Work: Today, I sat down on a chair after my very large boss sat on...

By Anonymous - 18/05/2012 11:49 - United States

Today, I sat down on a chair after my very large boss sat on it all day. When I got up, my pants were damp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 990

You deserved it 2 737

Work

Mother of the year

Own it

Keep your distance

By daddyslittlegirl250 - 05/05/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 044

You deserved it 83 912

By Rae - 02/10/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 206

You deserved it 2 793

By Enrique - 07/02/2010 01:19 - United States

Today, I work at McDonalds. I burned my hand while cleaning their grill and have a 2nd/3rd degree burn from my pinky to my wrist. When told about this, my manager told me that there was "nothing that they could do for me and to tough it out". However I was given a free McFlurry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 915

You deserved it 4 988

By Anonymous - 14/09/2013 20:09 - United States - North Kingstown

Today, my psycho girlfriend tried to blackmail me into giving her money, threatening to show everyone the nude pictures I recently sent her. Except the pictures on her phone that she threatened me with weren't even of me. Nice to know I'm also being cheated on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 331

You deserved it 5 043

By And you think I'M crazy? - 22/04/2013 05:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument. Naturally, I drove over to my best friend's house for comfort. My boyfriend saw me driving past his house and promptly broke up with me for being "a psycho stalker." She lives across the street from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 971

You deserved it 6 257

Forward thinker

By youdontknowwho - 10/05/2020 14:00

Today, my boyfriend took a picture of us together because he wanted to have something to burn when we break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 150

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 15:15 - Australia

Today, while on my break at work, my workmates convinced me to perform my "Indian accent" piece. Everyone laughed while I was doing it. Everyone, that is, but my Indian boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 413

You deserved it 40 718

By llozano715 - 13/09/2010 05:41 - France

Today, I got the car of my dreams. My daughter also learned how to write her name. Now I have "LAUREN" across the side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 114

You deserved it 4 794

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 07:35

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 896

You deserved it 62 208

By didntevenknow - 13/08/2012 15:06 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 506

You deserved it 37 911

Useful friends

By The One - 28/08/2021 05:01 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, after having a fight with my BFF, she invited me to come along to a party. I found out later that she'd only invited me so that when returning from the event, we could take a taxi and split the cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 80

By daremetobecooler - 08/04/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I saw a letter from Geneseo that invited me to apply to the honors college. Excited, I wrote the required two page essay on how I am organized. I then saw the strict deadline was March 15th. My little brother thought it would be funny to hide my mail. For the past seven weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 815

You deserved it 3 381

Prejudice

By EpicOracle - 20/09/2021 10:00 - Nigeria

Today, I found out that even when I have written and submitted freelance work, the client can refuse to pay and it'd be acknowledged because I'm from Nigeria. Also, they can still use my work. I guess the "Nigerian Prince" issue is affecting even the innocent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 76

By Baby Face - 16/01/2017 15:03

Today, I was at work refreshing the shelves when a man turned the corner and said, very surprised, "You look 12!" A few weeks back, two people did the same thing, only they said I looked 9. I'm almost 21 years old, and just very short. Starting to get just a little self conscious here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 574

You deserved it 461

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 28/03/2021 15:30 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend of four years, whom I have stuck by through every hardship, including his ongoing battle with military PTSD, is cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 82

By 13a5ic H1p5t3r - 15/08/2016 03:58 - United States - Spencer

Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked him. Turns out he's very open about the topic. Basically, he kissed me and then slapped me. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 478

You deserved it 1 881

By ilu.xo - 13/01/2010 06:11 - Canada

Today, I found out the guy I've been seeing for 3 months lives at home with his parents. He's 30. They live in a '50+ only' housing complex and he sneaks in the side door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 821

You deserved it 4 052

By badmom - 10/06/2009 18:09 - Canada

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134 699

You deserved it 80 413

By kittkatt1 - 11/11/2013 01:52 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 312

