Miscellaneous: Today, I unwrapped my present and, to my surprise, I had gotten...

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 08:30 - United States - Evergreen

Today, I unwrapped my present and, to my surprise, I had gotten a repair manual for my truck. Apparently, my parents are "Tired of seeing that piece of shit in front of our house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 468

You deserved it 23 012

Miscellaneous

Triage

Best teeth in the game

That weird family down the street

By Noname - 16/02/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 464

You deserved it 76 631

By Anonymous - 28/11/2015 04:21 - United States - Erie

Today, I learned not to take sex tips from virgins seriously. "Have sex in the shower", they said. "It'll be fun", they said. Well they didn't take slippage into account. One busted nose and concussion later, I'm not seeing the "fun" part at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 112

You deserved it 7 322

By fmcsl - 13/04/2019 20:00

Today, a customer bought a luggage tag and asked what it was for. I explained and she asked if she had to hang it around her neck. I explained again and she said she didn’t have her luggage with her so did she have to hang it around her neck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 805

You deserved it 156

By Anonymous - 16/09/2011 06:36 - United States

Today, after weeks of watching car after car of solo drivers go by in the carpool lane every day, I decided to join them. I'm the one who got pulled over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 926

You deserved it 35 136

Effective

By WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner - 16/11/2015 06:44 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 064

You deserved it 3 455

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 16:23 - United States - Mulino

Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 462

You deserved it 5 468

By soontobewidow - 28/03/2015 09:20 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 160

You deserved it 3 958

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 18:37 - United States

Today, after shoveling one guy's steps, sidewalk, and driveway for two hours straight, I went to ask for my money. He said, "Work is its own reward!" and shut the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 461

You deserved it 5 850

By blabla - 28/10/2011 13:30 - Brazil

Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 259

You deserved it 12 956

By Anonymous - 08/10/2015 13:07 - United States - Niles

Today, I had my first open job interview, which is when a group of applicants are interviewed together. I also found out that despite being great at one-on-one interviews, I will panic and make myself look like a complete moron when I'm part of a group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 480

You deserved it 2 343

By strokingitasitype - 07/04/2012 19:12 - Canada - Gander

Today, I cleaned my computer screen for the first time in ages. When I turned it on a few hours later, I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out why the brightness was suddenly so painfully high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 610

You deserved it 27 505

By Username - 06/11/2010 17:58 - France

Today, at my cousin's baby shower, there was a discussion on what to name the baby. When the name Jacqueline was brought up, I made a face and exclaimed, "Ugh, I hate that name!" I was then informed that's the name of my cousin's mother-in-law. She definitely heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 598

You deserved it 27 513

By Broken Leg, Broken Job - 10/05/2018 01:30

Today, I was fired for not having a reliable mode of transportation. I’ve only had to take the bus recently because three days ago, my boss’s son was messing around in the parking garage, lost control, and totaled my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 254

You deserved it 207

By InAnAwkwardSituation - 25/08/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock. He said "Hi I'm Jeffrey, and this is Jeffrey junior" while directing attention towards his penis. It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 238

You deserved it 3 014

By manhood fading away - 25/12/2016 20:24 - United Kingdom - Heckmondwike

Today, because it was our first Christmas as a couple, I was careful to get my girlfriend what I considered to be a very thoughtful gift. She opened it, took one look at it, made a face like I'd just kicked a puppy, and told me that in future it would be better if I just gave her money so she could buy her own presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 939

You deserved it 737

By anabolic - 27/02/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, my boss said he was giving me a significant raise. After he requested the payroll department to raise my salary they informed him he needed to fill out a one-sheet form. He took my raise away because he didn't want to fill out that sheet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 613

You deserved it 2 727

By jmitch1209 - 28/01/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, I was potty training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 846

You deserved it 3 843

By scarredforlife - 16/08/2012 04:05 - United States - Bethesda

Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 776

You deserved it 1 867

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 13:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that when I thought the bullying had finally stopped, the bullies had actually been sponsored to be nice for charity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 181

You deserved it 2 710

By Disturbed - 30/12/2008 20:27 - United States

Today, I just found out that my brother in law and his wife frequent a swingers establishment that me and the wife have visited. Which is OK I suppose (providing we never see each other there) but he told me his parents go there too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 163

