Work: Today, after a two week holiday, I'm returning to work exhausted.... - FML

By sleepy - 03/01/2011 02:58 - Norway

Today, after a two week holiday, I'm returning to work exhausted. I had nightmares about work every single night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 610

You deserved it 3 778

Best teeth in the game

Dementia or hate? You decide

Facebook's moderation sucks

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, I asked out my best friend via facebook graffiti. He then accidentally wrote his rejection as his status instead of on my wall. More people liked his status than the number of friends I have on facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 618

You deserved it 8 682

By wow - 28/11/2011 01:07 - United States

Today, my mom went through my textbook and sharpied everything that could be "pornographic." It's a high-school biology textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 791

You deserved it 2 052

By Stewtato - 12/07/2019 22:30

Today, a bat flew into my house. We locked it in my brother's room, complete with cats, and just barely got it back outside alive. We later found out it was an endangered species, so we also narrowly avoided arrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 470

By hurts.to.pee - 19/01/2012 05:14 - United States

Today, I explained to my dad that I think I have a vaginal infection. I asked if he could take me to the doctor. He responded by saying, "Just shove some ice up there. It'll go away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 115

You deserved it 3 781

By footstuck - 13/11/2013 17:51 - United States - Winterville

Today, I superglued the sole back into my shoe. Unfortunately, the glue didn't dry as quickly as it said it would on the bottle. The glue seeped through the sole and my foot got superglued to my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 453

You deserved it 12 576

By Gasman - 15/07/2017 15:30 - New Zealand

Today, I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room and thought that I was alone. I let rip 2 massive farts before realising there was a very short woman behind the computer screen at the desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 467

You deserved it 3 059

By oped01 - 18/10/2016 00:15 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, in a department store, a woman with a parrot sitting on her shoulder was trying to return a coffee maker. She explained that she had to return the coffee maker because the bird didn't like it sitting on the kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 905

You deserved it 959

Bad sex

By izzie - 09/05/2010 14:15 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 415

You deserved it 5 046

By Anonymous - 18/12/2012 07:48 - United States

Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 536

You deserved it 29 820

By Che_likes_you - 12/12/2014 15:15 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I had to babysit my 7-year-old niece while my brother bought Christmas presents. After he left, she walked up to me and said in a very dark voice, "I'm gonna make you hate children!" Now my apartment looks like a bomb site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 065

You deserved it 2 837

By weeble_wobbles09 - 26/12/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, my Nana showed me her new sign that says, "Some of my greatest blessings call me Nana." We stood there looking at a wall FULL of pictures of her grandkids, which is where she wanted to hang it. After scanning the wall a couple times, I realized. There was not one picture of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 375

You deserved it 2 807

Pencils down

By Idiot - 16/12/2020 19:58

Today, I took an exam, for which I have been studying for weeks, I was confident at first, but then really struggled with it. I finished with about ten minutes to spare, turned to what I thought would be the end of my paper and found the first page of questions I was supposed to have answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 298

By thanksnicksparks - 11/06/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I loved her. I tried to be cute and romantic and responded with a quote from the Notebook, which I watched with her yesterday. After I said, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird," she broke up with me because I was "phony and unoriginal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 670

You deserved it 10 260

By Peter - 25/11/2010 10:25

Today, while at work, I got fired because I was 'hitting' on my boss's wife who also works in the same company. Since when does 'asking for paper clips' mean 'hitting on'? FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 782

You deserved it 2 829

By Motionless - 26/05/2011 09:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. This is the seventh time in a row that she hasn't moved or made any noises the entire way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 928

You deserved it 23 701

Helping hand

By Anonymous - 30/06/2020 02:02

Spicy

Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 426

You deserved it 262

Firehose

By PissingMeOff - 16/10/2020 13:55 - United Kingdom - Durham

Today, I found out that my boyfriend pees in the shower. This would've been OK if he was peeing into the drain. Instead, he pees on the shampoo and soap bottles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 120

By 2285morgan - 15/12/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 385

You deserved it 6 077

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 22:59 - Australia

Today, after growing up in abusive homes most of my life until last year, I'm finally the happiest I could be and I'm getting all the help I need and achieving my dreams. I feel genuinely happy, yet I still want to end it. I've asked doctors for meds but they want me to see a psychiatrist first. The waiting list is more than a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 80

Go fund this

By Anonymous - 29/03/2015 13:33 - Philippines - Philippine

Today, I found out the fund-raiser my uncle ran to raise money for his cancer treatment was all a sham, that he doesn't even have cancer, and that the money was to fund a coke habit nobody knew he even had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 787

You deserved it 2 369

By Nicks - 03/07/2013 15:10 - United States - Las Vegas

Spicy

Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook as she did not like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 226

You deserved it 4 791

By MissIsabel - 03/11/2010 10:43 - France

Today, I went to Ikea with my family. I was wearing a yellow polo that vaguely looked like the ones the Ikea employees were wearing. Two dozen people came up to me, complaining that I was staring at furniture instead of helping customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 072

You deserved it 12 428

By Nogood - 10/03/2013 09:09 - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, my girlfriend decided to get a new haircut. Now, she hates the haircut and blames me for, in her words, "turning me into something I'm not". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 085

You deserved it 2 998

By Whatswrongwithme? - 03/11/2013 09:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 697

You deserved it 5 708

By JoshuasGirl - 23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, after he repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me. He passed out halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 953

