Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML
Today, my wife and I were with friends when she said that men who like guns all have tiny penises. "Seriously, even smaller than me!" I added, and only realized what I'd said when the laughter started. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML
Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML
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Top comments
etchsanity1 11
You pointed out your tiny penis to your girlfriend ... Who may have once been a dude... Ydi
lovepandorasaver 11
Well you single handedly ruined your relationship...
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Comments (112)
Enslaved 38
Man-hands remind me of "Seinfeld".
perdix 31
Ya got to love the "Sein!"
WritingWrongs 8
God, I love that show! And clearly OP is not "master of his own domain".
KiddNYC1O 22
"She had man hands!" I'm watching Seinfeld right now.
ReturnOfTheRat 6
Thank you I was waiting for someone to reference seinfeld!
SirCharles83 13
Wouldn't he notice the man hands some other time before his junk was in her hand? When they hold hands, he doesn't notice she has the handshake of a gorilla? Maybe it's not even the size of his piece, but that he himself has baby hands.
flockz 20
if you need some support, just tell yourself "i can't have a small penis because it's bigger than every piece of maccaroni ever made." that helps me alot.
fml121785 14
Actually there is a giant macaroni noodle in JFK Park in Philly. :( Sorry to burst your happy bubble, but I just thought you should be correctly informed. You can still say "bigger than all but one macaroni noodle"! ;)
ManInTheMachine 20
Of COURSE she has man hands! It's completely improbable of her to think that you have a less-than-average sized penis, when it's very obvious that she has abnormally large hands. How silly of her! I sense a man in denial. Don't worry OP; it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean. Unless your 'boat' is more like a boogie board. ;)
ManInTheMachine 20
*unfair for her Not improbable of her. Oops.
jem970 19
That sir made me laugh like crazy. Thank you.
Moep20 24
Exactly. As long as both are satisfied in the end I don't see any problem with big hands or a small... You should both get over it.
DKjazz 20
38- Unless you have incredible stamina.
bassmanhec 2
How is it not the size? If you can't hit the right spot, then its not what you do with it. Date a midget, its better.
SJsGirl 8
It sounds like that's coming from experience, 67.
Dracoboxer357 36
Forgive me here Op, but you're with this person because you like them, safe to say? A person can't Normally do much to adjust the size of their hands or penis......this is something you didn't notice or even care about before, so it couldn't have been some obvious monstrosity. So why is this an issue now? Who cares even if you Do have a small penis? Or if her hands aren't little raccoon claws? Really, if both of you are truly hung up on this, then you both are equally shallow and deserve each other. :p Rude I know, and I apologize for that, but if you actually loved her, you wouldn't give a shit. And vice versa. :p
Feverrotes 15
You can turn the lights off but the issue here isn't perception, but rather...size.
anonymousAMH 5
Correction... The issue was definitely perception of the sizes. Once it was seen the issues came about.
perdix 31
If she's your girlfriend, your **** is obviously in her "acceptable" range. Her L is more F'd than yours by a score of 2-1. Her beefy hands versus your teeny peeny made it a tie, but then your absolute stupidity to mention how small your dick looks means she is saddled with dating an idiot. . . which is even worse than dating a clever microphallus.
bach2121 13
You have no filter
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Is her name Mandy? You can call her 'Handy Mandy'!
skyeyez9 25
Large hands have its benefits. Like playing the piano, guitar, opening jars, swimming, slapping someone.
shadowsorel 15
She should slap OP for saying she has man hands.
loserman67 36
So you pointed out your "small penis" on purpose? I think you were trying to sabatoge the relationship and your sub-conscious took over. To begin with, no man ever thinks his penis is small and no man would ever admit to have a small penis, especially to the woman he is currently putting it to... If she wasn't complaining, then there wasn't a problem, but you had to go ahead and make one. May I suggest that you start dating dwarf women. Your penis will always look large in that situation, BUT if it doesn't, keep your mouth shut!