Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML
Today, I'm recovering from abdominal surgery. In addition to pain, I'm having trouble peeing and haven't pooped since Sunday, so my surgeon prescribed a laxative. Turns out I'm allergic to it. Now I'm covered in hives, even in my ears, incisions, and lady parts. I also still haven't pooped. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I'm on opioids due to severe pelvic pain. Taking them makes me constipated and increases my pain, which leads to taking more painkillers. I can choose to be in agony and the possibility of pooping, or be in slightly less pain and completely bunged up. FML
Today, my colon got perforated during a routine colonoscopy. Apparently, it's a rare complication and I have no legal recourse. So now I'll need to use a colostomy bag for the next 6 months until I can get surgery to fix their mistake. FML
Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I stopped taking prescription narcotics for pain, which make you constipated. I also enjoyed a few beers. Because of this collaboration, I had a very painful first turd followed by a flow of burning liquid. I cried. FML
Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
+1 for describing it as "small child wrapped in barbed wire". I think that really adds to the imagery
kiran_fml 5
Maybe you should ask for an alternate medicine if they offer it.
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Comments (183)
sublimejess 0
Geez...quit your whining and take some colace already.
THE_A_TEEN 28
^Someone needs to quit commenting.
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
"I'm currently sat on the toilet"? Nice job to the people who moderated this.
freeze101mam 5
(gasp) your having a baby!! Lol sorry OP I be if hurts
j_cat187 20
No he bleed out and died on the toilet.
MissHayleyJames 7
So stop pushing and try again later? You don't have to force it out right now.
naztyskidded 0
Goosebumps!!
Snafuusmc 12
I guess your *shades* Shit out of luck! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAGHHHGG!!! No?
titzenpitzer 9
Yes. Definitely yes.
cherryllollo 7
take some laxatives
letsgooo_fml 23
Laxatives?
sqeakyclean 7
Yeah, you know, medicine that makes you poop. Laxatives.
ninjaguy56 9
imagine how the baby must feel...