Work: Today, I really had to pee at work and rushed to the urinal....

By Anonymous

Today, I really had to pee at work and rushed to the urinal. I unzipped but couldn't find the hole in the front of my boxers and ended up pissing my pants. I had put my boxers on backwards. FML

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Work

Proactive

Messed up

Always ask for documentation

By stanky - United States - Columbus

Today, I was about to leave for my honeymoon with my new husband, when he saw my deodorant in my bag. He picked it up and asked what it was. When I said it was deodorant, he gave me a confused look and said "girls don't wear deodorant". He actually believed that. FML

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By Storm - Canada

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date to an expensive restaurant. After the meal, he got down on his knee and proposed. We've only been dating for two weeks, so I said no. He just silently kept staring me in the eyes, no matter what I said or did. I ended up having to walk home. FML

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38777

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By almost jobless - United States

Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML

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11593

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By jewel87 - United States

Today, I decided to wear my Ugg boots to work. I forgot that my office is carpeted and that the fur in my boots makes me shock every metal thing I touch. I work with computers all day. FML

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8756

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By fartwoman - United States

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

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By Dumped - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend got drunk and cheated on me. After I tried to talk to her about it, she dumped me. Not because she didn't like me anymore or that she liked the other guy, but because she felt "too guilty" and "wouldn't be able to look me in the eyes anymore." FML

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31563

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By creeped - United States

Today, I was talking to the guy that has been in love with me for two years. He said "There is a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a shame to lose yours." He then creepily looked at me and said "It's true." Thanks, Princess Bride, for supplying creepers with material. FML

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26635

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By SoccerBabe42 - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was 'really his own best friend.' FML

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27854

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By DefinitelyNotDogshit - United States - Levittown

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

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49579

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By anonymous - United States

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

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By catherineratley - United States - Carmi

Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML

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35340

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went into work to waitress on a table of 40 guests. They were my only table for the day and the bill came to over 700 dollars. After they left the busser was cleaning the table and threw out the credit card receipt which had my tip on it. FML

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By brando2k5 - United States

Today, I got the official word my wife is pregnant. Her sister, who lives with us, is also pregnant. I'm stuck in an apartment with two women due in late 2012. FML

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39814

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By son - Israel

Today, my mom told me that she doesn't want me to help any of my friends get a job at the restaurant I work at. Apparently, she thinks that they would do a better job than me and get me fired. FML

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27140

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By didi - France

Today, at the supermarket everybody was staring at me. After ten minutes, I realized that my umbrella was still open. FML

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17803

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By duuuuude - United States

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50876

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By Jarool - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

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51525

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By ismerf19

Today, I was working in a restaurant. On the receipt under "tip" someone actually took the time to write out "$0.00." FML

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29367

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By Carlah - 17/3/2020 20:30

Deception

Today, I found out that the 19-year-old I've been seeing is really 26, with two kids and a pregnant fiancée. I'm only 17. FML

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1971

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By DogStew

Scooby snacks?

Today, I had to watch my niece’s puppy. The darn dog kept finding turds in the yard and eating them. One turd had worms in it. FML

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1278

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By Jebus - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

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9075

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By halza - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, after a long 16 hour shift, I was milliseconds from sleep when my girlfriend said she "wants to talk". I'm now writing this from the couch. FML

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14333

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By Ella - Australia

Today, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about our communication problems. He fell asleep. FML

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36157

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By aliqi - United States

Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

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38066

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my mom doesn't know my phone number, but she does know the names of both of David Hasselhoff's daughters. FML

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By twicethepersonioncewas - United States - Merion Station

Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification that my workload would be increased to more than twice what is was before. FML

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12229

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By oreosaretoocool - United Kingdom - Cardenden

Today, I finally gave my mum an expensive designer dress I spent months saving to buy for her as she had been very depressed. However she has gained so much weight from stress eating she ripped it when trying to put it on, and now won't talk to me because, "I wanted to make her feel fat". FML

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11480

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By author - United States - Sicklerville

Today, I was at the fish store asking if they were hiring. My stepdad decided to humiliate me by screaming at them repeatedly that I'm a good person and that I deserve the job. FML

