Kids: Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute... - FML

By ripdivine - United States

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

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Walk on the wild side

Great boyfriend

Fucking Facebook memories

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same. So I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What does he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML

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By Demetria - United States - White Plains

Today, I had to go down to the county police department to bail out my kids who thought it would be a good idea to try mugging an ice cream truck driver. FML

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By mushroommouth - United States

Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend, the love of my life. Actually I ran into a billboard for her college, where apparently she is the new "poster girl" for their advertising campaign. I have now seen her on 2 billboards, a newspaper ad and a bus. FML

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By knickedleg - France

Today, I was using Veet instead of shaving, so that the razor wouldn't cut up my legs. I cut myself with the plastic utensil that you're supposed to use to remove the Veet. FML

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By "Levi2411"

Today, I'm babysitting. The kids have only been home at the same time together for 15 minutes. Two of them have punched each other and the other is running in circles screaming. What is wrong with this picture? FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Maries

Today, my mother and grandmother informed me that my sixteen-year-old dog died. I was standing in Wal-Mart at the time. They then yelled at me because crying in public is "inappropriate." FML

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By cantgetabreak

Today, my boss reprimanded me for not finishing my work on time. Yesterday, she cut an hour from my schedule every day until further notice. FML

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By notthebesttime

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him a blowjob. He then seemed confused as to why I didn't finish. FML

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By love4cheese1197

Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Frome

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

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By atleasthelistened - United States - Spokane

Today, I discovered my boyfriend listens way better in his sleep than he does when he's awake. FML

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By Anonymous - Israel - Netanya

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML

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By tahneee

Today, I went to a function with my dad for a football team. Handing my dad the camera, I finally worked up the courage to ask for a photo with my favourite player. The guy was looking at my boobs in all three photo attempts. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I offered an elderly man my seat on the train. He thanked me by winking and offering me a seat on his lap. FML

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By a-mishunderstanding

Today, I was working in costume at a recreation of a Confederation-era town. I had to convince a visitor that it's not, in fact, an Amish village, and we do actually leave after five. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after my son graduated from nursing school which I, as a single parent, paid for with blood, sweat, and tears, during his grad party he was asked what his next step was. His response was, "Eh, I kinda realized I hate nursing." FML

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By idiot - United States

Today, I was sitting in my car waiting my shift to start. I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to a call from my boss firing me. I was in the parking lot. FML

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By CWoah - Canada

Today, it was my court date for a car accident I was involved in back in July. I had spent months preparing a case to prove my innocence. I was scheduled to appear at 10:00 this morning. I woke up at 10:15AM. FML

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By jhulich - Sweden - H?gersten

Today, I found out that my mom isn't coming to see me for Christmas. Instead she'll be spending it in jail for a DUI and battery. Thank you to my cocklick of an aunt for taking a recovering alcoholic to a bar and pressuring her into relapse. FML

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By space_cadet90818 - United States

Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother (who thinks I'm a hypochondriac) began to scream at me about "making up an illness". When I asked for my meds, she called me an addict and dumped my $300 prescription down the sink. FML

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By highlydisgusted - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I went on a first date. He left me standing at a bus stop while he took a dump in some bushes. FML

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By collegekid - 17/5/2020 14:00

Marriage story

Today, after 25 years of marriage, my parents decided to get a very nasty and extremely expensive divorce. Using my college tuition to pay for it. FML

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By PCJJacket - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

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By JillianJuneBug

Mexican Standoff

Today, I had no choice but to use a public bathroom. I have issues going when there are others in the stalls, and apparently another person did as well. We both sat there in silence, waiting stubbornly for the other to give up and leave so we could go. It’s been 20 minutes. FML

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By sounds good mom - United States - Katy

Today, my mom took away my car, phone, dog, laptop and college fund because I told her she lets me down sometimes. I'm moving to Arizona for college in two weeks. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after 4 years of college to get a BA in Marketing and 2 years to get an MBA, I landed a great job as a receptionist. My boss likes to fist bump when I buzz him through the security door correctly. FML

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By unifail - Canada

Today, I drove to my university to pick up forms and books. When I parked at 2:58 there was 30 mins on the meter. I returned at 3:32 only to find a parking ticket issued at 3:31. The worst part is, the books were not available until next week and I could've got the forms online. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

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By shouldhaveknown - Australia

Today, I finally thought that my mother was okay with me being a lesbian. Then, over dinner, she turns to me and says "So, do you still think you like girls, or are you going to start being normal again?" FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2020 20:02

"Based on your purchase history…"

Today, in the break room at work, I was looking through my email on my phone about my Amazon orders. There was a suggested product that looked like a dildo. I turned around to see my boss behind me glancing at my phone. FML

