Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
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Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML
Today, I'm recovering from abdominal surgery. In addition to pain, I'm having trouble peeing and haven't pooped since Sunday, so my surgeon prescribed a laxative. Turns out I'm allergic to it. Now I'm covered in hives, even in my ears, incisions, and lady parts. I also still haven't pooped. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I'm on opioids due to severe pelvic pain. Taking them makes me constipated and increases my pain, which leads to taking more painkillers. I can choose to be in agony and the possibility of pooping, or be in slightly less pain and completely bunged up. FML
Today, my colon got perforated during a routine colonoscopy. Apparently, it's a rare complication and I have no legal recourse. So now I'll need to use a colostomy bag for the next 6 months until I can get surgery to fix their mistake. FML
Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I stopped taking prescription narcotics for pain, which make you constipated. I also enjoyed a few beers. Because of this collaboration, I had a very painful first turd followed by a flow of burning liquid. I cried. FML
Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
+1 for describing it as "small child wrapped in barbed wire". I think that really adds to the imagery
kiran_fml 5
Maybe you should ask for an alternate medicine if they offer it.
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Comments (183)
johnb8016 0
You totaly deserved this because on your medical release paper and perscriptions, it told you to buy over the counter stool softener. Next time you have surgury, READ your paperwork.
RogueWarrior869 23
*totally and *surgery
krewer21 1
Ahhh yes the sad inconsistency of pain meds v. constipation. At this point; water, mineral oil, softeners and no more pain meds!
2112mike 4
So you decided, while on the toilet, to write an FML?
RogueWarrior869 23
This is what laptops are for.
RogueWarrior869 23
This works for me. Sip on some warm water. Do not down it or drink it fast, just drink some slow and it almost always helps. Hope you feel better, op!
spidermangirl 0
Why share this?
benhd1 14
Take laxatives Or eat a lot of fibre or foods with fibre Large amounts of olives and/ or grapes can induce diarrhœa And those delicious Fiber One snacks, eat a box or two of those and problem solved Forgive me for my spelling, Brit in America
calivianya 29
Man, you went to a crap hospital. Every patient with any kinds of surgery that comes our way gets put on at least two different laxatives. I've given more Colace and Dulcolax than any other drug, period.
Igor_g5 0
It's called manual removal. You or somebody that cares about you needs to dig out the blockage. Once after surgery I was on pain killers for a long time and had a large rock of poop blocking the opening and preventing me from passing anything. As gross as it may sound, I had to dig it out wi my finger till it could pass. That's what you have to do. Stick your finger in your butt and dig it out till it can come out. That's what I did. You can push all you want and it's probably not gonna come out. I had to dig at it for days before I could push it thru. Rubber gloves is a good idea.
nyxiny 22
If you're on codeine, morphine, or a similar painkiller, constipation is pretty common. You can request a stool softener, easy. Or a laxative. Call them to figure out what's best for you. But yeah, when I was hospitalized I didn't poop for like 5 days after being pumped full of morphine.
blackhawk99 1
So the first thing you do is post it on FML? A +1 for you and your man card.