Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, I tried doing a hair dye at home for the first time. I misread the instructions and left the dye on for twice the recommended time. Now my hair is the color of a traffic cone and brittle enough to break if I sneeze. FML
Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML
Today, I went to the beach. After applying sunscreen liberally and doing my best to stay out of the sun, I came home with the worst sunburn I have ever had. I almost needed to go to the hospital. I am officially too pale to be allowed outside in summer. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
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Top comments
platypus546 24
gingers don't tan, silly rabbit
organizse 28
Yikes, skipped orange and went straight for lobster
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Comments (123)
abNormal62 23
Apply aloe each day and wait a week It's no different than tanning outside In the mean time crank the tunes to "Rock Lobster" and wait it out
Scryll 17
You win the Internet because of the rock lobster reference
SydLovesLacey 18
Tanning isn't good for you any way.
CARCA55 12
Hey at least you match now, silver lining
chronicB 19
quick! someone put her out!
Benny_Boi 9
I have my dad's ginger skin complexion, so I know exactly how you feel, but it isn't rocket science that sun beds get hot, quickly.
ellymae96 25
Ouch. Assuming you won't go back now op!
dope_mcfly 24
Asking for skin cance. YDI
Scryll 17
Damn near everything gives you cancer these days
bluefairy_fml 24
True, but some things (like tanning beds) are riskier than others. And since they are completely useless (the only thing they do is feed shallow people's ego), you'd have to be an idiot to risk your health using them.
Scryll 17
True but how do tanning beds and being out in the sun all day compare, I doubt the sun is any better... Some jobs require you to be outside all day in the sun, and although sunscreen lotion is available usually it isn't applied due the job being a trade and 'manliness' being placed in the job site. However, if you are tanning just for a tan you may want to rethink your healthy choices...
xygen 19
#22 all she wanted was a base tan then she probably wanted to go tan in the actual sun.
mistress_paz 30
Actually tanning beds are linked to increased incidence of melanoma in youth. Being in the sun is not as damaging.
JazNim17 18
The concentration of UV light is higher in a tanning bed, not to mention your skin is a lot closer to the source of said UV light than it is to the sun. It does make it more harmful. That's why I don't use tanning beds, but I don't mind small amounts of sun.
missko519 17
#39 is right. I know I tend to burn. I wanted a base tan to avoid that, since I was going to spend all day Saturday at the Renaissance Faire in my town. Gypsy outfits don't have much sun coverage.
Chiharo 15
I laugh to hard on this one lol
mcrkilljoy15 2
It being your first time, you should have asked questions about how long to be in the tanning bed.
interesting33 37
Ross Geller?