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40882

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By meteorbabe0101 - United States

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

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795983

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65376

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By FlatTire - United States

Today, I found out that I have enough driving skills to manage to hit a pothole and have two of my tires go flat. FML

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13962

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By fml - United States

Today, after 3 years at my job I received a 14% raise. I was informed I will be transitioned from hourly to salary. I will now be making $1500 LESS than I made last year. FML

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38565

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By stillwaiting - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my boss plays a trick on all the interns. He calls you to his office, then leaves you waiting outside until you get annoyed and leave. Apparently, the old record was 45mins. I waited 4 hours. FML

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50278

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By goblue - United States

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

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30370

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3150

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By Anonymous - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and sister fooling around in the shower together. Supposedly, she was sleepwalking, and he was trying to wake her up. FML

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48541

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By halitosis - United States - Compton

Today, I was riding the subway home with some friends, and when I noticed something smelled awful. My friends noticed it too. After searching for the source of the smell, it became apparent that it was my breath. FML

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18270

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By ajnmegs - United States - Aurora

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

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26065

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while video chatting with my girlfriend, who lives on the other side of the country, I thought I'd play a song for her on my guitar. The string broke and hit me in the face. I burst into tears and had to hang up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Iola

Today, a week after moving into my new house, I'm seriously considering suing the previous occupant. He failed to mention how the neighbor has his own band and rehearses every other day until 2am. Their music is so bad, it sounds like the wailing of a cat being tortured to death. FML

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By Just Me - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I came out to my mom as a lesbian. She told me that it was impossible, because since she isn't one, she therefore couldn't have given birth to one. She still won't believe me. FML

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Top comments

By Akitakat | 31

#7627058 - Wednesday 25 April 2018 13:47

Why didn’t you just pull them down?

By Zekfen | 17

#7634560 - Tuesday 15 May 2018 1:33

Everyone who is cool pees in their pants!

COMMENTS

By Akitakat | 31

#7627058 - Wednesday 25 April 2018 13:47

Why didn’t you just pull them down?

By Zekfen | 17

#7634560 - Tuesday 15 May 2018 1:33

Everyone who is cool pees in their pants!

ohsnapword | 21

#7634596 - Tuesday 15 May 2018 3:06

If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.

By ChromoTec | 24

#7634579 - Tuesday 15 May 2018 2:11

Wait a second - you pissed yourself at the toilet?

By RichardPencil | 29

#7634585 - Tuesday 15 May 2018 2:38

Because a big wet spot in your asshole region is so much cooler.

Cali | 54

#7634777 - Tuesday 15 May 2018 16:37

What makes you think he turned them around and put them back on?

RichardPencil | 29

#7635987 - Friday 18 May 2018 9:08

Either I read the last sentence wrong, or I read it correctly and you all fixed it.

Cali | 54

#7637097 - Monday 21 May 2018 5:25

We didn't change anything, but you're definitely not the only one! We shared this FML on Instagram too and half the comments were about putting the underwear back on. Oh well!

By pjsr | 32

#7634588 - Tuesday 15 May 2018 2:47

Hangovers are a bitch

By TwentyFourBeerz | 18

#7634593 - Tuesday 15 May 2018 2:55

Been there before, not to the extent of completely pissing yourself. Gotta love those buttoned up skinny jeans.

By ChakatBlackstar | 29

#7634600 - Tuesday 15 May 2018 3:24

I didn't know anyone used that. When I had to go I was always like "ain't no one got time for that" and just pulled the front down and went over the top of the underwear.

Mungolikecandy | 19

#7634648 - Tuesday 15 May 2018 7:49

It also stretches out the underwear if using the hole.

By aruden | 25

#7634601 - Tuesday 15 May 2018 3:27

Fall back option number 2 pull the front down.

By ThatGuy9679 | 13

#7634603 - Tuesday 15 May 2018 3:29

I didn't know anyone actually used that thing

By julfunky | 29

#7634610 - Tuesday 15 May 2018 4:14

Or maybe take the wet boxers OFF?