You deserved it 5 480

By Anonymous - 14/11/2018 14:00

Today, the lady in front of me in the checkout line had a pacifier hanging around her neck, but I didn't think much of it until it was time for her to pay. She reacted to the $250 total by crying like a baby and very loudly asking me to put the pacifier in her mouth to calm her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 355

You deserved it 205

By Anonymous - 01/02/2018 19:00

Today, because I left my wallet at home, I got arrested for "underage smoking." I'm 32 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 674

You deserved it 658

By devil neighbours - 11/04/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I'm living in a house share with a passive-aggressive middle-aged couple who leave rude notes around the house and yet pretend I don't exist when they happen to be in the same room as me. I'm in no position to get rid of them or move myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 748

You deserved it 315

Workers of the world unite

By Anonymous - 27/02/2021 20:01

Today, my initial unemployment benefits ran out. Yesterday, the extended benefits ran out for my entire state too, so I'll see $0 assistance. But it could be worse, they're also taking back 7 million $ from extended benefits receivers, so at least I'm not having money taken away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 111

By Nico711 - 30/03/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 325

You deserved it 184

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 22:16 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually tried to justify his cheating by saying it doesn't count as cheating if the girl's bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 563

You deserved it 3 087

By Anonymous - 23/12/2011 20:46 - Canada

Today, I found out that my estranged daughter has been married for five years. I wasn't told of or invited to their wedding, and the only reason I know now is because she needs money for a divorce lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 105

You deserved it 4 810

By loser weeper - 26/11/2018 21:00 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, after looking for my phone for three weeks, I used find my iPhone to track it to my sister-in-law's house. Her response? "Finders keepers, losers weepers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 848

You deserved it 255

By swimfaned - 09/01/2015 11:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she's afraid of my ex-wife. This is the third one in a row to use that very reason. The judge still won't accept my pleas for a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 139

You deserved it 2 687

By Anonymous - 05/02/2013 22:59 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out my boyfriend sleeps on a Princess Leia pillow. He's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 694

You deserved it 9 106

By Nothanks - 06/06/2016 02:43

Today, at the healthy age of 26, I broke my hip during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 100

You deserved it 1 345

They'll hear you coming

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 06:00

Today, I was diagnosed with exercise-induced asthma. I wanted to be a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 156

By sacrophage - 28/02/2010 04:30 - Canada

Today, I discovered that my abusive, obsessive, psychotic ex-boyfriend from over two years ago still has a thing for me. How did I find out? Although I've ignored him walking unnecessarily past my house for the past two months, it was hard to ignore when he fell from a tree outside my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 376

You deserved it 2 858

By drivencrazy - 06/07/2010 16:42 - United States

Today, while driving, a girl on her cellphone cut me off. A second later, another person behind me on a cellphone rear ended me. Her excuse was, "I'm sorry, you weren't there a minute ago!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 835

You deserved it 2 925

By mademoiselle meurtre - 13/04/2015 02:51 - United States - Belleville

Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 092

You deserved it 2 831

Worst workplace ever

By maya - 29/03/2021 20:01

Today, while I was wearing a blue coat, a coworker asked me what color my coat was. Confused, I said, “...blue?” He and my other coworkers burst out screaming with laughter. Turns out he didn’t say ‘coat’ but ‘poop’. I work with a bunch of five year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 76

Shivering Herbert

By Kay Jacline Salvatierra - 15/04/2020 05:00

Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 037

You deserved it 299

By Guy - 17/10/2015 18:23 - United States - O Fallon

Today, the man who fired me from my job became my stepfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 050

You deserved it 1 691

By katie - 27/01/2010 20:03 - France

Today, after spending a few minutes de-icing my car and leaving the heat on so it would warm up, I slipped as I was entering the car and hit my head on the door, causing it to close and lock. I'm waiting for my mom who has a spare key to come and unlock it. Class started ten minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 565

You deserved it 3 857

By LightsOut - 21/05/2013 22:47 - United States - Melbourne

Today, and throughout the past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively shut off. Why? Because my deranged mother-in-law has been stealing the money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. She also stole the late notices because she didn't want me to be "mad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 695

You deserved it 3 390

By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 02:45 - United States

Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving 'chem trails', and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 254

You deserved it 5 827

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Top comments

KeannaLove 32

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:28

He was just marking his territory.

hapetreefriend 1

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:28

Ewwwww

sandracore 15

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:28

ball sweat?

a_purple_orange 4

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:35

No, the pressure of being in the boss' chair gave OP too much pressure to handle.

