Work: Today, I returned to work after a much-needed vacation. I got...

By Fuckup - United States - Naples

Today, I returned to work after a much-needed vacation. I got a lot of weird stares from my co-workers, and my boss eventually came over and told me to go home. Why? My work week starts tomorrow, not today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42898

You deserved it

10533

Favorite

Work

Mother of the year

Serious times

Good deeds

By my patience is starting to crack

Today, while working at a retail, I was checking on a customer who had been in one of the dressing rooms for over an hour. After knocking for 10 minutes, I unlocked the door myself, only to find the customer sitting on the floor, smoking crack. This isn't even the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3898

You deserved it

220

Favorite

By disappointment

Today, my mom walked out on me, abandoning her 16-year-old and taking $100 and a dog, all because I refused to wear women's panties. I would have been perfectly fine wearing them if I weren't a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4160

You deserved it

234

Favorite

By JoJo - United States

Today, I realized that acne is a major side effect of a medication I'm taking. The medication is to help me with my anxiety. The acne is creating more anxiety. And the more anxious I get, the more meds I need. And the more my face breaks out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41966

You deserved it

5172

Favorite

By iwannagotomiamitoo - United States - Brookline

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53576

You deserved it

3140

Favorite

By eyes wide SHIT - Australia

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45920

You deserved it

5926

Favorite

By FlyingFist - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26035

You deserved it

3429

Favorite

By Hunter101 - United States - Humble

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13480

You deserved it

64430

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5882

You deserved it

1063

Favorite

By Anonymous

Astrology is bullshit, get better friends

Today, my friend reminded me that I have been on a ton of dates lately, but couldn't get a girlfriend because I thought something was off with them all. He also reminded me that I have dated every zodiac sign, meaning I'm out of options. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1098

You deserved it

509

Favorite

By Lady_Luck - United States

Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26791

You deserved it

126719

Favorite

By sirswank

Today, after giving my kids a lengthy bedtime lecture about the merits of being responsible, I thought about all the chores I had left to do, promptly ate ice cream in the shower, and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2902

You deserved it

1718

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

What is it?

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67843

You deserved it

8179

Favorite

By SorryIDontMatchStandardSizes - United States

Today, I received my uniform for culinary school. I'm 5'4" and 110 lbs, and during sizing even an XS uniform swam on me. On the other hand, I need huge shoes for my size 10 feet. Apparently, the school decided to ignore my sizing sheet and simply give me standard medium uniforms and size 8 shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15586

You deserved it

1109

Favorite

By horriblegf - United States

Classic

Today, I realized it feels better when I sneeze than when my boyfriend and I have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37534

You deserved it

5915

Favorite

By Sh.H - United States

Today, before a big formal banquet, I went tanning because I wanted to look good in my cocktail dress. I got out of the tanning bed only to realize that I had left my socks on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11761

You deserved it

55794

Favorite

By regret - Australia - Warrnambool

My regret

Today, my little sister put me in charge of keeping her fighting fish alive. It would've been an easy task if it weren't for my crazy ex-boyfriend drunkenly forcing his way into my house, vomiting into the fishbowl and killing the fish. Only ten more hours until my family gets home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1903

You deserved it

467

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30313

You deserved it

4043

Favorite

By Julie - Denmark - F?rup

Today, it's been three months since my sister broke her car, meaning she couldn't get to work, and I've giving her money every month so she could buy food and so on. I just found out that her workplace is less than 200 metres from where she lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32184

You deserved it

5124

Favorite

By BlueyedKat - United States - Huntsville

Today, I gave a presentation to a class of 70+ people. No one bothered to tell me my fly was unzipped. No wonder they were all smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20200

You deserved it

2577

Favorite

By snortingspunk - South Africa

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27283

You deserved it

4070

Favorite

By YeahItsmecoolhuh - United Arab Emirates

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34474

You deserved it

4962

Favorite

By ihatecats - United States

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24104

You deserved it

16561

Favorite

By Mustang - United States

Today, some jerk super glued leaves and a note onto my car's front windshield. Not only is it directly in front of the driver's seat and makes it nearly impossible to drive, but it won't come off. What makes it worse? I was spending the night at a friend's house and the note was meant for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32030

You deserved it

2590

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, me, a coworker, and my manager were looking at random advertisements. One ad was a picture of three fishes. My coworker named the three fishes what I thought were completely random names. I said "those are stupid names." Turns out those are my manager's kid's names. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9566

