Today, I sent a text message to a guy I like, saying, "Dear Santa, I want to fall in love." He replied: "Wait for next Christmas..." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML
Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, I bought a guy I’ve liked for months a Christmas present and expressed how much he meant to me. He said, “Lol, thanks.” He then went on a date with another girl. Apparently, being loving and caring towards guys gets you used and rejected. My lover girl era is now over. FML
Today, my boss sent me a text message saying, "You're fired. Merry Christmas!" FML
Today, I told the guy I've been in love with for a year how I felt. He replied, "There will never be an us, but you can send nudes if you like." FML
Today, I posted a meme on Facebook that said, “Dear Santa, I want a man who’s at least 6ft tall, abs, can plan dates, texts back, has a job and a car.” A friend of mine commented, “Dear Santa, I want a girl under 150lbs, no kids, no emotional baggage, self sufficient and doesn’t bitch 24/7.” His comment got 25 likes. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, feeling festive, I sent everyone on my phone's contact list a holiday message. Almost everyone replied back "who's this?" FML
Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams, the girl I've loved for 3 years. I went to her desk and surprised her with roses, chocolates, and played “All I Want for Christmas is You.” She said no. On top of that, she ate all the chocolates. FML
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Top comments
alley_cat_118 0
I'm sorry, but that was a corny line. And I have heard (and used) my lion's share of bad pick-up lines.
jamers113 0
why's the guy you like santa? ..that's just odd.
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Comments (26)
silly_kate 0
lol, you just had an epic ******* FAIL!!!!!
dannnn_fml 0
why would you say that? you want some big fat guy breaking and entering your house than raping you??? true story.
bigbangvip1 7
XD
DisappearingRose 18
lmao. 16 is funnier than this FML
charbz 0
u sure he wasn't a Jew?
jessecuhemm 0
Hahaha ya ydi for sure. Im sure that conversation could've gone better if you're comment wasn't so stupid.
SleepOnStones 5
YDI. Why would you say something so cheesy?!
adonna2000 2
I said something similar to a guy that liked me, " You'll never get your Christmas present." Not long after we dated and it lasted for 4 years.
shessovain 7
That's a really odd thing to say when trying to pick someone up.
fantasyworld 39
That's kind of corny honestly.
CantTouchThat 29
Next time get him under a mistletoe. Still cheesy but at least you get to make a move instead of just flattery. You'll learn someday.