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:36

Ass sweat.

I_heart_sex 1

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:57

Swamp butt!

raraisbang 12

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Friday 18 May 2012 17:34

But what if it's not sweat at all... Boss man not make it to the bathroom? Shame on him!

NeDaroft 5

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Friday 18 May 2012 18:08

Anal Leakage.

xblair 11

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Friday 18 May 2012 19:59

^ disgusting much?

RedPillSucks 31

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Friday 18 May 2012 20:22

Jizz on the chair! Jizz on the chair! Looking like a fool with that jizz on the chair!

AlkaliSam 6

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Saturday 19 May 2012 0:38

Sounds like the boss suffers from SWAS: Sweaty Ass Syndrome

Edwinadii 4

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Saturday 19 May 2012 12:35

Thats just "Sas" lol fail overload...

KeannaLove 32

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:28

He was just marking his territory.

a_purple_orange 4

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Friday 18 May 2012 18:32

On the chair, or did he know OP would sit there?

stud68Camaro 0

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Saturday 19 May 2012 7:16

What's up

hapetreefriend 1

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:28

Ewwwww

iLickRainbows 2

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:55

I'm not sure why this comment is being thumbed down. Not much more is needed to be said. "Eewwwww" sums this up perfectly.

hiitisbrooke 26

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Saturday 19 May 2012 2:27

It was the chair crying.

dsbs 9

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:28

Hmm do you like fish sticks?

THE_A_TEEN 27

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:31

No!

thejewishfuhrer 17

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Friday 18 May 2012 19:31

What does this have to do with anything?

Jumpingmal2 7

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Friday 18 May 2012 21:56

Does that comment make sense to anyone?!?

daminantion 14

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Friday 18 May 2012 23:42

"Look, it's Tom Cruise packing fudge!"

LO388 7

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Friday 18 May 2012 23:51

90 - "Daaad, Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet... now John Travolta is in there too."

kathbutter 12

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Monday 26 November 2012 0:43

I'm not a gay fish!

Xquisite1 28

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:29

Butt crack sweat perhaps?

StanSmith_fml 9

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:30

Was it cause you were excited or does your boss have huge sweaty kahunas.

dougierocks 12

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:52

That's cajones...

KiddNYC1O 20

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Friday 18 May 2012 23:41

That's cojones.

StanSmith_fml 9

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Sunday 20 May 2012 1:18

89 is there an echo in here? I got it.

wowthatissad 9

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Wednesday 30 May 2012 13:52

It's actually cajones... Haha jk that made me lol

smydiwannafthata 5

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:30

Ewwww. Ewwwww.ewwwww. Ewwwww.

SliceOfCake 9

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Friday 18 May 2012 20:37

You forgot one last "Ew."

1crabbygirl 10

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:31

Girls sweat up a bed, guys sweat up a chair. Got it. I am learning so much this week. Thanks, OP, and thanks Jena Dunham.

ddeathbombb 5

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:31

Sometimes a man can't make it in time

ohrlly7457 7

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Friday 18 May 2012 16:31

Your in his territory.

therealslim 15

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Friday 18 May 2012 18:24

You're. YOU ARE

warsun 27

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Friday 21 March 2014 13:37

People don't even try

Nearly

Today, I have to do a science presentation in approximately 10 minutes. I didn’t do the assignment or make a PowerPoint cause I stayed up all night trying to do my French homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 9

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 253

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 159

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