Animals: Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have... - FML

By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 479

You deserved it 2 911

Own it

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Crossword anxiety

Who the fuck are you?

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 02:02

Today, I finally mustered up the courage to send a message to the girl I've been crushing on for years. I'm now blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 174

Mask confusion

By clairebear99 - 08/06/2021 08:01

Today, my coworker screamed at me for once again calling her by a different coworker's name. They have the same hair, skin color, and body type, so I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to tell them apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 1 384

By Mandy - 09/05/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I finished a drawing that I spent over 14 hours working on for my mom for Mother's Day. I took it outside to seal it with fixative. I took of the clear lid, shook the can, then sprayed red spray paint all over my art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 644

You deserved it 24 626

By mocass’1 - 13/10/2008 08:19 - France

Today, in class, I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy. Shyly, I write our initials (L and A) into a heart on his hand to see his reaction. He said, "I love Los Angeles too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 525

You deserved it 43 768

By Dan V - 05/09/2016 06:35 - United States - Troy

Today, I found out my co-worker had made plans for a night out, just as I'd cancelled all of mine to work with him on a project for the next 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 953

You deserved it 849

By Ulysse - 01/01/2009 19:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I have my new iPod Touch, and I'm walking down the street. Since it's really cold, I'm wearing gloves. At some point, I want to change the song, and don't want to remove my gloves. I try changing the song with my nose, for about 3 minutes, until I realize I look really stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 222

You deserved it 37 446

By Anonymous - 12/08/2014 00:34 - United States - Columbus

Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 421

You deserved it 4 879

Ungeeked

By Anonymous - 28/02/2021 04:01 - United States - Weyauwega

Today, while trying to fix a corrupted USB hard drive with my wife’s computer I accidentally wiped her laptop drive instead of clearing the external drive. I’m not allowed on her computers anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 1 451

Healthcare is a human right

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 21:01 - United States - Edwardsville

Today, I was yelled at by my mom because I didn't hear her. I'm only 16, but I swear, to some extent, I'm losing my hearing, I don't even know what from. I've told her this, but she can't hear out of one ear, so of course it wouldn't feel real. I do feel bad about it, but I haven't heard her every time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 54

By Anonymous - 07/03/2018 09:00 - United States - Stamford

Today, my boss entrusted me with his car to run an errand, as I usually take the bus. I managed to get there and back safely before someone slammed into me while I was re-entering the lot, causing major damage. It was his wife, who thought I was a car thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 776

You deserved it 272

By CantPoop - 13/07/2018 08:00 - United States - Springdale

Today, I was telling my wife how being told to drink water all day when you're not even thirsty is "such a scam". Suddenly, I felt an excruciating pain in my abdomen. The ER had to give me IV fluids because I was so constipated from dehydration. The bill was over $2000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 6 972

Too much of a good thing

By Anonymous - 14/09/2020 17:02

Spicy

Today, after my girlfriend warned me she has the condition hypersexuality and like a fool I thought I’d landed on my feet, or on my back as it were, do you have any idea how bad sex is when you have it between 5 and 10 times a day for over a year? It’s basically a chore at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 751

You deserved it 614

By Username - 28/02/2011 16:26

Today, my assistant manager was arguing with a customer. I interjected letting the customer know that "we want everything to be copacetic." After the customer left, I received a write up for using "big words." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 832

You deserved it 5 370

By Dump Tump - 29/03/2019 22:00

Today, my flute broke. I have an exam coming tomorrow and all repair shops are closed. I guess I’ll have to lose £150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 159

By Sabre777 - 17/08/2019 22:00

Today, while as a therapist, a client made an audible fart and pointed out that she had done so. Shortly after, she wrinkled her nose as she savored the odor. She began to discuss her significant trauma issues. Before I could respond, her fart wafted over to me, making any mature response pointless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 01/08/2014 22:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 603

You deserved it 18 284

This is fine

By Anonymous - 25/09/2020 10:49

Today, I envy all the mothers who get to hide in their bathroom, engulfed in tears, when at their breaking points. I'm a single mom of two heathens. Today, like most days, really I had to threaten violence at the top of my lungs so they would stop fighting long enough for me to simply use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 443

