Today, while I was taking a break at work, someone stole my iPod...

By foretwintie - 6/6/2009 11:18 - Canada

Today, while I was taking a break at work, someone stole my iPod from my desk. I work in a police station. FML

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Work

Big baby man

Everyone's an expert

Hello everyone!

By Lou - 1/6/2010 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

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By This_Is_Me1982 - 3/1/2011 17:51 - Canada

Today, I found out that my friend makes more money than I do. She's a high school dropout and working at a retail job at the mall. I went to college for four years to get my job. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2015 14:33 - United States - Brownwood

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 18:16 - France

Today, I learned that everyone at college was calling me "Parallel Lines" because I've got an unibrow and an apparent hairiness over my mouth. By the way, I'm a girl. FML

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By Noname - 30/1/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I got a haircut and the first thing the lady asked was "so do you want to keep the mullet?". What mullet?! FML

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By MotherMary - 12/10/2014 13:21 - United States - Park Hills

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML

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By Ngbaheir - 20/6/2015 02:36 - United Kingdom

Today, after weeks of my crazy girlfriend avoiding me because she knew I wanted to break up with her, I had no option but to do it by text. She told all my friends, who now think I'm a coward who isn't man enough to break up in person. They didn't even ask for my side of the story. FML

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By Sovekipisse - 15/6/2013 22:24 - France - Arthon-en-retz

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2013 11:36 - United States - Big Pine Key

Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6am to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML

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By oops - 14/8/2014 21:54 - United States

Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML

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By akosirm - 25/9/2012 02:28 - Philippines

Today, I was going to a big concert at my university. I paid around a hundred twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

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By Anon - 1/4/2015 06:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother mentioned my dad's birthday party. I said, "What party?" He said, "Shit, forgot I wasn't supposed to tell you." My own father doesn't want me at his party. FML

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By MaydayManic - 10/8/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, I finally went to my boyfriend's house to meet his family. When they were giving me a tour of the house, I noticed a Nazi flag on my boyfriend's bedroom door. FML

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By WTF - 7/3/2011 09:19

Today, I was awoken by my neighbor pounding on my back door at 3 am, only to look outside and see my car engulfed in flames. FML

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By -___- - 14/9/2012 23:06 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

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By Hallllo - 11/5/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

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By Imdead - 14/9/2018 22:00

Today, we're taking the plane home from Dublin after a school trip that I only barely got onto after troubles with my passport. Luckily for me, a kind person has decided to save me from the passport this evening - together with the rest of my wallet. I'm stuck. FML

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By anon - 15/10/2012 19:00 - United States - Poquoson

Today, the power went out at school. If it's out for more than twenty minutes, standard procedure is to let us go home. They came back on almost nineteen minutes later. FML

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By Brett - 3/4/2017 22:00

Today, Club Penguin finally shut down. I then got a call from one of my employees, who said that he needed to take a day off from work to, "emotionally deal with the issue." FML

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By tramp - 10/11/2013 05:51 - United States

Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2010 10:00 - Australia

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

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By Gary - 16/7/2019 20:30

Today, after countless failed rejections and derision from women, I've realized that the only time I experience any sort of happiness is when I'm eating. They say there's someone out there for all of us, but maybe that's not true. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2016 01:09 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I gave my boss a report I wrote on my own time, full of suggestions on how to increase productivity and profits at our company. He said my ideas made "about as much sense as pistol-whipping a ghost" and that I was impressing no-one. FML

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By coffee girl - 22/7/2011 20:31 - Canada

Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2017 02:00

Today, I had to pick up my brother and his girlfriend from the bar at 2:00am because they were too drunk to drive themselves and had no money for an Uber. Five minutes into the ride, they started going at it in the back of my new car. I don't think I'll be doing favors again. FML

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By HomelessGirl1 - 21/5/2012 05:28 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, while volunteering at a local homeless shelter, I asked the woman next to me how long she'd been homeless. She works there. FML

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By ohemgee23 - 19/2/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, my little sister walked in on me and my boyfriend. I told her I would give her 10$ if she just pretended it never happened. She agreed, walked out and shut the door. Later, when my parents arrived, she yells: "Nicole and Joe were naked upstairs!" FML

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By weddingcrashed - 19/9/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, it is my wedding day. I couldn't find my very expensive wedding dress anywhere. After almost 2 hours of panic and chaos, I found it in my pool, covered in red paint, with a note on one of my lounge chairs reading, "Today is MY wedding day, bitch." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML