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By randomguy - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

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By YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK THE CUSTOMER - United States - Sherwood

Today, at work, a woman came up to the snack bar and ordered a pretzel with no salt. When I served her the food, she angrily complained about it having no salt, followed by her throwing the whole thing in my face. FML

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By Ms. Piggy - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was shopping for dresses when my fiancé turned into what I can only call a groomzilla. He told me and my maid of honor that we need to lose weight because he's not "paying all this money for a pair of fatties to not look good." FML

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By roofer - United States

Today, I was working on a client's roof. Some neighborhood kids thought it would be hilarious if they knocked over my ladder. I was stuck on this roof in serious heat. I caught the attention of a pedestrian to come to my rescue. It was a little old lady. She gave me the finger and left. FML

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By raz - United States - Fargo

Today, a woman stopped me and started chewing me out for wearing a pentagram necklace. I explained to her that is wasn't a pentagram, it was a Star of David. She continued chewing me out because apparently that still means I hate Jesus. FML

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By cars hate me - United States - Compton

Today, my car was rear-ended and totaled. Last year, during the same month, my previous car was rear-ended and totaled. I should just stop driving during the month of February. FML

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By rewarded - India

Today, for the second time in 5 months I was recognized for my hard work, sincerity and all the adjectives that they use to describe good employees. What was my reward? A piece of chocolate. FML

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By ouch - United States

Today, I finally finished vacuuming my downstairs. Instead of finding the wall outlet and unplugging the vacuum, I triumphantly tugged the cord from across the room to release the plug from the wall. It flew at me at top speed and hit me in the face. FML

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Top comments

By bobdole | 0

#6576 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:05

the economy is rough. lemonade is expensive.

By jm88 | 0

#6570 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:00

Awwww. $20 well spent, IMO. You made that kids day.

COMMENTS

By jm88 | 0

#6570 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:00

Awwww. $20 well spent, IMO. You made that kids day.

Reply

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1016186 - Wednesday 2 June 2010 7:40

shoulda smacked him.

Reply

kfchiken | 0

#2456069 - Wednesday 4 May 2011 6:52

you got hustled by two little kids lol

Reply

Edwinadii | 4

#3923856 - Sunday 22 January 2012 11:41

Thats what the kid wants you to think! O.o

Reply

CRAZYKILLER420 | 4

#4541998 - Saturday 9 June 2012 1:36

You should have gotten 80 cups of lemonade then lol

Reply

thatsexychiq | 6

#4565251 - Thursday 14 June 2012 7:11

How long did it take you to figure out that math hm?..

Reply

Miss_Whipped | 43

#5965544 - Thursday 5 June 2014 0:54

A little over three years. :P

Reply

bcalle | 8

#6317647 - Thursday 11 June 2015 23:08

That would have been the perfect time to do a math lesson

By Cecona | 0

#6571 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:02

awwww! thats so cute! I hope you let them keep it.

Reply

nitrogirl | 0

#1030015 - Monday 14 June 2010 6:03

I hope so to!!

Reply

Stand_Up | 0

#1278396 - Saturday 21 August 2010 3:49

Me too! Hehe

Reply

ahti546 | 11

#2947448 - Friday 22 July 2011 0:37

OP go get your fuckin money back!

Reply

forest1wolf | 9

#3143930 - Saturday 20 August 2011 5:36

^IKR Get it back!

By abcde_fml_fml | 0

#6575 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:03

hahahaaha

By bobdole | 0

#6576 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:05

the economy is rough. lemonade is expensive.

Reply

Clare420 | 0

#1007453 - Wednesday 26 May 2010 4:49

lol, #4 made my day

By bobdole | 0

#6584 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:28

Yah, you gotta take into account manufacturing overhead.

By Dr_Phil | 0

#6608 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 21:08

I agree with #14. F the kids. $20 for lemonade?!?

Reply

JKr3slEMO | 5

#4662310 - Sunday 8 July 2012 2:30

hey she made the kid happy so stfu..well he actually made himself happy but who gives...?

By afroshinizzle | 0

#6614 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 21:19

That's cute and nice.

By hotpinkcowgirl | 0

#6620 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 21:34

i cosign with #10... but gotta admit #14 has me LOL!!!

By CHRiSPeONiTuS | 0

#6622 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 21:36

That was you?!

Reply

Awahso | 25

#5920588 - Sunday 20 April 2014 19:50

Oh man; people still try to pretend that they were on the other end of the FML?

By Idyedmyhairblack | 0

#6623 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 21:38

you should have bought 80 lemonades.. :P