Miscellaneous: Today, I'm a 25-year-old married woman and I'm currently living... - FML

By grounded. - 02/03/2010 06:46 - United States

Today, I'm a 25-year-old married woman and I'm currently living with my grandfather to take care of him. Today, he grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 015

You deserved it 4 039

Vulture

Teenagers

Little shit

By Zitty - 12/07/2009 18:18 - United States

Today, I went on a movie date. During the movie, I picked a small zit on my forehead. Afterwards, at dinner, he couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of my face. I thought he was staring lovingly at me. He was actually staring at a large throbbing zit with a trail of blood coming from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 548

You deserved it 65 126

By faglypoog - 23/12/2016 02:31

Today, my $200 drone malfunctioned and wouldn't stop. For fifteen minutes I followed it on my bike until it finally disappeared. On the way back I was pulled over for not wearing a helmet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 976

You deserved it 1 790

By Canali18 - 17/09/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 307

You deserved it 1 098

By spriggs - 25/07/2010 09:06 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 821

You deserved it 127 461

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 13:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 946

You deserved it 140 117

By sayno2mermaids - 04/08/2016 02:08 - United States - Denver

Today, I set my beer on the windowsill while I made space for it on the table. Suddenly, the wind knocked the window open. Into my beer. Into a box of expensive electronics. It was the last beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 236

You deserved it 3 197

The Birmingham School of Business School

By overundereducated - 13/03/2020 18:00

Today, I found out that my stick figure drawing passed as homework during my doctoral level seminar. I'm paying over two thousand dollars for this course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 215

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 800

You deserved it 313

By ChelseaRae - 06/07/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I was flipping through a magazine and saw an ad that had the line "No corn, no wheat, no soy", all of which I'm severely allergic to. I got so excited at the prospect of having a food I could eat, I fell out of my chair. I then realized it was an ad for dog food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 437

You deserved it 5 525

By FlorenceD - 12/08/2012 04:34 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 419

You deserved it 10 810

By bookworm94 - 27/07/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, my immature dad said I am a girl not a woman, so my witty response was ''I have a period, I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 507

You deserved it 16 638

By grossedout - 01/11/2014 00:39

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 981

You deserved it 3 706

Uncomfortable

By bad timing - 03/09/2019 15:01 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, at work, my manager accidentally bumped into me, brushing my behind with the back of his hand. He was a bit embarrassed, so I jokingly said, “You could at least buy me dinner first!” He went to HR and told them I made him uncomfortable. I was just trying to lighten the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 833

You deserved it 322

By JZ - 30/10/2009 13:34 - New Zealand

Today, I submitted my 5000 word assignment. When I got home, my mother asked if I'd checked it through one more time like she always warned me to do. I hadn't. And I therefore hadn't noticed the paragraph on p11 that she'd written, telling me to pay attention to the small details. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 862

You deserved it 13 142

By why they bomb - 09/03/2015 06:01 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, feeling in need of a self-esteem boost, I took what I thought was a good selfie and I put it on Facebook. Out of 500 friends, the only response I got was a picture of Saddam Hussein with the caption, "This is why I bomb people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 866

You deserved it 7 794

By julichlove - 28/12/2014 00:52 - United States - Louisville

Today, I didn't feel like going to work, so I called in sick. Five hours later while out shopping, I got hit by a car at a crosswalk. Now I'm laid-up in the local hospital, really wishing I was with the guys at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 780

You deserved it 40 273

Animated movies

By Penny - 18/01/2020 20:00

Today, at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went, "Zoo, zoo... filia?" Silence. It wasn't until I got home an hour later that I realized what I said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 436

By Samyett - 09/02/2011 19:22 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 174

You deserved it 14 933

By minissaussette - 08/04/2016 23:39 - France - Cergy

Today, my 4-year-old brother has a very strict 8:30 PM bedtime. Since I would have to walk past his door to get to the rest of the house, I'm not allowed to leave my room past that time, lest I tempt him to get up too. I can't even go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 495

You deserved it 1 652

By LadyLou - 03/11/2015 11:42 - Australia

Today, at work, a customer told me that my teeth would make a very pretty necklace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 248