You deserved it 6 417

uBlock, mate

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 05:01

Spicy

Today, my husband has been in a bad mood all week, so I finally demanded to know why. He told me his favourite porn site has suddenly started showing adverts, so now he can’t wank in peace anymore without pop-up ads appearing every 20 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 188

By George Saunders - 21/03/2012 04:06 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 065

You deserved it 53 351

By LETMEOUT! - 18/09/2017 04:30

Today, despite being claustrophobic and avoiding lifts at all costs, I had to use the lift at work to carry boxes of paper to the 3rd floor. It broke down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 703

You deserved it 288

New revelation

By Anonymous - 12/01/2020 18:00

Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 243

You deserved it 173

By Anonymous - 04/01/2012 03:30 - Canada

Today, as an important meeting with clients was drawing to a close, we all stood up and they bid their farewells. My response was to blurt out, "Hello!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 573

You deserved it 7 786

By Grauncho - 22/09/2012 14:12 - United States - Chicago

Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 616

You deserved it 3 570

Classic mistake

By FuhedUp - 31/10/2021 08:00

Today, I saw my husband at a restaurant, laughing with a hot woman. He'd told me he was at a meeting with the VP of his company. Furious, I barged in and started screaming at them, calling him a cheater and a liar. Turns out the woman was actually the VP of his company, and they were in the middle of the meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 3 370

People have lists?!

By Anonymous - 22/09/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found my girlfriend's list of people she's slept with on her Google docs. There was 11 names after mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 190

By Anonymous - 22/06/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over 2 years said he wants to get married before he leaves for basic training. Not because he loves me, but because he'll get paid more if he's married. This is the only time he's been excited about marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 749

You deserved it 4 943

By wellthanks - 10/06/2013 17:04 - United States

Today, in class, we were discussing stereotypes. We were asked about common ones about nearby cities. A guy said, "Well, they say Lumberton has the prettiest girls." My teacher asked if any of us were from Lumberton, so I raised my hand. The guy quickly said, "Nevermind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 361

You deserved it 5 847

By ohaifml - 04/09/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, my dad got into an argument with the cashier about how overpriced the scented tampons were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 423

You deserved it 2 810

My brain and I

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 08:00

Today, it’s late and I’m so tired, I’m not even able to read a book anymore, or walk around without bumping into things. Yet apparently, my brain still doesn't consider this a sign that we should fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 65

By Rebecca2135 - 01/10/2018 22:05

Today, I gave a speech at a charity fundraiser. I didn't realize how close I was standing to the fan, which automatically went on. As soon as I said, "this is why you should pledge," my dress flew up. I then learned how quickly phones can take pictures and emails of my underwear can be sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 487

You deserved it 301

By Graverobber - 23/11/2018 14:00

Today, as I was fueling my truck, I was asked out to dinner by a 65-year-old retiree. I'm 25. He stormed off and called me a bitch for politely turning him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 948

You deserved it 266

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 21:31 - United States

Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 834

You deserved it 5 003

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:12

I have nightmares about school sometimes...

The_Dude_Abides_ 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:12

if you have a job that is so bad you have nightmares might be time to look for something alittle less stressful

Comments

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:05

Have fun at work =D

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:06

Is your job really that bad?

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Monday 3 January 2011 10:44

Two week holiday? That's dope that Norway has a two week holiday. It's probably a party holiday too since you came back so exhausted. Sucks that you now have work tho.

talb1 7

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Monday 3 January 2011 10:56

Dude, you know that America isn't the only country that celebrates Christmas right?

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Monday 3 January 2011 11:10

lol I don't think he's traveled much. I'm guessing op works as a mailman

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Monday 3 January 2011 12:31

What you two idiots failed to realize is that #27 is talking about the OP has a job that gives a two week holiday break. That's unusual, unless it's vacation time. I have yet to see a company give workers two weeks holiday break. You either take one or two days off for thanksgiving, Christmas, new year, etc. Some jobs you have to pick which holiday you want to take off, because you have to work during one of the holidays.

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Monday 3 January 2011 12:41

because of the bank holidays I got the whiole week off for Xmas (I'm in England) but I think he meant two week holiday as in 2 week vacation..in England and places we call "vacation" a "holiday"

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Monday 3 January 2011 22:19

Grow the fuck up

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:12

I have nightmares about school sometimes...

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:41

I'm gonna pummel you when school starts... DWEEB!

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Monday 3 January 2011 11:19

I have nightmares about polemon and that tanned guy

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 3:36

47 do u not understand the joke?

The_Dude_Abides_ 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:12

if you have a job that is so bad you have nightmares might be time to look for something alittle less stressful

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:18

Like a homeless person! thats what they should do. get hired a homeless person. BOOM, problem solved!

unidentified_sta 5

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:22

No home but freezing weather. No food. At mercy of everyone on the streets. Just like a video game, except without the game or enjoyability.

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:13

time for a new job

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Friday 13 May 2011 7:06

agreed

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:13

A sure sign you need to quit. No job is worth all that stress.

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:18

Do you strip for a living? Because there's really nothing to be afraid of. XD

JuuuusssstFML 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:25

umm I think it's time for a new job

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:30

people shud do wat they love doin something ther good at it ...that way u avoid nightmares

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Monday 3 January 2011 12:44

what if they love / are good at pogo sticks?

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Monday 3 January 2011 13:39

The things most people wish they could do for a living is usually really competitive and stressful to get into or you don't get paid unless you're ridiculously good at it. From my experience anyway.

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:40

wth? whats your job ? garbage man ?

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Monday 3 January 2011 9:43

Time for a new job?

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 59

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 62

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 125