You deserved it

32231

Favorite

By psychopumpkin - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43092

You deserved it

7287

Favorite

By poongoon

Today, while at the supermarket, I came back to one of my car windows smashed in. Apparently, the stuffed animal my son left in the back seat looks like a dehydrated dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13935

You deserved it

829

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26715

You deserved it

2365

Favorite

By hpberkla - 5/9/2020 23:01

Fast food

Today, I was at the Wendy's drive-through with my four kids in the car. As the worker handed me my food through the window, a man wearing a ski mask ran right between us, snatched the bags of food and took off. They refused to refund me for the food, because they said I staged the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1762

You deserved it

271

Favorite

By konens_dick - United States

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

275898

You deserved it

36943

Favorite

By Anonymous

The Guru

Today, my husband told me he'd met a life guru online who, after paying the £29.99 consultancy fee, advised him to seize happiness at all times. So he decided to seize the 19 year-old redhead across the street, move in with her and get her pregnant. This is the happiest I’ve seen him in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2189

You deserved it

255

Favorite

By Bogrbon - 21/4/2020 14:00

It's called fashion Dave, look it up

Today, since we can’t go out due to the quarantine, my wife decided she wanted to shave my back with a razor. Two hours later, I have a sore back and I look like I'm wearing the front half of the worlds ugliest sweater vest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1184

You deserved it

275

Favorite

By Dan - 5/3/2021 19:02 - United Kingdom - Warwick

Modern student life sucks

Today, I've paid over £15k a year to have 1.5 years of my 3 year BSc online. All we can do is sit in a tiny room (genuinely worse than Nordic prisons) and watch "online lectures", i.e. paying enormous amounts of money for depression, boredom, loneliness, and information that can be gathered from Youtube or Wikipedia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

743

You deserved it

116

Favorite

By bdayloser - Canada

Today, I celebrated my 18th birthday. Alone. My only birthday wish came from the police officer who gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34584

You deserved it

3824

Favorite

By yuck

Today, my father informed me that he is going to divorce his bitch of a wife, but told me not to say anything to mess things up, in case he wants to "hit that one more time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1814

You deserved it

130

Favorite

By NonBelieber - United States - Bessemer

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40755

You deserved it

3065

Favorite

By SkeetinKeaton - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71111

You deserved it

6531

Favorite

By seanjohn268 - Canada

Today, I discovered that you should always unplug the electric mixer before licking the beaters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11335

You deserved it

66102

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my drunk neighbor informed me that if I don't keep my skunk out of his yard, he's going to call the cops. I live in town, and it's a wild skunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1572

You deserved it

Favorite

By SenescentSouthernBoy - United States

Today, I borrowed a roommate's car to get groceries. I came out to find the car stolen. I called the cops, and the responding officer took the info and drove me home to give the roomie the bad news in person. 15 minutes later, they found the car. I'd parked it on the opposite side of the lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9457

You deserved it

60643

Favorite

By notmydad. - Philippines

Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44102

You deserved it

3643

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By iShanny | 13

#5614349 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:37

Sounds like a win to me! Go home and veg out OP!

By michelleJ11 | 25

#5614357 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:40

Best feeling ever: getting to leave early from work, even if it was your day off.

COMMENTS

By iShanny | 13

#5614349 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:37

Sounds like a win to me! Go home and veg out OP!

lex1459 | 38

#5614372 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:44

It'll just feel like an extended vacation!

Toasty283 | 8

#5614473 - Monday 5 August 2013 23:33

sólo un comentario españolas pasando por

By LordoftheOcelots | 10

#5614351 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:37

A full day to sleep? Sounds great

PterodactylMan | 23

#5614487 - Monday 5 August 2013 23:45

Why FML then OP

By Zimmington | 21

#5614356 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:39

Congrats on your extra vacation day!

By michelleJ11 | 25

#5614357 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:40

Best feeling ever: getting to leave early from work, even if it was your day off.

By abcdog123 | 16

#5614362 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:42

Fyl how? You get an extra day of vacation!! enjoy

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#5614366 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:42

Monday suck anyways

By Juneyah1017 | 9

#5614367 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:43

How is this a FML? Cause you wasted gas driving?

By TheLittleBear | 19

#5614368 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:43

I'm struggling to see the downside to this.

By UnluckyGenius | 21

#5614386 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:48

I once had a day like that, my boss and coworker kept throwing me out because I needed to take a "vacation" much like you OP, all I could think about was how good work is.