Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML
Today, I felt accomplished after I cleaned the whole house alone, but then I stepped backwards to admire my work and stepped into a pile of dog poop. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML
Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML
Today, I had to take out the trash at work and I kept trying to throw it in the dumpster. After five tries I finally made it in. I was feeling pretty good since the bag was heavy. That was until I turned around and saw about 30 of my coworkers applauding and laughing at me. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, I heard my dog chewing on something. I called her over, held out my hand, and told her to drop it. She dropped it into my hand, and I was proud of her. That was until I realized it was cat poop. FML
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Top comments
pwincessa23 1
awww. poor u. well think about it this way: @ least u have a job!
JustKeepBreathin 0
That's kind of...weird. WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU EMPLOYED?!?
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Comments (95)
onecutechick101 0
by their job
cmac86 23
you must have a shitty job!
allmidnighteyes 10
This is another comment with a pun on the word "shit" or "crap" relating to OP's job.
FYLDeep 25
Ah shit! Very clever man.
icedslayer13 1
fail scat company is fail
pspness 0
hell id do this job if i was still in school,which i am.
Allie614032 34
? ... Then go do it.
savvy_suzy 0
Find another job if it bothers you so much. Obviously there is a need for what you do or you wouldn't be paid for it.
destonerock 0
onecutechick I think it was..it was post 4. I can't believe you said that. maybe she did. she could work for a zoo or a vet..marine life study..or maybe she's in school..oh no ..no I didn't..honey you need to think before you speak don't you..such as..such as..such as..get my point. I've got news for you people that says $hit like that..you don't have a Fkn clue what your talking about. this idea of going to school isn't going to get you a great life or hell just a good life out here in the world.I've got a secret for all of you....shhh now listen...it's not fkin true. there's no guarantee..one guarantee there is you be paying for those loans for ever.."but if I go to college I'll have a better chance..more opportunity more..blah blah" if you believe in this. and think this is true. I want you all to start thinking for yourself and stop listening and believing what there selling..if you want to be a doctor, lawyer zoologist..etc; yep going to need to go..then when your done you may relize..$hit I dont want to that..or you may. but don't just go to go. apply yourself ..go and do something your interested in, or think you may want to do with your life, when your done, then maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones that get to pay back your loans..but honey there's nothing know where that's says going school you will never have to watch a turtle poopoo I've got tons of friends that went to college. tons that finished high school. and well some that decided to leave and get there GED. you'd be surprised who is really enjoying there life..and doing well.. sorry for the long post..it's just irritating. sorry for any spelling errors, I didn't go school. ps, your not that Fkn cute. you look like a Fkn barbie doll. go pageant girl go!! one day you'll care about how you act and what you say.. one day you'll be a real person..then maybe..just maybe you may find yourself being a compassionate women. but buy the picture and your comment..I seriously Fkn doubt it!!! happy holidays!
chicster 0
I agree with u on every word!
DocBastard 38
I disagree with almost every word. After reading this drivel, it was shocking to me, SHOCKING I say, that you didn't go to school. For every lucky successful self-made millionaire dropout there are millions of unsuccessful ones. You can't use the exceptions to disprove (or prove) a theory. For the vast majority of people, more education=more opportunities. For all the kids out there thinking, "omg destonerock says I can drop out and still make £££ lololololol" just stay in school and study. No one is going to hire an illiterate moron.
starile 19
tl;dr
TheIrishJaneDoe 8
destonerock: You have some valid points, but honestly, I can't take anyone who writes like that seriously. I don't know what you mean by "I didn't go to school"; taken contextually, I assume you're referring to a post-secondary education. I didn't go to college either, and I have no degree. However, the basics of written communication are taught long before college-- before secondary school, even. The ability to communicate clearly is imperative for *everyone's* success, degreed or not. Having a degree certainly doesn't ensure that success, but if you don't have a degree, you do need to set yourself apart in other ways. Proving your ability to write literately is a big part of that, and that ability is doubly important when presenting an argument against formal education, as you've done here. If English is not your first language, your mistakes are excuseable. I couldn't write with even that level of proficiency in, say, Dutch. Still, if that is the case, you could have easily avoided nullifying your entire post by telling us that, instead of blaming your poor grammar and spelling on your lack of a degree. Hell, even "I write like this online because I'm lazy" would've been a better choice. At least then we'd have a reason, however flimsy, to believe you're not merely the embodiment of a contradiction in denial.
Flamehog9 0
Nice wall
chuber09 0
yes, what does happen when said turtle poos? what is done with this poo?
batman8 0
I guess I'll be the first to ask, but how exactly do you make a tortoise poop??
evilhobbitofdoom 4
Probably the same way I make people poop. Laxatives and digital stimulation. I.e. Give up, lube up, and stick a finger up the one way passage.
lacrossekid 0
shoulda gave it anal that woulda helped ;)