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By twatstick - 21/8/2013 17:30 - United Kingdom - Worksop

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

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By mpetitto - 15/8/2016 00:44 - United States - Fairmont

Today, I received an "I miss you" text from my ex of 4 months, who I still love dearly and would give anything to get back together with. Yesterday, I slept with his best friend, convinced I'd never hear from my ex again. FML

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By Courtney - 28/6/2011 02:10 - United States

Today, I couldn't figure out what was worse: accidentally dropping my car keys into the bottom of a filthy park lake, or getting a fishhook through my toenail in an attempt to retrieve them. FML

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By has-evil-friends - 26/11/2009 20:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

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By christacat - 28/9/2016 10:24 - United States - Delaware

Today, I have a speech impediment that's recently become more noticeable. My entire family has decided that the best way to go about handling it is to mock me whenever I try to say something. FML

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By someonevexed - 1/2/2009 19:01 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend called me by his mother's name for the 100th time. I'm a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2019 06:12

Today, during a driving lesson, I accidentally rear-ended a BMW at a traffic light. The number plate was "Law Man." FML

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By KidJwal - 28/2/2012 17:10 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a cop that the reason I was speeding was because my girlfriend was in the hospital due to a car accident. He was working the accident just ten minutes before and saw me leave behind the ambulance. He still gave me a ticket. FML

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By no, oh god no - 8/9/2018 14:30

Babe, I am your father.

Today, it was only as my boyfriend met my dad for the first time that I realised how alike they are. Same opinions, same dress sense, same moustache and beard, same height and body shape, similar jobs and cars, and they support the same rugby team. They got on like a house on fire as soon as they met. FML

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By meach - 6/8/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of a bad haircut. She was the one who cut my hair. FML

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By prisym - 30/8/2017 13:00

Today, I found the $3,200 engagement ring I dropped in my yard. I ran over it with my lawnmower. FML

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Top comments

By treli1593 | 0

#275251 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:21

thats irony for you

By Dral_fml | 0

#275267 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:24

that thief sure was brave.

Comments

By treli1593 | 0

#275251 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:21

thats irony for you

Philosophic | 0

#833590 - Monday 8 February 2010 5:30

It's OBVIOUSLY fake. Cops don't have time for iPods.. they have donuts instead....

abcnonamecba | 0

#925305 - Monday 8 March 2010 16:08

@154 EPIC WIN

ryguy997 | 0

#942953 - Saturday 13 March 2010 18:37

wow epic FAIL.

gomego87 | 0

#974350 - Monday 5 April 2010 9:33

How do you know it wasn't a ghost? huh!? huh!?... Oh..Ooh. Burn? What no. not burn.. Omfg screw this.

amd3lky | 0

#1024226 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 21:24

fail on your part

By lovely997 | 0

#275266 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:24

Cops are all bad.

By Dral_fml | 0

#275267 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:24

that thief sure was brave.

By musigreg | 0

#275268 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:24

Lmfao, irony indeed.

By Button_x | 0

#275271 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:24

AMGZ go to the police station, they'll help you recover it.

Oh wait.

(Lamejokeislame)

By fmlAllStar7274 | 0

#275274 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:24

LOL- agree with #1 that sucks.....

Also, if u had a crap ipod- good excuse to get an iphone or ipod touch (which kick ass)

By kristenlee | 3

#275278 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:25

...Don't you have a security camera in the police station?
And thats what you get for feeding the corporate giant that is iPod.
go with Sansa :D

ryguy997 | 0

#942962 - Saturday 13 March 2010 18:40

no, iPod is nota corporate giant, Apple is. and they deserve it. except for there software sucking. But imagine this: A MacBook pro running Windows!

blankaex | 0

#1182094 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 18:10

Uh, dude... You can run Windows on a Macbook...

By technobutterfly | 0

#275279 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:25

Learn correct grammer.

ikickyourbutt | 9

#2515158 - Sunday 15 May 2011 20:30

Grammar Nazi!!!

bunny911 | 16

#4104497 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 7:27

Bieber Fan!!!
I'd rather befriend the grammar nazi, at least they have standards.

By NGM_KID | 0

#275283 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:26

LOL, but yeah wouldn't you have a security camera there?

#8: learn to spell :P

fsebastianslife | 0

#967885 - Thursday 25 March 2010 12:44

^^^best picture ever!!!!^^^

By wilberp3 | 2

#275285 - Saturday 6 June 2009 16:26

I agree with #7 there has to be cameras