Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML
Today, I picked out a massive two-inch long ingrown hair on my chin. I called my girlfriend in to take a look. She saw it, shrieked, then fainted, cracking her head on the toilet as she fell. Hello, hospital bill. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML
Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML
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Top comments
Poland626 0
Bet she was just practicing if you know what I mean ;D
UncleverName_FYL 0
OP can i have your daughter's number when she turns 18?
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Comments (123)
kittengrl39 0
FYL not because your daughter did something that stupid, but because she sent the bills to you. If you're going to do that, you should be prepared to accept the consequences - including the medical bills. Send them right back to her.
nomplech 0
I think it's safe to assume the daughter is young... maybe around 10. Young enough that her parents would still be paying the medical bill. Logic. Use it.
unlucky_angel02 0
Please tell me something, dimwit. You think anyone who would think its funny to fit their fists in their mouths are over 18? Agreed with #90. ''Logic. USE IT''
FarSide 23
Riiiiight..... she would have only had to wait 6 months to get her fist removed from her mouth....
CaptainBaconMan 0
YDI for taking her to the doctor. Take care of it yourself.
biskitbukit 7
I CALL BULLSHIT. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE GETTING YOUR FIST INSIDE YOUR MOUTH, AND IF SHE WAS ABLE TO DO THAT I'M SURE SHE COULD HAVE GOTTEN IT OUT.
megs1361 0
hahaha clever username i love it
karrie91 0
LOL. i see that our dirty minds think alike. ^^
k_100 0
Hahahahahaaha why do it in the first place dumbass
lisaledger 0
is anyone else getting the "Mean Girls" vibe here?
Dale_xD 15
Omg, my mum did that. But with half a brick.
melicakes 0
Haha, how did they get it out?
hahayousuck1 0
quick question how old is she?