Today, my family was discussing the new rules of the house we...

By FML1994 - 14/6/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, my family was discussing the new rules of the house we are moving in. They told my sister she couldn't have any boys in her room. They didn't tell me I couldn't have any girls in my room. Even my parents think I can't get a girlfriend. FML

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Miscellaneous

No one likes a smart-ass

Nice neighborhood

A beautiful truck decoration

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 20:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé's best friend, who will be our best man at our wedding, decided to confess his feelings for me and tell me how he's always dreamed of us eloping together. The wedding is going to be awkward. FML

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By myleghurts - 12/11/2012 06:50 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, on my way to school, I was shouted at by an obnoxious businessman for sitting down on the train when a "full fare paying passenger" was standing. I would normally have given him the seat straight away, except I have a broken leg. I showed him my leg and crutches. He still made me get up. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

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By smellsofeggs - 26/11/2009 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

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By Ally - 19/5/2011 01:07 - United States

Today, I came home to my front door open and a homeless man taking a 'bath' in my sink. If this wasn't bad enough, he refused to leave because 'finders keepers!' FML

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By Oops - 14/1/2010 15:55 - United States

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

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By Kate - 21/6/2017 02:00

Today, my 5-year-old cousin came over. We were on the trampoline in my backyard when he fell off and started crying and screaming. While I was trying to comfort him, my mom came out yelling at me for "pushing him off the trampoline" and grounded me for a month. FML

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By Noname - 6/2/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML

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By FlorenceD - 12/8/2012 04:34 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2017 04:30

Today, while playing ping pong, my brother got mad that he lost and threw the paddle at my head, causing me to fall backwards into the TV mounted on the wall. Now I have a concussion and have to pay to replace the TV. FML

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By 11lyss1 - 23/5/2011 04:26

Today, I opened my new clothing store. My only customer was my mom and the only reason she came in was to tell me that someone stole my sign. FML

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By tuck87 - 18/7/2014 15:49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a customer write "fuck you" in the tip option area on his credit card slip, I have no idea why. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I went through my spam folder. I found out that I'd received several emails telling me that I have been sending emails containing essays for a class of mine to the wrong address. The term ended yesterday. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2012 22:20 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, my mother described what her ideal daughter-in-law should be like. Half-way through her description, fishing for some compliments, I told her that such a girl would be way above my league. She sighed and emphatically agreed. FML

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By Alisha - 7/8/2012 18:04 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML

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By handymandy - 19/1/2012 11:44 - United States

Today, we received our honeymoon itinerary. Our travel agent booked our flight to Punta Cana correctly. Too bad she booked us a hotel in Orlando, Florida. FML

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By Nightbird827 - 2/12/2015 14:34

Today, a police officer pulled me over. He asked me where I was headed, so I jokingly replied, "Probably to jail after you run my name". He laughed and took my information, only to then arrest me for unpaid parking tickets I never received. FML

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By I tried - 9/4/2020 17:00

Lockdown is driving us down

Today, my husband went on a tirade, accusing me of bullying and being too hard on our kids. Apparently, I’m taking this homeschool thing too serious, and I need to cut them a break. All I did was make them write their letters and numbers on paper instead of just using their tablets. Yeah, real mean. FML

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By holycrap - 3/3/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

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By zzz - 22/11/2012 07:25 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, I was nicknamed "Sandman." Not after the bad-ass Spider Man villain but rather because my personality is so boring it puts people to sleep. FML

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By Damn_her - 5/3/2009 00:04 - Canada

Today, my wife and I were driving to the gas station, she let me out before she pulled up to the pumps because I had to buy some things from the store. I returned to see my wife proudly filling the tank. Smiling, she told me that diesel was cheaper than regular gas. We don't own a diesel car. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2010 12:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I received our gas bill for about £200. My flatmate felt that this was extortionate and therefore phoned up our gas company and angrily told them to recalculate the bill. They did. We now owe £300. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2015 06:39 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, after missing college for a week due to illness, I found out my "friends" were bullshitting me about us having to write an important no-extension Biology essay. Copious amounts of my sweat, snot and tears went into that desperation-fueled nightmare. Thanks, dickheads. FML

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By nodullmoment - 26/4/2013 03:01 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that is for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago are inside. After they left, the "for rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML

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By selfesteemboost - 27/1/2012 17:14 - Belize

Today, one of my dorm-mates started laughing at a bra hanging to dry in our bathroom. She thought it was hilarious that a college student would still have "such small, baby tits." It was my bra. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2018 15:00

Et tu, Brute?

