Today, I returned to work after a much-needed vacation. I got...

By Fuckup - 5/8/2013 18:09 - United States - Naples

Today, I returned to work after a much-needed vacation. I got a lot of weird stares from my co-workers, and my boss eventually came over and told me to go home. Why? My work week starts tomorrow, not today. FML

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Work

Everyone's an expert

Age ain't nothing but a number

Relationships sink

By littl3storm - 24/4/2020 23:00

Time for the ER

Today, my brace broke and due to Covid-19, I can't get it fixed for another month and a half. Four brackets have come off, the wire is sinking into my gum, giving me tooth and jaw pain. I can't eat and I'm spending excessive amounts of money on pain relief. The cause of all this? A cheese pasty. FML

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By jeanrose2013 - 23/10/2012 22:12 - United States - Jonesboro

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML

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By Ican'tgotoschoolapparently - 7/10/2016 07:18 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I found out after $200 worth of checks and tests, three rugs being ruined from her peeing and pooping on them, that my cat isn't sick. She just has really bad separation anxiety. FML

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By Lexi - 31/10/2009 20:15 - France

Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML

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By tango-c - 17/3/2016 19:56 - United States - Parker

Today, I sent a cover letter in which I bragged about my exceptional attention to detail. After it was sent, I noticed the company name and address were from a different job application. FML

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By fuck - 21/8/2015 18:22 - United States - Somerville

Today, I scolded my son at a buffet after he pointed at an obese woman in a motorized wheelchair and asked how anyone could let themselves get so unhealthy. As I lectured him on genetics and thyroid problems, she rolled past with a plate stacked with an obscene amount of fried food. FML

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By SnurklesMcGee - 12/2/2016 22:08 - Canada

Today, I learned I don't have to spend Valentine's Day alone. My parents invited me along on their date. FML

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By well great. - 17/5/2013 22:28 - United States - Pascagoula

Today, my friend told me she'd lost her notebook filled with crucial notes for our finals. She asked if she could borrow mine and copy my notes. She then lost my notebook too. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2018 03:00

Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming her, because the camera was moving and definitely not on a tripod. I know I never recorded a video of her. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2009 15:15 - United States

Today, my husband and I were looking for a new house. The open house we were in had a strange floral scent to entice the buyers. I am three months pregnant and have horrible morning sickness. I threw up all over the living room. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2014 18:23 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML

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By lkvetched - 30/8/2016 17:23 - United States - Palestine

Today, I got food poisoning in the middle of the wilderness while hiking in a state park with my husband. I had to tend to nature several times before we reached our car. The only supplies I had was a bottle of water and a laminated trail map. It was part of an anniversary trip. How romantic. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 19:51 - South Africa

Today, I arrived home to find my cat dead and note saying, "Sorry, I tripped over him." Not only is my cat dead, but I was robbed by a polite thief. FML

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By jules - 10/3/2011 07:53 - United States

Today, an older man sat next to me while he ate his lunch. He dropped what I assumed was his cutlery. Wanting to help out, I picked it up off the floor. It was his teeth. FML

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By jkass - 7/10/2011 15:07 - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML

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By RadYoHeaD - 4/12/2008 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I went running to the gym on the way to work and I forgot to bring a spare shirt. All I have to wear is a wet white tshirt. FML

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By hoboman - 2/9/2009 15:12 - United States

Today, I was turned down from my dream job at a graphic design firm. Before the interview, concerned about my hobo style would not impress the company, I shaved, cut my long hair, and even bought a suit. They said I wasn't "free-spirited and creative enough." FML

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By anonymous - 27/3/2013 23:55 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

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By drop dead single - 22/11/2014 13:44 - United States

Today, on our third date, my date tried to get me drunk and kept trying to touch me up. When I said he was moving too fast, he sighed and soon left. Just minutes later, he posted on Facebook saying "Just got friendzoned -_-". One of his friends commented: "I hate bitches, man." FML

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By thanksmom - 2/6/2011 09:27 - United States

Today, I was released from hospital after being in a car accident. I used the phone book to call people I know to get a ride home, as my wallet and cellphone were still in the wrecked car. I had called my mom to come get me, but her response was "I don't feel like it." I live with her. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2017 06:00

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my phone rang. We continued to have sex while I took the call. It was my gyno calling to tell me that I tested positive for chlamydia and that I needed to tell my partner. Yeah, sex ended real quick. FML

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By greeenbean - 2/10/2009 10:41 - Samoa

Today, I was woken up by the massive earthquake in Samoa. I went downstairs to discover that all the hotel staff had fled and abandoned the hotel guests. I was left to run up to higher ground on foot. It was a three hour hike. By the time I got to a safe spot, the tsunami warning was lifted. FML

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By stop_crying - 11/5/2016 18:55 - United States

Today, a twelve year-old girl was better at calming down my six month-old baby on the bus than me. FML

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By BroadwayBaby1997 - 17/9/2016 15:26 - United States - Mission

Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual people. FML

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By megangubler - 26/5/2014 22:34 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my mom insisted on making my lunch. She didn't know that knives are banned at my high school, and packed me a steak knife for cream cheese. I'm now suspended for 7 days, and she refuses to say that she did anything wrong. FML

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By princess98 - 18/11/2019 05:00

Revenge!

Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to take a shower, because he smelt awful and wanted to cuddle. After 45 minutes, he did so. I wanted to cuddle and fool around after he was done. I got rejected because he didn't want to get dirty. FML

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By TiredMom - 16/2/2012 21:42 - United States

Today, after finally getting my newborn baby to sleep, I made a sign to put on the door asking people not to knock or ring the bell, since our 3 dogs will bark loudly and wake the baby. When I went to print the sign, my dogs barked like crazy at the sound of the printer. FML

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By Mushman - 16/3/2019 12:00

Today, I sharted while skiing - wearing a bib outfit and no change of clothing. FML

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By anonymous - 25/11/2015 01:01 - Canada

Today, my mother refused to buy a cat because my sister is allergic to them. She bought a rabbit instead. I'm allergic to rabbits. FML

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By bootyislife - 3/2/2015 04:36 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML

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By prdept. - 9/3/2011 17:12 - France

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy. It was going great until his 6-year-old brother walked in and screamed so loudly it brought both of his parents running. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2009 20:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

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By Lotje13 - 1/1/2012 00:19 - Hungary

Today, I was sleeping over at a friend's house. I went and took a shower, and as I tried to get out, the door jammed. I called my friend for help, and after much tugging, the glass shattered all over me. She panicked and sent her dad to rescue me. It was the first time he and I had met. FML

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By skyhigh - 13/1/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I discovered my parents have spent my college fund because "2012 will happen" before I graduate. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2014 02:48 - United States - Encinitas

Today, my butt decided to delete the 650 photos I had on my phone. FML

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By skeletor - 18/2/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, 'Never have I ever had an orgasm.' FML

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By -_- - 22/9/2013 18:00 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I started my new job at a restaurant I really like. As I waited on my first customer, I suggested that he try the apple pie, because it's my favourite. He looked up at me and said, "Yeah? Figures! Lay off 'em, porky!" FML

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By mcds2 - 18/3/2013 08:28 - United States

Today, an attractive guy came up to me and told me that I looked sexy in a picture online. He then asked himself why he had never asked me out before. Apparently, he doesn't remember our 6-month relationship, or how it ended when he slept with my sister. FML

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By Chilly - 3/3/2014 07:13 - United States - Wasilla

Today, I told my mom that my boyfriend had broken up with me. She was more upset about it than I was. She actually almost cried. FML

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By no_leather_of_any_kind - 7/4/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML

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Top comments

By iShanny | 13

#5614349 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:37

Sounds like a win to me! Go home and veg out OP!

By michelleJ11 | 25

#5614357 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:40

Best feeling ever: getting to leave early from work, even if it was your day off.

Comments

By iShanny | 13

#5614349 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:37

Sounds like a win to me! Go home and veg out OP!

lex1459 | 38

#5614372 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:44

It'll just feel like an extended vacation!

Toasty283 | 8

#5614473 - Monday 5 August 2013 23:33

sólo un comentario españolas pasando por

By LordoftheOcelots | 10

#5614351 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:37

A full day to sleep? Sounds great

PterodactylMan | 23

#5614487 - Monday 5 August 2013 23:45

Why FML then OP

By Zimmington | 21

#5614356 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:39

Congrats on your extra vacation day!

By michelleJ11 | 25

#5614357 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:40

Best feeling ever: getting to leave early from work, even if it was your day off.

By abcdog123 | 16

#5614362 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:42

Fyl how? You get an extra day of vacation!! enjoy

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#5614366 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:42

Monday suck anyways

By Juneyah1017 | 9

#5614367 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:43

How is this a FML? Cause you wasted gas driving?

By TheLittleBear | 19

#5614368 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:43

I'm struggling to see the downside to this.

By UnluckyGenius | 21

#5614386 - Monday 5 August 2013 22:48

I once had a day like that, my boss and coworker kept throwing me out because I needed to take a "vacation" much like you OP, all I could think about was how good work is.