Miscellaneous: Today, I painted an area I had carefully sanded, cleaned, and... - FML

By Carmen - 26/02/2011 13:57 - United States

Today, I painted an area I had carefully sanded, cleaned, and taped off. I pulled a fan out of the closet to help dry it faster. I turned the fan on, and a million dust particles flew off onto the wet paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 795

You deserved it 31 830

BO Central

Night terrors

Dad, stop driving my car

By Soline - 08/12/2008 12:05 - France

Spicy

Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 112

You deserved it 8 961

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 04:12 - Australia

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 502

You deserved it 3 851

Worst threesome ever

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 11:02

Spicy

Today, I finally got pulled into a threesome with the girl I've loved for years and another friend. She led the interaction with, "You only get to touch her" then, "I just wish [her ex] was here" and finished with, "OK, it's weird with you here, you can just go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 217

By MitchFail - 23/07/2009 06:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 661

You deserved it 73 906

By Rob - 06/06/2012 16:02 - United States - Neoga

Spicy

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 715

You deserved it 42 445

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 07:53 - United States - Carbondale

Today, I was complimented by a stranger, who said I looked great in my outfit. I thanked her, and she immediately gave me a fist-bump. I stared curiously, and she explained: she was arguing with her friends about whether I'm a man or a woman. The pitch of my voice was the answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 338

You deserved it 4 490

By Anonymous - 18/06/2011 01:26 - Israel

Today, I'm sat at home alone on a Friday night, watching a documentary online about decomposing elephants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 790

You deserved it 10 280

My fingernail

By Krazydude1000 - 03/01/2020 14:00

Today, I found out that my old DVD player stopped reading my movie disks. I had the dumb idea to stick my finger in there to see what was the problem. I found the problem, and that was that my fingernail wasn't on my finger after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 2 031

By Ellen - 21/11/2009 00:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that you should always make sure the car is in 'park' before you get it on wildly in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 241

You deserved it 30 157

Bad day

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, I accidentally set off an alarm at the school I work for. No one was there, I didn't have the code or password the company needed, my boss wouldn't answer his phone, 3 policemen interrogated me and asked for ID but realized I left home without my wallet. There was nothing I could do. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 131

You deserved it 5 789

By banj0 - 06/10/2012 22:58 - United States - Madison

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 643

You deserved it 2 196

By susan - 17/11/2012 22:31 - United States - Naperville

Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 847

You deserved it 27 067

By Anonymous - 15/02/2012 19:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He let me know by shaving "CYA" into my dog's fur and then moving out before I got home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 802

You deserved it 2 768

By thepokemonkid - 27/02/2013 05:03 - United States - Avon

Today, I finally made a Facebook account after being home-schooled my entire life. I friended people that I know and their friends, and subsequently sparked a debate on whether or not I exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 248

You deserved it 4 123

By PickYourselfUp - 06/10/2014 03:17 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 785

You deserved it 8 605

By F- Forever - 03/10/2017 16:00

Today, out of spite, I wrote "Ms. Piggy" instead of my professor's actual name in the heading of my essay. Guess what I forgot to do before turning it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 4 974

By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 471

You deserved it 5 905

By sasha625 - 22/12/2018 14:00

Today, I was running late for work. My windshield had completely frozen over. I didn’t have anything to dissolve the ice..except some coffee I had made 30 minutes earlier. I decided to dump my coffee on my windshield. Instead of dissolving the ice, the creamer froze on entire windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 3 605

By missunlucky - 18/02/2010 00:24 - Czech Republic

Spicy

Today, I was at a club with my friends and my friend got really drunk. Later on he came up to me and said he really needed to pee but he was too drunk to work the zipper, and asked if I could help. When I finally unzipped him, he was so desperate to go he pissed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 913

You deserved it 9 897

By farmakakis - 21/12/2009 06:25 - Australia

Today, I wore a pair of glasses with no lenses because I thought I'd look smarter. I ended up poking myself in the eye several times, leaving it swollen. So much for making me look smarter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 637

You deserved it 56 497

It's a coup!

By everythingWASperfect - 13/11/2010 14:43 - Canada

Today, at work, I accidentally walked into a meeting at which the whole company was there but me. The meeting was about how they could legally fire me while paying as little severance as possible. I'm the CEO and the founder of the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 839

You deserved it 4 315

By fml - 19/01/2011 01:49 - United States

Today, I let my dogs out, and then realized they didn't have their electric fence collars on. I ran inside to get the collars, then dashed out to put them on my dogs. I ran through the electric fence. The collars were on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 817

You deserved it 40 791

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 13:56 - India - Chennai

Today, I've been calling my girlfriend by her nickname for so long, I had to reactivate my Facebook account to find her real name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 251

You deserved it 26 672

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 15:43 - United States - South Salem

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 814

You deserved it 7 414

Spreading

By Bubbilility - 26/12/2020 20:02 - Australia

Today, my mother called me from the other side of the world to tell me she's got Covid. She got it from a friend, who later told her that they had attended anti-mask rallies. She's only been visiting her friend because she needs internet to keep working and can't get it where she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 110

Opening old wounds

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 12:01 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out the garage and found one of my old science fair projects. It was disqualified for outside help and cheating. I didn't do either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 56

Confess!

