Today, I told my 13 year-old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming, "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Same thing different taste
It's not what you think!
Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworkers put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML
Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML
Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML
Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Love and hate
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. They found her on the roof, threatening to kill herself. I had to pretend to sound scared and sad over the phone, but in reality, the only emotion I could feel was extreme joy. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Thanks mom
Today, I checked my inbox and realized I got an email from a potential employer, saying they were having trouble getting a hold of me by phone. They called while my mom was using my phone to look up directions to a place, and she answered, kindly hanging up when they asked for me. FML
Stalker or just dumb?
Today, the daughter of a patient called me, again, on my direct line after I repeatedly told her she had to go through the secretary for non-urgent matters. She said, "OMG, are you serious?" and hung up on me mid-sentence while I was talking about her father. FML
Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML
Top comments
noshitsherlock 0
WOW. Since it was so ******* important (HELLO, JOB), you should punish her by making her live off of the bare minimum for at least a month - NO CELL PHONE AT ALL, basic shitty food, no new clothes, etc.
Simbo_fml 0
wow. you have a really messed up daughter.
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Comments (246)
FuzzyWalnuts 0
Smack that bitch ubtil she bleeds
tony8pie 0
Is her father Satan? YDI for raising a selfish brat!
igneel54 0
Im not that old but my parents disciplined me. Im tired of seeing kids get away with crying till they get what they want. My brother tried that one time, he got smacked. Hard. And im not saying get carried away, but teach her discipline. thats what most kids nowadays need
Crunchy08 0
I don't agree with the whole not spanking your kids deal. I'm an 18 year old pre-Ned student and I got beat till I was 14, I never "rebelled" at least not in the typical sense, because my parents didn't have issues with me. I don't drink, I don't smoke, don't plan on having any kids for a long time either. But when I do, trust and believe that if they did something like that to me they will be beaten. yea when I was younger I was afraid of getting beaten, but I just knew not to do anything wrong or disrespectful. Plus my mom (my dad neve laid a hand on me) always explained to me why I was being punished so I knew she was beating me for the fun of it. And this was with a belt btw. So yea, i would be beating that child and selling her toys to make up for the money that I lost by not getting that job. And then I'd drop her off at Quagmires house.
dramatic11 0
I was raped when I was 11. That pisses me the **** off. Rape is not a joke. I would put her in some sex education courses or some program where it teaches that rape is not funny.
no1willknow88 0
cancel her phone, and whoop her butt, then take away everything that you are not required to give her. take away the computer, tv, ipod, EVERYTHING. then she will see how lucky she was that you only took away the phone in the first place.
kahyia 0
@ 112 the effectiveness of spanking really depends on what your calling "success" If you call success the mere fact that the child will stop the bad habit, than no matter what your sources say i would have to argue that spanking/ negative reinforcement is much more effect than positive. For example look at Hammurabi code of law one of the most effective codes of law ever in exsistence. There are numerous laws which basically state, "if a person is caught stealing they hand is cut off" Now tell me given that code would you steal? So do not try to argue that negative reinforcement does not work. Now i am not suggesting a parents do anything like that just trying to show that negative reinforcement can and does work well But if you call success the child recognizing stopping the bad habit AND recognizing right from wrong than I would agree spanking ALONE probable is not the most effective tool. However when combined with actually talking to your child too I think it is a fine tool and i do not think that spanking blurs the line of actual physical child abuse. I think that that is just an excuse child abusers and very conservative people use to bad mouth spanking. The is a very clear line between spanking and actual child child abuse. taken from http://helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm "Many physically abusive parents and caregivers insist that their actions are simply forms of discipline, ways to make children learn to behave. But there’s a big difference between giving an unmanageable child a swat on the backside and twisting the child’s arm until it breaks." Both the child and gaurdian know once the line has been crossed (whether they are willing to admit or not is a different story). I, as well as just about everyone in my family AND childhood neighborhood was spanked and we all turned out fine. (I personally currently attending an Ivy league university, most of my family has either graduated college, or have a steady technical job, and most of the children in my neighborhood are currently in college). However there was one kid in my neighborhood whose father DID physically abuse him. After he finally admitted it and went to counseling he actually told me that he knew for a while that what he was experiencing was not right, but he just did not want to admit. just my two cents
Best_Loser 0
50 lashes if she wants to eat.
alalalascrewed 0
Ahahaha, i think shes awesome. She did get what she waanted, she got at you. Your screwed now. I think she'd be my frend..
reggiyman 0
sucks for you cause you did that but your fault cause you didnt whoop her 4$$ when she was younger XP truth hurts