

Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 579

You deserved it 2 148

By Briscuit - 05/12/2013 00:00 - Canada - Pitt Meadows

Today, I was granted a donation to pay for a creative writing course. When I told my mom she couldn't even muster a smile. She found her excitement later, however, when she posted how proud she was of me on Facebook. I can only get praise through my mom attention-whoring on social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 034

You deserved it 2 647

By APersonSomewhere - 31/03/2019 18:00

Today, it’s my 21st birthday. The people I invited over spent most of the time talking about their LARP group which I am not a part of and so could not participate, talked over what I wanted to watch, and then it ended with an intervention by them for me because they were upset that I was upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 247

By coppervains - 22/02/2014 18:13 - United States - Livonia

Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 607

You deserved it 8 154

By momolee - 07/07/2012 19:13 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, a woman asked why my daughter doesn't look remotely like me. I just smiled and shrugged it off, but the truth is that she looks exactly like I did before I got my botched plastic surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 990

You deserved it 42 302

By shoelace18 - 06/09/2009 04:19 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 811

You deserved it 5 928

By Saradee - 24/12/2012 04:55 - United States - Inglewood

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 012

You deserved it 10 915

By FartMyLife - 11/08/2016 11:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, the VP of my company stopped by my desk to personally deliver praise on my recent performance. I watched in helpless horror as the noxious fart I had just released slapped him in the face. He was too polite to leave but gagged through his entire speech. If farts can kill careers... FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 882

You deserved it 2 137

By Joseph N - 19/06/2012 16:08 - United States

Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 903

You deserved it 5 091

By Pita - 04/12/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 313

You deserved it 6 550

By justfired - 29/09/2009 02:57 - Canada

Today, I got fired from my job for not "interacting with customers." That's understandable. The thing is, my job didn't actually include any customer interaction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 218

You deserved it 3 182

By elipses - 22/08/2009 04:43 - Canada

Today, I got a report telling me how I had handled a mystery shopper at work. In this report I found out that instead of saying "Thank you" I had said "Have a nice day, take care." This kept me from getting my $150 bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 036

You deserved it 2 982

By bjfail - 09/01/2010 15:56 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 393

You deserved it 4 854

By nadalada - 18/02/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, My boyfriend gave me a gift card for $32 to a local salon. I thought the amount was kind of random, but when I went in I saw that the bikini wax was $32. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 408

You deserved it 13 957

Richard ?

By fartbucket51995129565 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - New York

Today, after having asked me out on Monday, the guy I like angrily cancelled our date because I "hadn't bothered" even talking to him for "several days". One day. You didn't hear from me on Monday. It's now Tuesday. That's one day, dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 326

You deserved it 6 888

By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 02:43 - United States

Today, I sat right next to the door on the bus. When I went to get up, a man tripped and pushed me down the exit door stairs. I fell down and legitimately broke my ankle. While tending to my ankle, the bus doors closed and my backpack with my laptop, notes and calculator drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 804

You deserved it 2 359

By Cxisbest - 23/03/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, as I walked home, I heard the people behind me in an argument over my gender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 931

You deserved it 10 621

By Anonymous - 20/02/2019 04:00

Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 974

You deserved it 169

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Top comments

Justforlolz 14

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Friday 9 December 2011 0:18

It's happens to all of us, don't sweat it.

noobcake111 2

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Friday 9 December 2011 0:20

I hate when something happens to you and you remember the solution to the problem and feel stupid.

dannyboy66 7

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Friday 9 December 2011 0:17

Omg omg where my keys moms gonna kill me

abbybailey204 19

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Friday 9 December 2011 0:26

1. That gas nothing in common with this fml. At. All

builditbetter09 3

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Friday 9 December 2011 1:03

Well I didn't want to say it, but since u did, I agree.. Your an idiot.

Saltime 0

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Friday 9 December 2011 1:51

My, oh my. Irony sure seems to be every today.

me_gusta_eso 1

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Friday 9 December 2011 2:24

Actually they did have their keys, just couldn't find their car.

bobbycorwen 5

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Friday 9 December 2011 3:29

45 - What?

dsbs 9

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Friday 9 December 2011 4:29

Atleast you're not an American idiot Dun du-du dun dun du-dun dudda dun

ScubaSteve96 0

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Friday 9 December 2011 4:58

Pretty sure anybody would freak out if they can't find their car.

TokinUp 6

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Friday 9 December 2011 5:17

86- You should just....I don't think there are words to describe the hatred. All I know is, I don't wanna live on this planet anymore....

TokinUp 6

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Friday 9 December 2011 6:06

Typo....too much substance leaves me a bit disoriented. Meant 81

tatababe 1

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Friday 9 December 2011 6:06

Lol admitting it is the first step :D

AliCat18 12

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Friday 9 December 2011 23:01

lol your not an idiot, your just kinda special :)

riotshield 3

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Saturday 10 December 2011 10:43

Nah, if the OP was they would have realized that they walked there before freaking out. XD

Justforlolz 14

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Friday 9 December 2011 0:18

It's happens to all of us, don't sweat it.

jwade11 12

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Friday 9 December 2011 1:03

Been there, done that!! What air- heads we can be!! :-))

tjv3 10

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Friday 9 December 2011 1:34

Knowing is half the battle

Saltime 0

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Friday 9 December 2011 1:58

Hasn't happened to me...

farhil 14

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Friday 9 December 2011 2:57

You're 15. You've probably never even driven to the store and back.

Sniperkid07 6

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Friday 9 December 2011 2:58

It's like when I'm looking for something and it's in my hand.... Yeah I've done it..... Multiple times.....

mfjkr 10

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Friday 9 December 2011 3:14

I had a car...but then I got an arrow to the knee.

norskchic 9

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Friday 9 December 2011 4:34

my mom did that. except she actually drove me to school, dropped me off, then walked back. she was almost home when she realized she drove there. oh mom....

StopDropNRoll 11

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Friday 9 December 2011 4:43

Haha my cousin did this too. He thought his truck got stolen because it wasn't in the parking lot. Turns out he parked on the side of school and forgot called the cops and everything. Got teased for weeks.

Susieee_Q 9

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Friday 9 December 2011 8:49

Ha. Yeah, it really does happen to all of us. One time I was driving on the freeway and had a mini panic moment wondering where I'd left my car keys. (: Good thing is nothing too bad happened, so brush it off. It's all good.

51194 3

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Saturday 10 December 2011 1:41

My mum calls them 'senior moments' :P

zythek 5

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Thursday 6 December 2012 8:28

Yeah. I parked my car backwards, I parked so far back the my back tires were touching the curb. I had parked next to a huge truck. When I came back out, I was freaking out thinking that my car had been stolen (even though I remember locking it). I felt like an idiot when I realized that I freaked out over nothing,,,