Anonymous
United States
Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Southfield, United States
Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML
Taylor505
Ocala, United States
Love is love
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
anonamous
United States
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Imgonnahaveabf
This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff
United States
Not welcome here
Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML
Anonymous
United States
Doggy dog world
Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML
mykhael
Opelousas, United States
Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML
Jimii Liu
United States
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
I think its dead
Brandon, Canada
First impressions
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML
This may take awhile
United States
Good boy
Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML
Anonymous
Fresno, United States
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Top comments
hare 19
you need to hump him so he understands who's in charge
docscientist 10
Slowly add distance by sticking a prosthetic hand on an extendable pole.
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Comments (134)
smamlatina 4
omg thats happened to me i was like 5 so creepy
Clouded_Rhino 0
YES MAN!!!~~
hockeyplaya2029 0
he owns you now
Sassybq1 13
he's telling you to never stop cus your just that hot and you stroking him makes his boner better lololololol JK.
CxiiBunneh 0
Pet te doggie....
salyssac 3
lmao that's just funny
Chaos5 0
Next Fml I stopped petting the Doberman and took a chunk of my skin with it. That would suck.
amadan 0
Awe cute. You let the dog own you, need to show him who's boss. Then again he's not your dog and your not his master. Damn dogs :-)
Suff0c8r 0
Dobermans are famous as the ONLY dog that doesn't growl. Research a LITTLE before you fake and FML and get a life
Razman201 14
Guess someone made a new friend =)