By hitandrun - 10/08/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 147

You deserved it 75 355

By o_O - 23/06/2013 17:26 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 187

You deserved it 4 123

Friends like these

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I found out that my closest friend of many years had been putting on a charade of being my friend, and has decided that they can't be bothered with the effort of me existing any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 74

By Rockyio - 30/09/2009 17:45 - Canada

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend called me at work and offered to take me out to lunch. When he went to pay for the meal, his card was declined so I told him not to worry and that I would pay for the birthday meal. He looked at me and said "It's your birthday?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 177

You deserved it 3 580

By depressed - 03/09/2013 21:43 - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, my new creative writing teacher informed the class that we should consult him before writing anything "dark or disturbing." I only took the class because my therapist recommended that I join the class so I could freely express my darker thoughts without her help or a fear of being judged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 170

You deserved it 3 057

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 515

You deserved it 176

By soontobemurder - 03/05/2017 18:00

Today, my boss took back my week off because he wants to take a spontaneous Caribbean vacation with his wife, which is "clearly more important" than what I was going to do. I needed that time off so I could be with my Dad in hospice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 681

You deserved it 241

By brokeasscollegelife - 20/11/2015 21:25 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I biked to the store to buy a new lock, since biking is my only form of transportation. I left my bike unattended for the last time, only to come back with a new chain, but no bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 544

You deserved it 3 421

The planets made me do it

By c…… - 12/10/2021 08:00

Today, my sister wrecked my car, then blamed it on, "Mercury being in retrograde." FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 59

By Anonymous - 29/05/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I tried to have sex in the shower. While trying to support her weight, as we got into things, I slipped backwards on the wet floor and fell through the Pyrex side of the shower, with her crashing down on me. I now have bits of Pyrex in my back and have to replace the shower side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 743

By theatreluver - 05/01/2011 03:15 - United States

Today, it was opening night for the play where I was, for the first time ever, one of the leads. I went on stage with a loud and energetic entrance. I came in two scenes early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 379

You deserved it 33 477

By ForeverAlone - 16/04/2011 00:52 - United Kingdom

Today, after watching over my drunken mother all last night to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit, I came to the conclusion that at the age of 53, she's more of a party animal than I ever will be. I'm a 22 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 901

You deserved it 5 370

By RIPmyhair - 20/12/2018 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when he asked if it was okay to finish on my back. Not only did he do that but he also got it on my neck, the side of my face, and my hair which I'd just gotten done at the salon for almost $200 and can't wash for 2 days. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 095

You deserved it 2 082

By Anonymous - 24/09/2014 13:58 - United States

Today, I went to use the porta potty at the construction site I work at and found two homeless people having sex in it. I almost got fired, because my advisor blamed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 309

You deserved it 4 090

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Saturday 26 February 2011 21:40

NEVER put a fan on wet paint, even if its brand new out of the box. You should always allow the paint to dry naturally

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Saturday 26 February 2011 20:40

Dust yourself off and try again.

Comments

truehitman2010 0

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Saturday 26 February 2011 20:21

ydi

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Saturday 26 February 2011 21:33

maybe it was in/on the fan. either way.. it sucks

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Sunday 27 February 2011 5:34

YDI for being that stupid

xXUND3ADcityXx 0

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Friday 13 April 2012 10:57

YDI.. You really didn't notice all the dust on the fan

herpderpherpderp 13

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Sunday 4 November 2012 0:14

.

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Saturday 26 February 2011 20:40

Dust yourself off and try again.

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Sunday 27 February 2011 4:06

omg I would get soooooo mad

JustinThunder 8

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Saturday 26 February 2011 20:43

That's why you should hire other people for these things.

that_is_Nathy 9

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Saturday 26 February 2011 21:13

YDI for being incredibly stupid. Really....

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Saturday 26 February 2011 21:17

I don't blame you. A lot of people wouldn't have thought of it.

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Sunday 27 February 2011 12:42

Classic.

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Saturday 26 February 2011 21:40

NEVER put a fan on wet paint, even if its brand new out of the box. You should always allow the paint to dry naturally

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Sunday 27 February 2011 9:03

pun?

SassiestLemon 2

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Sunday 27 February 2011 10:38

I don't see any pun.

supervacaneous 4

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Saturday 26 February 2011 22:22

Or leave it on and call it abstract art.

Rosa_La_Hermosa 5

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Saturday 26 February 2011 22:32

FYL that must have sucked so bad, I know I would have gotten so frustrated.

TheLadWhoLived 0

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Sunday 27 February 2011 6:37

Because, of course, you would've anticipated dust flying off of the fan blades onto the wet paint.

that_is_Nathy 9

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Sunday 27 February 2011 9:16

i would. Ever cleaned a fan from the inside? No? See. Found teh point. Plus, I wouldn't try to make it dry faster, I'd right away buy the right paint. Or be patient enough to wait, because wrong drying can fuck this thing up in so many ways. I don't think waiting is that horrible, since a whole room last year took about an hour to dry. That's not too much

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Sunday 27 February 2011 10:15

Unless you have many coats to apply and only a short amount of time. Actually using a fan would be the smarter thing to do, shortens the time thus less time for accidents to happen.. OP YDI~I don't usually YDI unless a married husband gets caught, ect. You can see the dust and mess build up on the bank of a fan..

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Saturday 26 February 2011 22:52

YDI!! Dumb move!!

meeba 2

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Sunday 27 February 2011 0:14

wow FYL

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 75

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 285