Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML
Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML
Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML
Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML
Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML
Today, I took my dog to the vet. He sat on my lap the whole car ride, licking my face and acting like my best friend. As soon as we got inside, he turned into a Tasmanian devil and pissed on my shoes, all while looking at me like I'd betrayed him. FML
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Top comments
flashback.miss 28
well, your dog illustrated his point to your pastor... But out of curiosity, why did you need to have your dog stand in front of the church to prove the point of a sermon? Image?
elephantsarecute 16
It would be even funnier if the sermon was about chastity.
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Comments (40)
Tim2415 16
Wow. All dogs go to heaven, so why not... Ha!
Dre27 20
Time to go to the V-E-T and get neutered
blurose 6
Male dogs still hump after being neutered.
MorsFalce 12
Some times dogs will just mount, to show dominance over the other.
ibmike22 13
Holy crap! That's dog-gone crazy!
GEFStryker 29
Outside are the dogs and sorcerers and the sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices falsehood -- Revelations 22:15 Bad idea, it would seem.
ninjuh_wingman 29
I'm not sure what sermon a dog standing on front of a church is suppose to illustrate, but your dog certainly illustrated something to the pastor.
rt156 16
I've never laughed so hard while reading a FML. Dogs can be really unpredictible sometimes.
TylerBurden 21
Pls don't vote "I agree, your life sucks" anymore. It has 666 votes. Stop it. m/
monnanon 14
you must have a pretty liberal church if you can bring in a dog. obviously the dog was not happy being made to play along in a religion that doesnt recogonise him as anything but a second class citizen and protested the only way he knew how. either that or he is just a dog acting like a dog and i have uneccessarily anthropomorphized him.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Your dog clearly disagrees with abstinence :D
uglyluckgirl 8
You sly dog!