Money, Health, Transportation and Geek: PokeCrash

PokeCrash

By BrokenPoke - 09/01/2018 09:00 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my wife screamed to stop the car in an intersection, so I slammed on the brakes. From the left, an SUV rammed full force into us. My wife is unharmed, but I now have a broken left arm and our car is totaled. On the bright side, she caught the Pokémon in the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 496

You deserved it 902

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 22:00

Today, I found out my roommates spent my rent money and told the landlord I never paid. I've paid my rent and theirs the past 6 months. My name's on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 404

By Rockyio - 30/09/2009 17:45 - Canada

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend called me at work and offered to take me out to lunch. When he went to pay for the meal, his card was declined so I told him not to worry and that I would pay for the birthday meal. He looked at me and said "It's your birthday?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 264

You deserved it 3 585

By meh beard - 18/01/2016 23:42 - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 456

You deserved it 1 586

Galaxy brain

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 17:01 - Australia

Today, I found out my boss wrote me up because he heard me crying on the phone, and that it was unprofessional. I was talking to my sister, who was telling that me my father had died. Three weeks ago, he was crying about his dog breaking his leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 56

By Nick - 08/07/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 370

You deserved it 11 745

By fatty - 14/08/2014 03:46 - United States - Madison

Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 308

You deserved it 15 794

By ohdeardarling - 14/06/2009 13:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I went over to my boyfriends house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 676

You deserved it 60 172

By kimm1993 - 03/08/2013 04:29 - United States - Chicago

Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 635

You deserved it 8 428

By alanh69 - 26/08/2014 19:12 - United States - Woodward

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 240

You deserved it 6 386

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 17:25 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I found out that ever since I got my blonde highlights, I've been mocked behind my back at work, and nicknamed "The Skunk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 823

You deserved it 13 385

By WhyM3¿?¿ - 31/03/2019 04:00

Today and so far not a good year. I'm still taking care of my mom who is sick from cancer and I seem to be the only one to help her (I'm the youngest btw). I pay the bills, clean, cook, work, bathe and feed my mother I'm exhausted I'm only 18... But it's not that my sis called me SELFISH Today...FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 650

You deserved it 154

By Anonymous - 07/10/2017 01:30

Today, while pulling out of my work parking lot, I had a piping hot coffee tossed at me through my passenger window. I don't know if I was more amazed by this guy's exquisite aim or the fact that his coffee was so sweet I tasted the diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 951

You deserved it 222

Give Me Novacaine

By implantme - 11/05/2017 14:00

Today, I learnt that my tooth is cracking due to a crown that was put in this past October to prevent the previous crown from doing that. Cheers to an implant at 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 003

You deserved it 231

By bluesox4 - 06/02/2012 05:50 - United States

Today, I found out that the only thing worse than a psycho, overbearing, controlling girlfriend is a psycho, overbearing and controlling ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 191

You deserved it 4 110

By Yupppp. - 11/02/2015 06:25 - United States - Flushing

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 201

You deserved it 5 267

By :( - 17/11/2013 20:27 - United States - Pearland

Today, I got my dad to fill in a questionnaire my teacher handed out on Friday. One question said "I would like to see my son/daughter ______." My dad wrote in the blank: "less often." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 357

You deserved it 4 519

By buryuntime - 03/03/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paper work. Later, she asks me, "What does Caucasian mean?". I ask, "Why?". Apparently she didn't recognize the word so she checked "other" and wrote in "white". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 445

You deserved it 5 453

Dumpy baby

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 18:00 - United States

Today, on my birthday, my mother described my birth like a large, painful bowel movement in front of all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 143

By ekaay - 16/01/2018 15:00

Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 987

You deserved it 962

USA Number One!