Today, I applied for a new job as a maintenance technician. About 10 minutes after submitting my resume, I received a rejection letter. My girlfriend is their HR person. FML

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By hunchbackofnotredamn - 29/9/2015 08:33 - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I had to stand up on a train for my 4-hour journey. Why? Two pregnant women flew into unbridled rage with me over sitting in the priority seating, saying I was selfish. I'm recovering from spinal surgery. FML

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By dwek - 15/5/2009 11:07 - United Kingdom

Today, while checking through the graphic novel section of my library, I noticed a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item, I realised I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2013 04:13 - United States - Woburn

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

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By dumb - 3/8/2009 06:31 - United States

Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML

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By fviz - 7/2/2013 09:51 - United States

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

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By GM38 - 23/6/2012 02:57 - United States - Melbourne

Today, I divorced my husband of 20 years. The only positive thing about my day was my pregnancy test. Yes, it was his. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2017 09:13

Today, my music students began a lively debate about whether or not a music stand would make a good weapon for the zombie apocalypse. What am I teaching them? FML

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By ThisChick - 6/7/2016 17:59 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I cringed at a memory of 5-year-old me going to restaurants I was brought to and stealing tip money because I thought it was free. I got to watch a kid do the same thing to me. Oh, sweet karma. FML

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By jameen - 25/8/2013 12:50 - United Kingdom - Tadley

Today, whilst out shopping with my crush, I decided to jokingly try on a silly-looking dress in an overly-expensive shop. Apparently I took the wrong size as I couldn't get out. Not only did the shop assistants have to publicly cut me out of the dress, I had to pay for it. FML

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By shalara - 15/6/2012 20:23 - Netherlands - Amstelveen

Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML

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By 44haley44 - 12/7/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

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By MCKilllerrr - 18/1/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, the girl I really liked started talking to me, so I asked her out on a date. After waiting an hour at the theatre, I texted her asking where she was. She replied with, "Oh! You were serious about the date?!" FML

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By unashamed - 5/6/2014 08:11 - Australia - Ipswich

Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML

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Top comments

By CassandraBear93 | 0

#305007 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:03

Thats just how parents are, way more protective over their "little girl" when it comes to the opposite sex

By Minorchord | 4

#305026 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:05

Maybe they specifically aren't forbidding you to have girls in your room...

Comments

By CassandraBear93 | 0

#305007 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:03

Thats just how parents are, way more protective over their "little girl" when it comes to the opposite sex

geovanni | 9

#808450 - Saturday 30 January 2010 0:34

it's cos u can't get pregnant

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#981355 - Sunday 18 April 2010 11:07

just wondering, what's up with almost NO replies to any of these comments?

NeatNit | 32

#5860624 - Monday 17 February 2014 6:52

I think OP is taking it the wrong way. Maybe they're saying she's, err, loose/easy? Don't want her banging a different guy every week, ESPECIALLY not in her room. And if OP brings a girlfriend she'd probably be fine / more to their taste.

BlockOfRedStone | 25

#5959004 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 21:54

I think it just means that they trust OP more than they trust OP's sister.

By SluttyMcNugget | 0

#305023 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:05

Well they didn't tell you that...I think you're making a big deal out of nothing, or maybe they don't mind having more girls at home?

By Minorchord | 4

#305026 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:05

Maybe they specifically aren't forbidding you to have girls in your room...

notmrfreakster | 0

#2289678 - Monday 4 April 2011 1:08

Work the system!

By shananigans | 0

#305030 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:06

Meh, that doesn't necessarily mean anything, it's pretty common for parents to be more protective and strict with their daughters than their sons, at least when it comes to dating/relationships...

By VoGuE221 | 5

#305036 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:07

you need to get out more...

By FDXCpinballwiz | 0

#305041 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:09

Maybe they trust you more than ur sister so they dont feel the need to tell you, thats how my parents are with me and my older brother. they just trust me more.

By lm_wfc | 0

#305043 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:09

how old are you?

By Atreyu_Love | 0

#305045 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:10

Probably because they don't care as much in your situation, since you won't be the one getting pregnant...Try bringing a girl home and see what happens

#8, his username says 1994, so probably 14-15