Today, while I was taking a break at work, someone stole my iPod...

By foretwintie - 6/6/2009 11:18 - Canada

Today, while I was taking a break at work, someone stole my iPod from my desk. I work in a police station. FML

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Work

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Bad news

Risky business

By Anonymous - 1/11/2018 15:30

Today, I woke up in a puddle of blood after 7 hours of sleep. Before going to bed, I had inserted a tampon that should've kept me dry for at least 8 hours. Apparently it doesn't work well if sleepy me forgets to take the top part of the plastic wrapping off. FML

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By jodafish - 8/11/2011 05:45 - Canada

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I couldn't tell her where the vitamins were in the pharmacy. The manager came and yelled at me for being lazy and incompetent. I work in the store across the street from the pharmacy. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 06:08 - United States

Today, I flew into Denver. Never being here before, I was excited to see the view from our window. In the middle seat, I leaned over to look - at the same time yawning to relieve pressure in my ears. The yawning caused me to drool on the stranger sitting next to me. FML

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By failatboys - 14/6/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, was my senior prom. I've had a crush on my date for months, but after many attempts at grinding with him and sexy seduction, he rejected me saying he was a good Catholic boy. I later found out that not only is he in touch with his religion, but intimately in touch with other boys. FML

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By chickenmcnuggetgirl - 18/3/2013 18:10 - Ireland - Enfield

Different strokes

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

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By anonymous - 25/3/2016 22:19 - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML

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By Redhottt6 - 5/8/2016 01:24

Today, I received a friend request from a boyfriend I hadn't talked to in 20+ years. A few minutes later he messaged me a picture of himself with a young woman at a strip club. My daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 15:30

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

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By someonepleasehelpme - 18/7/2014 16:49 - United States - Centreville

Today, I ran into my boyfriend of 5 years. The weird thing was that he was supposed to be in Iran. The even weirder thing was that he was with his wife and kids. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2013 11:10 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, the rollercoaster I was on stuck upside down for a few minutes. I shat myself in terror. Then, gravity took effect. FML

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By anonyme - 30/7/2014 06:51 - France - Grenoble

Today, the left side of my head has officially declared its independence. Half of my hair is now curly, the rest is totally flat. FML

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By anon - 5/4/2017 04:00

Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML

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By deadandwasted - 20/2/2010 08:20 - United States

Today, I halted a cab. It was 12 degrees and snowing outside. When I went to get in, a man shoved me away and I slipped on ice into dirty snow slush, and he stole my cab. As it drove off, the man flipped me off. FML

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By Backseatseller - 15/9/2009 05:35 - New Zealand

Today, I was at work, and some people came in looking for a particular couch. After looking for over an hour on the wholesalers website my boss walks over, makes me take my lunch break and then calls over the couple and takes all the credit for the sale. We work on commission. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I went to my Homecoming dance. I had a great time until some fat girl kept trying to dance with my date, even though he politely asked her to stop. I decided to intervene. I found myself pinned to the floor by a fat girl crushing on my date, who was cheering her on as she tackled me. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2020 08:00

Keep your distance

Today, my roommate told me she had developed a rash on her armpits, which causes them to be itchy. The doctor told her the only way to heal it is to not wear deodorant for a month. FML

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By vkryss13 - 22/6/2015 19:10 - Guam - Tamuning

Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML

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By ILoveFML - 29/8/2010 14:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready..." He then looked at me and said, "maybe you should." FML

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By someone - 9/12/2013 12:59 - United States - Mogadore

Today, my car broke down. I pulled to the side of the road to call a tow truck. After waiting what seemed like hours, the tow truck showed up, and then ran into the back of my car. FML

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By thinking of military school - 23/10/2016 20:35

Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML

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By Troy - 10/9/2019 22:00

Mom knows best

Today, my mom offered me a reward if I went out and mowed our lawn. After 45 mins of pushing a lawnmower in 95-degree heat and getting stung by a bee, I go inside and ask my mom for my reward. She comes up to me, gives me a 'loving hug' and says, "Thank you." FML

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By Janitoro - 23/11/2012 01:19 - United States

Double-edged sword

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2019 00:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for a crime that happened 27 years ago. I'm only 21. FML

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By 4gottenmemories - 8/4/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, my mom asked me to look through old VHS tapes to throw away, I found one that said "Ashley's kindergarten Play-'95", I put the tape in, it begins to play, only to see "Days of our lives", "Melrose Place", and "ER". My childhood memories are ranked lower than tv shows. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2011 23:45 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend tried to climb up to my third story window in the early hours of the morning. Just before he got to the top, he slipped and fell to the ground. My dad had to drive him to the hospital at 3am. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, as I was putting groceries away, I went to open my freezer door which randomly gets stuck by giving it a good tug, and a frozen hamburger fell on my right foot. My right foot, which is currently healing from a sprain I got a couple days ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2009 17:46 - Canada

