By brokenhearted - 19/01/2016 14:59 - Sweden - Kung?lv
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That is a pretty bad thing to do at a time like that... But he is right(about the dynamic part). I'm sorry you're having a rough time, but you aren't alone. I can say from experience that it gets better, and you come out stronger in the end.
That was a really douche move, he could've helped you and then that dynamic wouldn't be true anymore. Boom saved relationship
Life is not as simple as that. Someone who feels that almost everything in life is bad needs more help than it is fair to expect one person to do. And most people in OPs situation go through a very long rough time (years). He is not obliged to wait it out until she's going better. Rough timing, though.
I might be a terrible person, but I'd probably end up breaking up with someone who told me I was the only good thing in their life as well. When you're living a healthy life, socially speaking, you have several people to fill the positions in your life - your friends, your family, your significant other, acquaintances you share hobbies with etc. It's not fair to expect one person to fill all those roles for you and puts them under way too much stress - and at that point, I personally would have to prioritize my own psychological health over my partner's. A relationship should be the cherry on top, not the entire cake.
So very well said. I know it seems like a dick move on the part of the boyfriend, but it's unfair to demand one person fill all ones emotional needs. A boyfriend/girlfriend should never be the *only* good thing in ones life--no one should have to shoulder that kind of stress. Unless, of course, the OP was using hyperbole and was just expressing that she was going through a rough time. Then yeah, boyfriend might be a douche.
I think expecting your SO to 'save' you or to solve your problems is really unhealthy. It creates a dynamic where one person feels all the pressure and responsibility for the other one's happiness and the other person becomes dependent on their SO and doesn't learn to live life for themselves. While I agree it was unfortunate timing, I don't blame the guy. If you need saving, you're not ready for an SO. It's unfair to expect someone to stick around to be the only good thing in your life.
I kind of understand about the dynamic part, because if you build your whole life around one person or thing and it's not there anymore, then you could end up lost/maybe depressed/suicidal, who knows, like how some people get when their family members die? But I think trying to expose you to more people and things might have been better than dumping you
I agree. It's not healthy, and super stressful, when someone says you're the only thing keeping them going. However as you said, I think if he really valued her and the relationship it would've made more sense that he at least try a few things to help her get through it (like exposing her to new people/activities, encourage therapy, ...) and then end the relationship if it didn't work. He's entitled to dumping her immediately after she said that, but it does sort of imply that he viewed the relationship as something not worth the effort of at least trying :/ That is unless this has been going on for a while (there could be important info left out) and he finally couldn't take the negativity anymore. It's a sucky situation all around :(
You deserve better than someone that would just breakup with you over something like that! Things will get better, OP :)
How do you know that her boyfriend hadn't been on the verge of breaking up with her anyway though? If someone is at the point in their life where their SO is the only good thing in their life, they've probably been a lot less fun than they used to be for a long time.