Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my 3-year-old son decided to pull down his pants and pee outside as our local city's parade had just started marching down the street. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, in marching band, the guy in front of me backed up too far. As we turned, the back of his trombone hit mine, smashing it into my lip. I had to finish the song, all while sending blood down my horn. FML
Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML
Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML
Today, I was at the park and needed to take a piss really badly. I opened my car door and stood to pee, but good old Mother Nature ran by and the wind blew it all into my car. My entire driver side smells like pee. FML
Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML
Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML
Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML
Today, I was giving a speech at my best friend’s wedding. Mid-speech, I felt something was off. I looked down and realized I had a huge stain on my trousers. Not just a small stain, but a whole wet patch from crotch to knee. I had to finish the speech with one hand covering it. I later sniffed it, it was only champagne, but still… FML
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Top comments
wildcats909 9
If your city's parade and drinking celebrations were anything like mine - you definitely weren't the only one that pissed your pants
bjhhjh 20
Just blame it on being drunk! St patricks day eh!
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Comments (78)
LisaDay 14
that sucks, ive had a horn player empty his spit valve on me during band class by accident. a lot of them usually spilled it on themselves. but hey, at least you were in a parade!
jazzy_123 20
it was probably #24
TacoChewsday 10
I know what you mean, OP. I am in the marching band, too. Even though I am a woodwind player, I see our brass almost constantly emptying spit valves. On the bright side, way to go on the parade!
fleckney26 25
Before you open it, why don't you put the horn to the side? It's what I do...
rmsutton 20
I bet you're a sousaphone. I play that in marching band and those spit valves are really inconveniently placed to where the only place to open them is down your front. I just felt lucky that my sousa was a little weird and the spit drained from the key valves so I just had a wet spot on my stomach after a long time of playing.
weveallbeenthere 30
no big deal, not like it was broadcast on TV, oh wait, it was.
inner_peace 19
That's one big perk of being a woodwind (except for the bari sax, which I play). And my horrible experience with the bari's spit valve has me feeling sympathizing with you, OP. FYL!
Bandking 12
It was a Bari sax too hahah
tbro47 23
Think of it this way. Most of the people at that parade won't remember anything tomorrow anyway it's a lot like mardi gras in louisiana.
_itsannebee_ 4
Lol haha that sucks I feel bad but say someone spilled something on you...
ArellaRoth 12
What instrument do you play? That's the power of the woodwinds! XD Lol sorry about the placement of the spit valve, all my guy friends complain of the same thing (they're all brass players too) FYL by the way!
ElementaryEdGuy 18
I'm a clarinet player, and I guess I like that the spit just comes straight out on to the floor.
Masonjar13 10
This one time at band camp..