Today, I told my 13 year-old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming, "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworkers put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML
Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML
Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML
Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. They found her on the roof, threatening to kill herself. I had to pretend to sound scared and sad over the phone, but in reality, the only emotion I could feel was extreme joy. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, I checked my inbox and realized I got an email from a potential employer, saying they were having trouble getting a hold of me by phone. They called while my mom was using my phone to look up directions to a place, and she answered, kindly hanging up when they asked for me. FML
Today, the daughter of a patient called me, again, on my direct line after I repeatedly told her she had to go through the secretary for non-urgent matters. She said, "OMG, are you serious?" and hung up on me mid-sentence while I was talking about her father. FML
Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
noshitsherlock 0
WOW. Since it was so ******* important (HELLO, JOB), you should punish her by making her live off of the bare minimum for at least a month - NO CELL PHONE AT ALL, basic shitty food, no new clothes, etc.
Simbo_fml 0
wow. you have a really messed up daughter.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (246)
ObadiahtheSlim 2
If your kids do that at 13, you have failed as a parent.
viral_fml 0
Well, may as well teach that bitch a lesson and make her accusations come true. :D
xFaust_fml 12
She's either stupid, or you spoiled her. Anyways FYL, cause she's a real bitch.
jn13_fml 0
Ya. I'm sorry you have 2 live with her
Flounder 2
13 year olds are hell, but if they are pulling crap like that, then I agree with everyone else that it is probably largely (if not entirely) YOUR fault. Either that or you got really, really, really unlucky and have a totally uncontrollable bitch for a daughter. In either event, she needs to be punished severely. You do NOT **** with someone's livelihood.
jn13_fml 0
Not all 13 year old girls r like that and I needed a cell phone when I was 13 because I had to call my parents when my practices were over.
romaunts 0
I had practises that young, and younger, and older. I never needed a cellphone. I have never ever needed a cellphone. No one /needs/ a cellphone. No one /needs/ a phone at all. You need to learn about necessities and what 'need' really means. And sound does your daughter, OP. Bahh. Seriously, make her live on basics and slave-work her.
ghembob 2
YDI for not backhanding the little shit enough when she was younger.
FromCFL 0
YDI for not parenting your child. And for not explaining the situation to the caller. (Unless the caller was a complete moron, he'd be able to figure put that you're not raping the brat.)
ihatestupidppl 0
Yeah they might be able to figure that out, but depending on the kind of job it was, I wouldn't be surprised if an employer thought "If this person can't keep their kid under control, how can I expect them to do this job?" Maybe that would be an unfair judgment, but that's life.
etantao 0
Kill her.
aback 5
All you're required to give the little bitch is food, shelter, clothing and supervision. She needs to learn this the hard way.
Pointy130 0
My sister did that once, but with ****** noises.