By M.L. - 06/09/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 393

You deserved it 12 738

By Ms Yeins - 26/04/2019 14:00 - Belgium - Mechelen

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public toilet. When I threw away the used one and opened a new one, it turned out that it had no thread on it! I took another one out. Again, defective! It was the last one I had with me, and it was the second day of my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 097

You deserved it 167

By Username - 04/05/2011 03:24

Today, I can't attend an interview for a great job because I have an exam. An exam I need to pass in order to have a great job like the one I'm missing the interview for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 201

You deserved it 4 096

By Sean - 09/10/2010 20:54 - United States

Today, I got a zero on my math test. My teacher was convinced that I had written the answers on my arm. No answers, just really thick, black arm hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 446

You deserved it 3 318

By Anonymous - 19/08/2014 21:54 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 898

You deserved it 11 774

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 08:08

Today, it's been a week since my boyfriend has touched me or even paid attention to me, because I refuse to buy him a car. I do everything for him and he owes me $3,000 already, but when I cried about using my savings on him, he said, "That’s not my problem.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 592

By M. Moore - 10/06/2019 18:00

Today, my 12-year-old son came home after a week with his father. He was still wearing the same socks and underwear I sent him out with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 057

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 27/09/2010 15:07 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I got a graphing calculator and my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 509

You deserved it 4 783

By yankeeboy123 - 12/01/2015 05:03 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her reason? Not enough guys have been liking her photos on Instagram since we started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 572

You deserved it 3 310

By Anonymous - 06/02/2017 21:00 - Canada - Jansen

Today, I was talking to a girl online and she stopped talking to me abruptly after seeing my picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 231

You deserved it 761

By Username - 13/09/2010 23:19 - France

Today, I found out my grandmother doesn't wear underwear when she bent over in front of me in her inappropriately short nightgown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 543

You deserved it 2 814

By j0hn - 23/02/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I saw my mom sneaking meat into her spaghetti sauce. She told me she sneaks meat into most of the food she cooks. I've been a vegetarian for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 921

You deserved it 17 452

By Alex - 21/11/2018 03:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, my wife, being very considerate, bought me a new phone for my birthday. That would be fine and dandy if cops didn't enter my house and say I stole it. Turns out my wife payed $900 from MY credit card to the person who stole the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 890

You deserved it 176

By FUCKING POWER - 02/11/2013 21:41 - United States - Wixom

Today, there was a power outage at my apartment. I ended up deciding that the power wasn't going to come on any time soon, and that I should go to a hotel for the night. Just after I unpacked at the hotel, my neighbor called to say the power had come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 467

You deserved it 43 989

By bdogge99 - 02/04/2012 05:59 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was at the dentist. During my check-up, he recommended a dermatologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 963

You deserved it 2 932

By Anonymous - 24/05/2011 03:19 - Canada

Today, my boss contacted me to come in for a quick meeting. I drove 30 minutes to get to work only to find out she was firing me and wanted my key card back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 912

You deserved it 2 909

By crapules - 23/12/2008 04:18 - France

Today, my boss asked me, "Can I give you some constructive criticism?" I said yes. He told me, "Your work is really shit. You have no talent and I can't figure out why I hired you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 888

You deserved it 3 652

By anon - 31/03/2016 01:09 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I went to 7-11, where the cashier asked me if I had the app to get rewards. She then looked at me and said, "Never mind, I can tell you don't." I guess I have no control over my resting bitch face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 992

You deserved it 2 102

Entitled

By RachelD - 17/07/2021 18:01 - United States

Today, I can’t make it to my friend’s birthday party because my dog died this morning. I called my friend to inform her and she screamed at me because a "dumb animal" is more important than her best friend. Oh, and she asked me if that also means she won’t be getting a present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 340

You deserved it 113

By eyebags - 10/10/2016 13:04 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside down, they would look the same - and proved it with Photoshop. After a bit of thought, she decided that it's because the bags under my eyes are dark enough to look like eyelids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 414

You deserved it 894

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 09:24 - Australia

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 652

You deserved it 6 920

By Anon - 28/01/2019 06:00 - United States - West Jefferson

Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 465

You deserved it 219

By wtf is a naruto?! - 27/07/2019 09:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was helping my cousin plan her backyard wedding. I requested September 19-21 off for visiting and festivities. My asshole of a boss is refusing, because of some proposed Area 51 invasion. I have no idea what he’s talking about, and I’m afraid I might miss the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 882

You deserved it 148

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Friday 21 October 2011 8:48

Urinary tract infection. Or in your case, unable to investigate.

