Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Today, I spent way too long baby-talking my neighbor’s dog through the fence, calling him "the cutest, sweetest baby." It turned out that my neighbor was sitting on the other side of the fence the entire time, out of view, quietly giggling at me. FML
Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month-old on the (carpeted) floor in the living room. When I woke up, my daughter had bombed her diaper, and her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen. FML
Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML
Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I walked outside to find my 3 year-old daughter and her pet fish playing together on the swings. FML
Today, I was sitting in the living room with my husband when we heard a baby coo. This would have been adorable, if we had a baby. FML
Today, I enjoyed a romantic evening at home with my husband while a babysitter took care of my 5-year-old daughter. After she came home, she told me the sitter let her use her "weird swing." I wasn't too worried, until she said it was indoors, and I realized she was describing a sex swing. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
Today, I tried to bond with my baby nephew by making funny faces at him. He stared at me like I was the most confusing creature he had ever seen, then burst into tears so loud it scared the dog. FML
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Top comments
aabhasj 20
dog turned out to be friendly so its still kinda cute even though its not ur dog.
FlamingColor 30
At least the dog was friendly and in the holiday sprit! :D
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Comments (68)
sadistmonkey 19
At first I interpreted this FML as meaning there was a ghost dog or a hallucinated dog.
StarkWolf_fml 23
lock your doors!!
gracehi 33
I doubt the five month old was keeping a dog a secret though. I too am curious as to how this happened. Maybe they have a cat door and the dog was small enough to come in that way? Or OP accidentally left the front or back door open. Those are my best guesses. If it's the latter, she's lucky it was just a friendly dog that came into her house and not something--or someone--meaner.
zarrganaut 17
You have one now...
vegantreegirl 26
Wow. That is really weird. And to the paranoid commenter above: I have lived almost 30 years letting my dogs lick me in the face and never once have I gotten sick or had parasites. Calm down.
Xquisite1 28
I don't think you will get sick. For me personally it's the gross factor. Some dogs eat their own feces & the idea of having them lick my face after they've licked themselves or consumed feces sickens me. To each is own though.
Caroline_Grace_ 20
At least the dog seems friendly. Your daughter is just making friends!
samlovesham1234 9
At least it wasn't the Bumpus' hounds stealing your turkey dinner.
DogeDogeDoge 13
Who let the doge out?!
DaBossSlayer 8
Plot twist, the dog was actually an uncle!
more4me 27
Real dog or imaginary friend ?