By Anonymous - 06/01/2021 23:30 - United States - Wynnewood

Today, I live in the same country that deployed the National Guard to suppress peaceful BLM protests, yet allowed a bunch of psychotic Trump supporters to break into the Capitol. I’m ashamed to be human right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 586

By himtopia19 - 03/03/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 583

You deserved it 16 396

By Screw My Parents - 22/12/2015 04:45 - United States - Barrington

Today, my parents confirmed we were going to be taking a Disney World trip for Christmas vacation. I already knew that we were taking a trip, but I was now missing a week of school. Being in 3 honors and an A.P. class, I said that I didn't want to go. I got called an "ungrateful, little prick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 221

You deserved it 8 544

By Anonymous - 14/12/2014 07:19 - United States - Reno

Today, I spent well over an hour waiting for customer service to assist me with my forgotten password, only to realize, 5 minutes into the conversation, that I had never created an account in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 238

You deserved it 28 784

By hotandbothered - 03/02/2010 06:24 - United States

Today, I was developing film at walmart. It started to get a little warm, so I began taking off my sweatshirt. This creepy old man approaches me, saying "You know, usually girls like you are paid to take their clothes off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 517

You deserved it 4 320

By illuminatzi - 03/10/2015 02:32 - United States - Temple

Today, I was running late for work. I forgot my name tag and work hat at home, but my boss is pretty laid back, so I wasn't worried about it. Five minutes into my shift, the district supervisor walked in for a surprise employee inspection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 392

You deserved it 5 987

By Anonymous - 16/05/2017 16:00

Today, I've been yawning every few minutes. Which would be fine, except every couple of yawns my jaw dislocates, and I have to put it back in place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 128

You deserved it 322

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 16:41 - United States

Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 965

You deserved it 47 129

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 08:07 - Canada

Today, I went to Britney's concert. About halfway through the show, the person next to me turns to me and asks, "Can you do me a favour?" Thinking that she wanted me to look after her stuff, I said sure. Her next sentence was: "Can you stop singing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 042

You deserved it 44 122

By Anonymous - 20/07/2016 22:28 - United States - Columbus

Today, I went to a new doctor. While filling out charts she looked up and said, "I'm assuming you are single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 700

You deserved it 916

By scaredofcutouts - 10/10/2012 21:44 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 920

You deserved it 2 313

By jannister - 13/08/2012 19:25 - Germany - Bad Blankenburg

Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 830

You deserved it 2 139

By Himynameisjacob - 05/01/2010 07:18 - United States

Today, I was told that, although I was sick on the last day before break, they would still accept the 24 page essay that I had written. Tonight, as I went to print it out, I found that my dad had "cleaned up a bit" on my computer, including the documents from last semester. I have school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 486

You deserved it 3 315

By imblue42 - 24/06/2015 05:16 - United States

Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 188

You deserved it 3 682

By Jesus - 21/04/2009 14:39 - United States

Today, I was playing guitar on the sidewalk and had my guitar case open for tips. A man came up with a folded piece of green paper, smiled and walked away. After I was finished, I looked at my tips. I unfolded the paper, it was a note that said "You suck!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 907

You deserved it 11 430

By regected - 30/08/2009 12:19 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with the girl I liked. She kept on eating my popcorn so I whispered in her ear "Pretty soon your going to have to repay me with kisses." Then she looked at me and walked out the theatre. She came back with a bucket of popcorn and said "Here, you're repaid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 793

You deserved it 45 295

Little shit

By NoPocketforme - 04/04/2021 00:30

Today, I ate the last Hot Pocket in the house. My little brother threw a temper tantrum and poured a bucket of water all over my desk and Macbook. My mom’s response? “Aw he’s just a little boy.” My brother is 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 71

Good question

By Juliett - 29/08/2019 19:00 - United States - Wisconsin Rapids

Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 724

You deserved it 271

By Kate - 23/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 880

You deserved it 8 943

By ItWasHotAsBalls - 22/12/2016 00:56

Today, my mom was out of the house, so I decided to make her a gift. I went into the garage for supplies and somehow ended up locking myself in for the next 2 hours. Not only that, but I cut my hand with the rusty paperclip I used to try to pick the lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 493

You deserved it 1 614

By unfortunateMother - 18/09/2012 19:51 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I found a Justin Bieber shrine in my daughter's closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 121

You deserved it 4 005

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Top comments

TheHarvardian 25

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Tuesday 9 January 2018 18:06

For the people saying he deserves it, if someone screams, and I mean literally screams like it's life or death, in the car for me to stop, I'm going to hit the brakes because maybe they see something that's about to go wrong that I didn't notice.