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Friday 21 October 2011 8:43

ohhhh. well guess u can go green and stop buying plastic bags

Comments

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Friday 21 October 2011 8:43

ohhhh. well guess u can go green and stop buying plastic bags

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Friday 21 October 2011 18:24

My cat used to do that, we used to put a plastic bag lining in her litter box for easy clean up but then she started to pee on anything plastic feeling. Maybe you have the same problem

chickenwalrus 14

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Saturday 22 October 2011 0:06

Cat pees on plastic bags... put plastic bags outside... cat pees outside, no extra cleanup. *trollface*

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Sunday 23 October 2011 23:04

I have that same fetish

lalatookasheema 8

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Friday 21 October 2011 8:44

What the .. is a UTI?

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Friday 21 October 2011 8:48

Urinary tract infection. Or in your case, unable to investigate.

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Friday 21 October 2011 8:49

Urinary Tract Infection

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Friday 21 October 2011 9:39

Urinary tract infection.... And I thought I was blonde!

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Friday 21 October 2011 9:54

But you have cats. I don't even own a pet. So I didn't know. But thanks to Freeze I know now! :)

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Friday 21 October 2011 10:02

Someone who thumbs down Freeze's comment either is jealous or missed the thumbs up button. Nicely done.

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Friday 21 October 2011 10:58

18, Do you also not own a body?

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Friday 21 October 2011 11:17

Humans can also get a UTI, which is not very pleasant!

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Friday 21 October 2011 14:25

Humans get urinary tract infections too, even more than animals......

BloodofaSavior 0

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Friday 21 October 2011 17:58

Urinary tract infection

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Saturday 22 October 2011 5:16

Way to be 10 hours late.

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Monday 24 October 2011 7:14

You probly shoulent be a slob and leave plastic bags randomly laying around

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Friday 21 October 2011 8:52

So don't let him near plastic bags

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Friday 21 October 2011 8:54

Don't keep plastic bags by that kinky cat of yours.

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Friday 21 October 2011 8:58

Just get him his own plastic bag and let him have his way ;)

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Friday 21 October 2011 8:59

At least it didnt develop a fetish for pissing on the carpet, couch, or anything else that's expensive.

VeganVampyre 26

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Friday 21 October 2011 15:19

Exactly! It could be much worse. When my cat gets a UTI she pees AND poops in my clothes. Yey.

jellitonoctopus 19

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Friday 21 October 2011 8:59

Place a plastic bag in his litter box.

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Friday 21 October 2011 9:00

You should have got him a 'cat' scan. I know . I'm not funny.

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Friday 21 October 2011 10:36

*gives courtesy thumbs up*

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Friday 21 October 2011 22:16

That made me chuckle tbh.

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Friday 21 October 2011 9:05

Thats so gross. Cat piss is so rank. Either break Mr.Frisky of his new kink by squirting him in the face everytime he shows interest in a plastic bag or send him on his way. Or just let your house reek of cat piss and it will be just u and kitty for a long long time.

MagicallyFat 12

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Friday 21 October 2011 18:11

Fuck you lady. You don't just throw a cat out for doing that. Just like how your mom didn't throw you out for being a bitch.

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Friday 21 October 2011 22:17

Wow u really feel some type of way about that? Lol calm down, to let a pet go is a very hard decision to make, but at the same time, if my cat can't stop pissing on things in my home, it has to go... Period. And if u don't like it, bite me.

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Friday 21 October 2011 9:18

reading this FML made my brain explode.

ydi_4_suking 20

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Friday 21 October 2011 10:56

Dumbass

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Friday 21 October 2011 20:22

fuck you! Internet gangster

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 5

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 1 311

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 181