Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, I tried doing a hair dye at home for the first time. I misread the instructions and left the dye on for twice the recommended time. Now my hair is the color of a traffic cone and brittle enough to break if I sneeze. FML
Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML
Today, I went to the beach. After applying sunscreen liberally and doing my best to stay out of the sun, I came home with the worst sunburn I have ever had. I almost needed to go to the hospital. I am officially too pale to be allowed outside in summer. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
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Top comments
platypus546 24
gingers don't tan, silly rabbit
organizse 28
Yikes, skipped orange and went straight for lobster
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Comments (123)
bandit223 6
That's your own fault. You need to look shit up before just stupidly harming your body
KC0618 8
Tanning beds cause cancer
meghancuma 14
That's what you get... YDI
militarybrat 21
Ever heard of skin cancer? Ydi for being dumb.
messymessiah 11
You deserve it for going to a tanning bed. Have fun with that cancer.
TisAPenguin 16
This is why I did research before I started tanning. And I mean actually do research. No one you ask will have all the answers. Little tip for next time.
jk_waks23 19
You know tanning can cause skin cancer? Just saying! :)
Notyomomma 0
As a fellow red head: we fit most of the "not allowed to tan" guidelines they have. You should have known you burn easy especially if you've ever gone outside.
kerbear1232 16
The first time in a tanning bed for me, the bed malfunctioned and I was in there 25 minutes instead of 8... It was horrible.
missko519 17
For those asking, when I asked for a bed at my gym, the lady just told me to the bed and that there was a 3 minute delay before it started. She set it for ten minutes. I assumed it was okay.