You deserved it 6 343

By weeks - 19/08/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, my mom explained to me that looking up gay porn on the internet is bad. I didn't look up gay porn. The only other person who uses the laptop is my dad. I couldn't tell her the truth and had to pretend I enjoy gay fanfiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 308

You deserved it 5 502

By cumbucket cops - 16/03/2014 17:53 - United States - Barberton

Today, I found out that my unemployed husband has his own web-comic, that he makes money off it, and that it mainly involves the main character's airhead, money-grubbing wife ruining his life. She looks strikingly like me and shares my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 479

You deserved it 7 048

Nice guy DESTROYED by FACTS and LOGIC

By Anonymous - 07/09/2020 04:02 - United States - Akron

Today, after a year and a half, I finally cut things off with my ex completely because I was starting to have feelings for someone else. Right after I cut my ex off, the other girl that I liked cut things off with me, and threw my ass in the friendzone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 1 762

By Anonymous - 16/08/2016 16:10 - United States - Richmond

Today, my ex-husband introduced our daughter to her "new mommy". That's the third time this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 112

You deserved it 1 189

By NoMoreMeters - 29/10/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, during my fourth solo day working as a meter-maid, I had a vehicle towed for being parked in front of a fire hydrant. The vehicle belonged to the governor. I'm scared to even show my face at work next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 259

You deserved it 4 852

By Anonymous - 11/03/2014 22:27 - United States - Remus

Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 444

You deserved it 7 175

By fatface - 13/04/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 052

You deserved it 3 755

By Anonymous - 04/07/2012 18:01 - United States

Today, I called my mom to see how she was doing. She quickly hijacked the conversation and said that she's signed me up for a dating site, because she feels bad that I can't find a decent man. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months, and she's seen me with him multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 451

You deserved it 2 372

Man's best friend

By Theresa - 10/10/2020 17:01

Today, at my daughter's soccer game, my nephew's dog helped herself to the Snowball I was eating, leaving fur on the side she didn't lick and left it unsalvageable. She peed on the blanket I was sitting on, tried to bite another kid, and went on to pop my kid's soccer ball that she'd used twice since I purchased it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 286

By Benjamin - 25/01/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 718

You deserved it 3 029

By TJ - 08/08/2012 11:23 - United States - Lacey

Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: +1. About an hour later I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: -200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 427

You deserved it 2 807

By Salzburg - 06/05/2019 12:00

Today, my sister and I got a room in the attic of an old hotel, while our parents got a room several floors down. We discovered the room was full of bugs. Our parents didn't believe us, so we brought them some as proof. They told us to get over it. We can't sleep. We've killed 50 and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 990

You deserved it 163

No, of course she's not…

By so racist - 25/06/2020 02:02

Today, my mother burst into tears when I told her I was engaged. They were not tears of joy, however. She was crying because although she insists she’s "not" racist, she was crying because none of her grandchildren would be "pure." My fiancé is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 266

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

By hippie88 - 05/10/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, I figured out why I've used triple the amount of cellphone minutes than I usually do over the past month since moving out. Is it because I suddenly have a social life now that I'm living on my own? No. All those calls were made to my mom because I'm lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 312

Kitchen nightmares

By Clumsy - 24/08/2021 11:01 - Brazil - Niterói

Today, I accepted I can't cook at all. Why? I burned myself cooking popcorn in a microwave oven. I accidentally burst the package open and a scorching kernel flew into my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 162

By ponyboy - 22/01/2010 22:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she suspected me of cheating. She thought I was cheating because she caught me sneaking out in the middle of the night. I was sneaking out to plan my proposal to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 260

You deserved it 4 170

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 08:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me that I appear to have gained some weight. After realizing that it made me feel depressed, he tried to make me feel better by making love to me. I decided to go with it. While doing so, he paused and said "I'm sorry baby, but your weight is too much pressure for my back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 164

You deserved it 8 567

By Anonymous - 26/06/2016 17:45 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I overheard my friends laughing about how my anxiety means I'll be single forever. I was too anxious to confront them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 890

You deserved it 1 561

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 14:46 - United States

Today, I was at the doctor's office and the doctor asked me "have you been having any intimate relations?" and the first thing that I blurted out was, "you mean with other people?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 312

You deserved it 71 655

By Badabim - 30/04/2018 20:30

Today, 5 minutes before closing, a customer was taking a bike from the row while I helped someone else. The customer ended up pushing the whole row down and left instantly without even apologizing. It took me about an hour to pick up the bikes and check for damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 531

You deserved it 197

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Top comments

saIty 17

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 15:53

HOW DARE THEM DISS OPTIMUS PRIME!

nycwrestler 17

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 15:54

Maybe it's time to fix up your truck.

saIty 17

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 15:53

HOW DARE THEM DISS OPTIMUS PRIME!

nycwrestler 17

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 15:57

...DINKLEBERG!

