Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML
Today, I picked out a massive two-inch long ingrown hair on my chin. I called my girlfriend in to take a look. She saw it, shrieked, then fainted, cracking her head on the toilet as she fell. Hello, hospital bill. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML
Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML
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Top comments
Poland626 0
Bet she was just practicing if you know what I mean ;D
UncleverName_FYL 0
OP can i have your daughter's number when she turns 18?
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Comments (123)
oopsie_daisy8446 0
This seems very, very retarded.
PimpinPenguin 0
Wow you know what that fist will end up being later
Emmix14 0
Hey but on the bright side,you now know your daughter can put her fist in her mouth
Shotta 3
what the hell....
yorkiegirl1691 0
Random, but Kristin chenoweth can do that =)
plexico 4
Kristin Chenoweth is into fisting? Web site, please!
blalien 0
You're all sick bastards. The daughter's probably like 8 or something. Stop being a bunch of pedophiles. How did the doctors get the hand out, anyway?
picturetaker 0
I would think it's hilarious too.
bobbo619 0
She probably looks like The Joker now. The doctors put a smile on that face!
Soggybacon 0
HA! Thats what she said!!! ROTFLMFAO
isnt_it_ironic 0
haha nice one 37 and damnn, seriously, how'd they get it out??