Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, I tried doing a hair dye at home for the first time. I misread the instructions and left the dye on for twice the recommended time. Now my hair is the color of a traffic cone and brittle enough to break if I sneeze. FML
Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML
Today, I went to the beach. After applying sunscreen liberally and doing my best to stay out of the sun, I came home with the worst sunburn I have ever had. I almost needed to go to the hospital. I am officially too pale to be allowed outside in summer. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
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Top comments
platypus546 24
gingers don't tan, silly rabbit
organizse 28
Yikes, skipped orange and went straight for lobster
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Comments (123)
Doctor_W_H_O 18
Wow I'm sorry OP, they should know to tell you that. My sister used to tell people when she worked in a tanning salon
rockydify 22
Here's another tip, since obviously no one's told you: DON'T USE TANNING BEDS AT ALL.
alliewillie 22
Really, why was it anyone else's job to tell you how long you should tan? Isn't it your job to do a little research or ask?
truble1103 10
What idiot uses tanning beds anymore
isisorchid 16
Ouch. Well redheads don't tan. They freckle. Also, enjoy that melanoma.
ohshootinoregon 4
Cancer anyone?
kbecks87 16
YDI for not even doing a cursory Google search before doing by something with the potential for negative effects.
vikky538 29
You went from medium to over medium.
genericfmluser 17
You do.know that tanning beds increase your chance of skin cancer by 60% right? you deserve it for being stupid.
daddysgirl8 21
The salon should've warned you about that.