Symphoniaes 32

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Tuesday 9 January 2018 15:22

Don’t blame Pokémon Go - I play on both my husband’s and I’s phones while he’s driving. I would *maybe* ask him to pull over or turn around to grab a Pokémon if it were incredibly important to the game, but never in a MILLION YEARS would I endanger lives for a Pokémon. You and your wife need to have a serious talk. A very, very serious talk.

Madrias 36

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Friday 5 January 2018 13:34

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

interesting33 36

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Friday 5 January 2018 18:00

I don't know, it sounds like OP was driving normally but thought they had missed something and would hit someone as their wife had screamed out of the blue, so dangerously.

Liongoddess8 18

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Tuesday 9 January 2018 19:18

I think you've read the situation wrong - the wife was playing Pokémon Go on her phone whilst OP was driving and because she was about to miss the Pokémon, she yelled stop and her partner (the OP) obviously thought that there was a real-life incident about to occur when she yelled stop and so they slammed on the brakes, causing the accident to happen. All I can say is that OP's wife obviously has a problem with addiction and should probably get help because she nearly killed them both.

Gundel 22

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Tuesday 9 January 2018 15:03

Your wife acted more than just foolish, I hope she will pay for the damage...

Symphoniaes 32

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Tuesday 9 January 2018 15:22

BeardedLondoner 24

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Wednesday 10 January 2018 8:31

Do blame Pokemon go and the idiots who play it.

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 9 January 2018 15:41

You are a hero, sir! If not for your brave sacrifice, the SUV surely would have killed the poor, little Pokémon. You are a credit to humanity...and Pokémonity!

Lobby_Bee 17

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Tuesday 9 January 2018 16:00

This one will make an interesting story on your insurance history.

Glowworm56 25

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Tuesday 9 January 2018 16:08

Sometimes you just gotta catch them all!

Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20

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Tuesday 9 January 2018 16:25

Guess that ppl in a driving car shouldn't play pokemo go, regardless of who's driving...

BeardedLondoner 24

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Wednesday 10 January 2018 8:30

That's right. It's a stupid game for brain dead, consumerist, zombies. Any person that plays it and are above the age of 13 are cunts.

Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20

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Tuesday 9 January 2018 16:25

There's a reason it's called pokemon GO and not Pokemon DRIVE

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Tuesday 9 January 2018 17:09

The OP wasn't the one playing Pokémon Go, his wife was.

LeoCor 18

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Monday 15 January 2018 7:03

Funny because “Go” is a term for movement or starting up, not walking. So technically Pokémon Go can very well mean driving at the same time. However OP wasn’t play with the game and if he was, there is warnings all over the game

AzrielB 8

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Tuesday 9 January 2018 16:47

This doesn't make sense unless OP was running a red light, ydi

neuronerd 28

Tuesday 9 January 2018 17:13

Yeah. I was thinking the same, or that the other car was running a light. The only possible thing that could make sense is if OP had a stop sign, and went to cross when he had just enough time to make it before the other car, but in that situation, they'd be highly aware of the other car(s) coming. Given that he's saying she yelled to stop to catch a Pokemon, if he had been at a stop sign, she could have gotten it easily, so the only reason to yell about stopping would require OP to be going at a decent speed. Therefore, someone was running a light to make this plausible.

Liongoddess8 18

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Tuesday 9 January 2018 19:24

Maybe the light just changed as he went through, but obviously the light wouldn't have accounted for someone braking suddenly at an intersection - either that or the other car was running a red light. Nevertheless, still a dangerous place to stop and I completely blame the wife.

PhoenixChick 26

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Tuesday 9 January 2018 22:30

Running a red light, in a parking lot, crossing lanes of traffic, driving straight across a busy road...wtf does it matter if you can reconstruct the accident in your head?