Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my 3-year-old son decided to pull down his pants and pee outside as our local city's parade had just started marching down the street. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, in marching band, the guy in front of me backed up too far. As we turned, the back of his trombone hit mine, smashing it into my lip. I had to finish the song, all while sending blood down my horn. FML
Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML
Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML
Today, I was at the park and needed to take a piss really badly. I opened my car door and stood to pee, but good old Mother Nature ran by and the wind blew it all into my car. My entire driver side smells like pee. FML
Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML
Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML
Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML
Today, I was giving a speech at my best friend’s wedding. Mid-speech, I felt something was off. I looked down and realized I had a huge stain on my trousers. Not just a small stain, but a whole wet patch from crotch to knee. I had to finish the speech with one hand covering it. I later sniffed it, it was only champagne, but still… FML
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Top comments
wildcats909 9
If your city's parade and drinking celebrations were anything like mine - you definitely weren't the only one that pissed your pants
bjhhjh 20
Just blame it on being drunk! St patricks day eh!
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Comments (78)
Abelmank 6
A couple months ago, my school's band and i had to take a pic for an ad and my baritone leaked an entire river on me. My band director thought it was so funny he didn't tell me. :l
PurpleDrankkx 7
Was it the one in Chicago? Mello player, totally understand
cmitchell52 7
Are you experienced enough to be playing in a marching band haha if you've practiced at least once you know exactly where the water will exit your instrument. ( 8th year playing trombone)
Bandking 12
Actually I've just picked up Bari sax just a few months ago, I normally play alto
idknicholle 14
clarinet my friend, is the only way my fellow band geek!
MemphisBelle45 9
I have the same problem with my trumpet, sad part is, I play the solo at football games so everyone can see me and the stained pants
numitor 1
As a fellow horn player, I feel your pain brother.
RageWolf16 31
Okay how the **** have you been playing long enough to be marching in a parade but don't know where your spit valve empties? Did you not notice it during rehearsals?
KarSkittle 19
As a trumpet player in marching band, I totally get you OP. That really sucks, but at least your fellow horns know the truth!