OscarDV 8

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 16:14

How dare YOU diss Optimus Prime! Referring to him as "that piece of shit".

iCake 13

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 16:16

The war has officially begun...

gracehi 31

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 16:30

In that case, I don't blame the parents. I wouldn't want an 18 wheeler in front of my house either.

nycwrestler 17

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 15:54

Maybe it's time to fix up your truck.

DingoCJ 15

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 17:04

You're old enough to have a truck sooo, move it or move out... In case the Christmas present wasn't enough of a hint.

MaggsAllLoaded 2

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Thursday 27 December 2012 7:58

haha they are just looking out for me. I've been wanting to fix it for a while

gracehi 31

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 15:57

They're saving you thousands of dollars in auto shop repairs... Or has your truck degenerated into a literal piece of shit? In that case, the best thing to solve that problem would be a shovel.

TML329 14

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:30

A new(old) truck might have been a better gift

emeraldisle 30

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 15:59

So much for being subtle about it.

howdeedoo 22

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:01

No one said that they were trying to be subtle. My guess is that they were trying to make it NOT subtle

emeraldisle 30

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 20:37

No shit. I was being sarcastic. OP's parents are being the complete opposite of subtle.

cosmosis 12

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 22:22

Subtle like a sledge hammer through a glass window...

twinkiefeets 17

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 16:00

Then fix it. You don't want to be the neighbors with the truck on cinder blocks.

Feverrotes 15

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 16:02

Looks like it's time to call MTV and get 'em to pimp your ride. (do they still air that show?)

meow_jess 11

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 16:57

It ended a while ago.

Feverrotes 15

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 17:13

Cool, thanks for the info. I stopped watching MTV whenever they started airing Jersey Shore.

stewpididiot 11

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 16:06

I live across the street. I chipped in for the repair manual. Them fuckers ain't cheap !! So fix the fuckin thing before i have towed away !!

cosmosis 12

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 22:27

Who are you to tow a vehicle away off someone elses property? ... Thats the "stewpidest" thing ive ever heard.

Needafarm 22

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 16:08

Really OP. You are complaining about them giving you an opportunity to fix it before they have it towed. You are seriously hurting not only their house resale value, but the whole neighborhoods. FFS, it's in the front yard.

Lioness8197 18

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 17:02

How is OP's truck hurting everybody's resale value?

TheDrifter 23

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 17:26

The quality of vehicles in the neighborhood affects peoples impressions when coming to look at a house. Rusted out Chevys on blocks in the driveway give the impression of a lower income area, which are known to have statistically higher crime rates and more domestic abuse calls (lousy neighbors)

lukep135 6

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 19:24

No one is not going to buy a house because there is an ugly ass car 8 houses down. Don't be morons

youknowimright 5

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 21:19

36 wait till you get to the real world.

lukep135 6

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Thursday 27 December 2012 4:49

The real world? I help my parents out with real estate, the only people who would give a shit for something so insignificant are Asians, and they only nitpick about ridiculous superstitious garbage

testestestes123 4

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 16:09

If you have a car in your driveway sittin on cinder blocks...you might be a redneck.

nycwrestler 17

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 16:28

If you're name is testestestes123, you might be a pedophile.

SoSickWithIt 14

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 18:39

If you have two men wrestling together in leotards you might be a closeted homo.

nycwrestler 17

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 18:55

Haha nice selfie, bro.

SoSickWithIt 14

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 20:40

Thanks.(:

HortonThelephant 15

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 16:25

Unless this so called manual is titled: Automotive fiberglass, plate steel welding repair, and painting for Idiots, you're screwed. Just because it is cosmetically ugly, doesn't necessarily mean it isn't mechanically sound.