Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML
Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML
Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML
Today, I put my boyfriend's t-shirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then sent him the pictures. His reply was, "Can you wash that when you're done?" FML
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Top comments
bladomas 2
why not both? serve him while naked
ManInTheMachine 20
I think you took him too literally, OP. Guys are crazy about the kinky cook. Just put on an apron, start cooking, and pasta might not be the only thing on the menu. ;)
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Comments (67)
crazytwinsmom 25
Tell him you're dressed up as someone who doesn't give a crap about his dinner.
jazix 1
Honestly, like every comment so far is completely and utterly retarded. Leave him cause he doesn't want sex? If that were the norm, I'm pretty sure the only relationships that stood a chance would be homosexual. Should a guy dump his girl every time she turns him down? Uhh... no. He's probably worked a full day of work and would rather eat then do yet more work, so most of you need to screw your head on a little tighter. An embarrassment to guys everywhere? Dafuq? I think that's you for insinuating that any guy that isn't mindlessly sex crazed is an embarrassment. Dumbass.
jazix 1
maybe not every comment, but more then I care for.
Tuffay 14
Soooo, homosexuals are sex crazed freaks that have to have sex constantly? Lame Dude!
goalexp 4
You're a bitch. What if I said I was a homosexual? I'm not sex addicted or anything. **** you. It's people like you that make me want to cry
ClassyCommando 13
I'm pretty sure what he meant was that partners of the same gender would have similar sex drives. Not neccessarily correct, but not offensive, either.
NotAlwaysRight 11
Omg this is ridiculous lol. The guy was hungry...instead of taking offence, you should have cooked him food in an apron and stilettoes
LemonandLime 13
Personally I prefer my man to say please and thank you when asking me to cook dinner that night, and smart-ass comments result in him doing it himself. If you like being spoken to like that, then that's fine. I just don't like being a doormat.
TheDrifter 24
Maybe his eager tone was lost in translation? Read his response with an excited tone and it sounds more like he was stoked about the idea if a sexy cook than an attempt to be rude.
loserman67 36
Should have told him that you were going to invite him to eat at the "Y" when he got home, but you will honor his request, dress like his mother and make him a meatloaf! Everyone has needs, he thought of his own over yours!
ClassyCommando 13
Ah, and what are his needs? Food. And her needs? Sex, apparently. He's allowed to not be interested and ask for food, that's not an unreasonable response. The guy's probably ******* hungry.
crazytwinsmom 25
Love that... dress like his mother and make meatloaf!
SmittyJA24 26
Feed him first ... then **** him!!
NotAlwaysRight 11
And not to mention why should a guy grovel every time there's a naked woman....god that's ridiculous and an insult to guys
vintage3113 6
This.
gracehi 33
No one said he had to grovel. He could have simply said, "Sorry, baby, I'm just not up to it tonight," instead of being a dick about it.
LemonandLime 13
It's an insult to guys the way he spoke to his lady.
Enslaved 38
Sometimes hunger overpowers horniness! Can't expect him to overlook that grumbling stomach, can you?
crazytwinsmom 25
You're name fits your comment.
sammyjanette 17
That's easy. You probably have some Halloween candy lying around. Dump it on a plate, and voila dinner is served.
DocBastard 40
What's your beef with him? Do you expect him to be waiting for you to pork him, at your bacon call all the time? Are you chicken to spend a quiet night at home? You should be a deer and meat him halfway.
Feared 9
I veal boared now. What a jerk.
Calingaladha 21
Be a lamb and don't encourage such smutton. This is a prime example of ribbing that goes too far.
gracehi 33
This thread is making me hungry.
klovemachine 24
And horny :D
noisebox 1
He must have been for food instead!
gracehi 33
Come on, lady! You can't expect him to sexercise on an empty stomach!
gracehi 33
Why is that comment a reply? O.o I apologize for the accidental thread jacking.