Work: Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work.... - FML

By ilovebigmacs - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

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Rock, hard place

Surprise strike

Fuck the patriarchy

By DennisQuaide69

The date from hell #5676

Today, I went on an a date with a guy I met online. We were waiting in line at Starbucks when he turned to me and said, "Do you want anything?" Just before I was about to answer, he practically shoved in front of me and paid for himself. The cashier looked more horrified than I did. FML

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By deadhamster - United States

Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML

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By ohshittttttt - United States

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After calling her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working as a carhop at Sonic, my roller skates ran over some gravel and I fell, causing me to drop a tray of food. I found out later that one of the customers had deliberately done that to see if I would trip. FML

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By trippybmth - United States

Today, after doing tons of research on a wand my little brother wanted for Christmas, I finally found one on eBay for $60. After already giving my credit card info and confirming the purchase, my dad called me and told me he found the exact same one for six bucks at a local toy store. FML

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By pencilring - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, despite filling all the parameters for a model employee and being praised by multiple people over the time I was working, I was fired because a client complained to my manager that I didn't seem to know what I was doing. FML

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By IhatebeingtheDD - United States

Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML

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By 3sacrowd - Canada

Today, while I was in the middle of making love with my boyfriend, I mentioned bringing another lady in the picture to spice it up. He looked at me and said "let's ask your sister." He then got dressed and called her. FML

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By NoJob - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, I had my first interview. Everything was going well until I made him repeat his name numerous times, as I couldn't understand what he was saying due to his thick accent. FML

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By Dandruff - France

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

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By busted - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

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By mariana - Canada - Toronto

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

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By Not Engaged - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

Today, my long-term boyfriend said that if we ever finally get married, his ex-girlfriend will definitely have to be a bridesmaid. FML

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By make america date again - United States - Blacklick

Today, after months of daily migraines and doctor's visits, I've now been told that my "temporary" hearing loss has nothing to do with my migraines, nor is it temporary at all. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 23:00

Appearance matters

Today, I tried thinking of the best way to kill myself without leaving my body intact enough for people to continue to judge. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife and I had one of the biggest arguments we've ever had, which resulted in her leaving, going to her parents' house and calling me twice, screaming and sobbing. The argument was over a seven dollar bottle of wine. Apparently, she was "saving it for a special occasion." FML

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By Anonyme - France - Lyon

Today, Murphy's law didn't check out: my piece of toast didn't fall on the side containing the spread of jam. However, when I leaned against the corner of the table to pick it up, I knocked a full ashtray on top of it. FML

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By iJuli - United States - Billings

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be a good idea to break up with me in his car. I had to walk home. FML

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By kat124ever - United States - Apo

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost track of time while rocking out, butt-naked, to Kelly Clarkson and Michelle Branch after taking a shower. Three of my metalhead friends had let themselves in my house and were on the lower level laughing their butts off at me for 30 minutes before telling me. I'm a 23 year old guy. FML

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By Kali - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. They spent five minutes explaining job duties and I listened with anticipation. Then they spent five minutes explaining why I wasn't the right person for the job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my new girlfriend was telling me how she's attracted to "All-American" looking guys. Tall, manly body, handsome face. Then she says, "But it's ok, you're cute too." FML

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By Anonymous

Thanks, but no thanks

Today, I got fired from the community service I was doing out of kindness. FML

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By anon - United States - Mantua

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. -Mom and Dad." FML

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By apparentnerd - United States

Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML

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By fun - United States

Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the mother of one of my students bitched me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2020 20:08

All weddings are themed

Today, I went to pick up my wedding dress from the seamstress, only to find out that my fiancé called two weeks ago to say I wanted the dress "tie-dyed to match our new theme." She believed him. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

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By PhDdaughter - Switzerland

Today, the electrician came because our kitchen light has been flickering. After examining the installation, he screws the lightbulb tighter in the socket. My parents both are PhDs. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I was driving to my company picnic with 85 lbs of meat in the back seat, and 1 gallon of homemade BBQ sauce and mustard in large pans riding shotgun. As I drove down a steep hill, the BBQ sauce pan slid forward, hit the glove box and exploded in my front seat. FML

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By me - United States

Today, I apologized to my boyfriend for thinking he was cheating on me right before another girl posted pictures of them together on her myspace. FML

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By oshitdonotwant - United States

Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML

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By happy21sttome - United Kingdom

Today, after 5 years in a row of my family doing absolutely nothing to even acknowledge my birthday, I got train tickets to see my boyfriend for the weekend and celebrate with him. I woke up to 6 angry texts about how I'm 'selfish' for not staying at home with my family. FML

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By harry - France

Today, my brand new and very expensive laser printer does actually print 10 times faster than my old one. Except there's nothing printed on the paper. Never mind, at least it makes a cool sound. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally found out what the horrible smell at work was. A rat had decided to make its home in our emergency exit sign and had been fried by the electricity. I now have to fix this. Hello scorched dead rat. FML

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By upyours - 22/5/2020 17:00 - Australia

Leech

Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML

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By NoColor - United States - San Francisco

Today, my little sister decided to color-in my favorite black-and-white comic book. It was worth over $200. When I told my mother, she said, "Oh that old thing? I thought it was a stupid coloring book you were too stupid to color." FML

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Top comments

By hussamhasi | 22

#6373109 - Thursday 6 August 2015 18:48

At least you wanted to help

By jentrynicole | 20

#6373114 - Thursday 6 August 2015 18:52

Honestly, he's hurt a lot less than what would have happened if he fell off the ladder.
Not that he necessarily would have....but I'm trying to make you feel better.

COMMENTS

By hussamhasi | 22

#6373109 - Thursday 6 August 2015 18:48

At least you wanted to help

By jentrynicole | 20

#6373114 - Thursday 6 August 2015 18:52

Honestly, he's hurt a lot less than what would have happened if he fell off the ladder.
Not that he necessarily would have....but I'm trying to make you feel better.

By Tarlachia | 33

#6373115 - Thursday 6 August 2015 18:53

For an octogenarian, his toe dominated your young whippersnapper elbow!

Reply

OysterPearls | 33

#6373158 - Thursday 6 August 2015 19:22

I hope he didn't lash out in anger by doing something like wiping snot in OP's hair after the accident.

Reply

ubeenbagged | 6

#6373983 - Friday 7 August 2015 10:40

I didn't get this until I read a couple more posts

By cristy91 | 33

#6373117 - Thursday 6 August 2015 18:53

Ah, that is a pretty bad turn of events. Maybe you could get some workman's comp? If anything, you learned customers need to keep a safe distance from the ladder at all times (I guess that's a bright side)

By whassallt26 | 13

#6373118 - Thursday 6 August 2015 18:54

Did you walk under it before helping him...

By CommentKing207 | 23

#6373120 - Thursday 6 August 2015 18:55

At least you were trying to protect him. It's not like you did it intentionally.

By vikky538 | 28

#6373121 - Thursday 6 August 2015 18:55

You wanted to help that matters... But you can change destiny which is that the old man getting hurt.

By karcummings | 19

#6373122 - Thursday 6 August 2015 18:56

well atleast you tried helping.

By LadyLuck93 | 20

#6373124 - Thursday 6 August 2015 18:57

Don't take it to heart, accidents do happen. At least you have good intentions about caring for others. Get well soon, op.

By corky1992 | 33

#6373138 - Thursday 6 August 2015 19:07

At least it was you that fell and not him. He probably would have gotten injured worse.