Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my mom visited, and I left her for a few minutes while I used the bathroom. While I was stuck taking a crap, she went on one of her religious rants, telling my children that Easter was off this year because their precious "pagan" Easter Bunny had been murdered. FML
Today, I went to a party dressed as a zombie. Everyone admired my hilarious "zombie dancing". Those were my regular dance moves. FML
Today, during my uncle's funeral, my four year old loudly asked, "Where's all the dead people?" FML
Today, I had to go to a birthday party for 10 year-old triplets. They've all been dead for more than 9 years. FML
Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML
Today, what started as a fun family Easter egg hunt turned within minutes into my mother-in-law's big chance to be a dramatic cow by screaming at my 5 and 7-year-old daughters for participating in a "vile pagan ritual" and saying that we're all going to hell. They're still bawling. FML
Today, I was hiding Easter eggs around the house when my 7-year-old triplets woke up from their nap and saw me. They quickly realized that I am the Easter Bunny, and then they guessed that I am Santa. Now I have 3 crying second graders. FML
Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML
Today, I had an Easter Egg Hunt in my backyard for my kids. When they collected all the eggs, they opened them and to their dismay there was no candy inside. When I bought them, I thought they already came with candy. It’s been two hours and my kids won’t stop crying. FML
Today, my brother in law brought a dead rabbit to my nephew saying, "I found the Easter Bunny!" My nephew started crying hours ago and hasn't stopped. FML
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Top comments
frank_b102 9
Well that kid definitely deserves a raise in his allowance!
91hayek 31
Well that's one way for the church to market Jesus to kids. Also 3 days to respawn like in video games.
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Comments (60)
martin998877 12
There's far more evidence for zombies than there is for Jesus.
hplover7 11
Your child is awesome!!!
efolwick 2
That's parenting done right.
martin8337 36
Nicely said.
ZoroMiHawk 25
There are still fools in the world who believe in an imaginary dude (who conviently is a perfect being who loves everyone without question) in the sky who can rise from the dead (with a 3 day cooldown), and is so powerful that he can see everyone and be everywhere?
Lomus 24
In fairness, the perfection and benevolence of God seems highly unlikely. What about that time he sent bears to kill 42 kids because they called a priest bald? Really loving and forgiving...
weveallbeenthere 30
yes, Jesus was the first zombie, I keep getting in trouble because I tell my kids that all the time.
bazookajoey 27
Well he's not wrong...
worldclassrager 41
I find that cute...
Kpotassium 4
But it was like a zombie. happy zombie magician day, everyone!
IHaveThePower 18
Religion is kind of wasted on children, they neither understand nor care. At least he enjoyed himself at the party.