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

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By ypsitucky - 26/7/2011 01:32 - United States

Today, a drunk crashed a truck into my porch. Shaken up, I was glad to see that so many of my neighbors had gathered around to comfort me. When the dust settled, I noticed my remaining porch furniture was missing. They weren't consoling me, they were casing the place. FML

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By Burntintomyretinas - 19/9/2012 04:40 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

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By dyingtinkerbell - 18/10/2009 11:14 - Australia

Today, I went to my company's HR manager to ask what the procedure was to file a sexual harassment complaint since my boss exposed himself to me. His response was that the procedure is to "get over it." And he went back to reading. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2016 19:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, my boyfriend is mad at me for causing him to fail a science test. Apparently he thought I was serious when I told him that homo sapiens were extinct because they were "homo". FML

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By dinosaur - 8/2/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, my friend sent me a link about a nine year old kid who wrote an iPhone app that gets 2000 downloads per week. I am a 28 year old software developer and have been failing to write an iPhone app for months. FML

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By wildwonder808 - 12/8/2013 22:47 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML

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By imcold - 30/12/2013 07:32 - United States

Today, a stranger was kind enough to plow my driveway during a blizzard. However, they were not kind enough to leave their number after plowing the front end of my car. FML

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By irulan - 14/1/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Single shot

Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2017 00:00 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, on a train to the airport the ticket inspector pointed out that my girlfriend and I hadn't activated our tickets. He suggested one of us get off and activate them at the next station. Now I'm on the moving train with all our luggage and she's waving from the platform with our tickets. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2014 15:34 - Belgium - Antwerpen

Today, I went out to a bar with some of my friends. They're all in committed relationships, but every single one of them got hit on. I'm single, and yet again, nobody even said hi to me. FML

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By bridezilla - 31/12/2015 07:47 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses with my future sister-in-law who is a little bigger than me. We tried on a similar dress and she said it looked better on me because I'm skinny. Instead of saying, 'No way' or 'It looks great on you', I accidentally said 'Yeah, I know'. FML

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By lifestinks - 5/4/2009 04:17 - Canada

Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML

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Top comments

By treli1593 | 0

#275251 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:21

thats irony for you

By Dral_fml | 0

#275267 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:24

that thief sure was brave.

COMMENTS

By treli1593 | 0

#275251 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:21

thats irony for you

Philosophic | 0

#833590 - Monday 8 February 2010 5:30

It's OBVIOUSLY fake. Cops don't have time for iPods.. they have donuts instead....

abcnonamecba | 0

#925305 - Monday 8 March 2010 16:08

@154 EPIC WIN

ryguy997 | 0

#942953 - Saturday 13 March 2010 18:37

wow epic FAIL.

gomego87 | 0

#974350 - Monday 5 April 2010 9:33

How do you know it wasn't a ghost? huh!? huh!?... Oh..Ooh. Burn? What no. not burn.. Omfg screw this.

amd3lky | 0

#1024226 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 21:24

fail on your part

By lovely997 | 0

#275266 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:24

Cops are all bad.

By Dral_fml | 0

#275267 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:24

that thief sure was brave.

By musigreg | 0

#275268 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:24

Lmfao, irony indeed.

By Button_x | 0

#275271 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:24

AMGZ go to the police station, they'll help you recover it.

Oh wait.

(Lamejokeislame)

By fmlAllStar7274 | 0

#275274 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:24

LOL- agree with #1 that sucks.....

Also, if u had a crap ipod- good excuse to get an iphone or ipod touch (which kick ass)

By kristenlee | 3

#275278 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:25

...Don't you have a security camera in the police station?
And thats what you get for feeding the corporate giant that is iPod.
go with Sansa :D

ryguy997 | 0

#942962 - Saturday 13 March 2010 18:40

no, iPod is nota corporate giant, Apple is. and they deserve it. except for there software sucking. But imagine this: A MacBook pro running Windows!

blankaex | 0

#1182094 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 18:10

Uh, dude... You can run Windows on a Macbook...

By technobutterfly | 0

#275279 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:25

Learn correct grammer.

ikickyourbutt | 9

#2515158 - Sunday 15 May 2011 20:30

Grammar Nazi!!!

bunny911 | 16

#4104497 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 7:27

Bieber Fan!!!
I'd rather befriend the grammar nazi, at least they have standards.

By NGM_KID | 0

#275283 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:26

LOL, but yeah wouldn't you have a security camera there?

#8: learn to spell :P

fsebastianslife | 0

#967885 - Thursday 25 March 2010 12:44

^^^best picture ever!!!!^^^

By wilberp3 | 2

#275285 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:26

I agree with #7 there has to be cameras