You deserved it 1 961

Spinning out and miserable

By picklemonger - 08/03/2020 16:00 - Canada

Today, for the first time ever, I had a bout of vertigo in the middle of a mall. It went so very nicely with my crushing loneliness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 275

You deserved it 123

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I went and bought my wife a new cell phone for a Christmas present. She called me five minutes later saying she got a notification e-mail thanking her for her purchase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 822

You deserved it 11 560

By lopsided - 14/12/2014 07:56 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was informed that my uneven facial features make me seem "untrustworthy." Glad to know my unchangeable physical appearance doubles as a character flaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 470

You deserved it 2 694

By crazydog - 10/06/2011 20:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog surprised everyone by somehow managing to climb on the roof. I followed him up and spent the next hour trying to catch him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 601

You deserved it 4 173

By poor_college_kid - 15/09/2016 12:39 - United States - Tucson

Today, I found out that I owe my college a little over $10,000. Why? Because, due to a slight misspelling of my name, the scholarship that I have been going insane trying to meet the requirements for is not actually giving me any funding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 594

You deserved it 856

By emma_waters23 - 26/04/2013 00:11 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 759

You deserved it 5 976

By lvegadelgado_6 - 10/08/2015 14:32 - United States - Deerfield

Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 495

You deserved it 2 112

By hedayk - 15/05/2015 20:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 236

You deserved it 11 981

By Modeon123 - 20/10/2016 10:11 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right inside my mouth. My tongue got stung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 398

You deserved it 1 150

By trick or not treat - 31/10/2009 22:26 - France

Today, I bought fifteen bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters. I sat outside with a bowl of candy the whole night. Only one person came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 321

You deserved it 7 210

By Pill popping zit monster - 23/12/2016 04:16

Today, my period has given to me 4 giant zits, 3 screaming shits, 2 stomach ulcers, and a fever blister on my lips. A few days until Christmas and the gifts keep coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 150

You deserved it 641

It's a wrap

By victoria - 04/04/2021 21:30

Today, I had a school band concert in which I was doing a clarinet solo. I had a Laffy Taffy before the concert. Little did I know part of the wrapper got stuck in my hair. I went through the whole concert like that and I was so embarrassed when I found out afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 231

Deception

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my husband, who was supposed to be in PA school, dropped out 6 and a half years ago and never even received his bachelor's. He started lying to me before we were even a year into dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 08/04/2016 21:43 - United States - Sterling

Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 431

You deserved it 3 286

By YouSoSmelly - 02/08/2013 13:58 - United States - Kannapolis

Today, I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen on the beach. I was nervous, but I just smiled and said, "Hey, you're really pretty." Then I let out a horrific fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 390

You deserved it 12 021

By kyla - 24/04/2011 05:56 - United States

Today, while shopping at American Eagle, I found the same "$1,500" wedding ring my fiancé proposed to me with, marked on sale for $10.95. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 006

You deserved it 9 576

Thanks for the memories

By Bpride1 - 10/11/2021 23:00 - United States - Moses Lake

Today, I was victim to not one but two narcissists. I'd totally thought that these people were my friends, but everyone warned me that, "They’re only your friends when they need something from you.” I should’ve listened. I constantly felt like they were just using me. A "Thank you" goes a long way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 218

By Hollywoodanonymous - 31/10/2011 06:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 513

You deserved it 3 907

By Lame - 10/07/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 868

You deserved it 6 783

By meowtickmeow - 12/03/2010 01:18 - United States

Today, I had a strong feeling that someone was watching me as I was undressing to get ready for bed. I conspicuously moved to the door and threw it open to find my step-brother clearly spying on me. We are the same age, live in the same house three weeks a month and in the same English class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 575

You deserved it 2 685

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:22

haha. Ignore him. I would. I love my grandfather but if I was living with him to take care of him, there's no way I'd pay attention to him if he tried to ground me :P I'd be like "do you want me to move out? No? I didn't think so."

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:17

So whadja do?

Comments

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:17

So whadja do?

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:22

she was too loud playing her xbox

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:28

I love xbox

Jrook 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:28

did you go out and vote?

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:37

Are you allowed to be on the computer right now?

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:52

amen, right? but you do know there is an iphona app too, so u don't hafta be on the computer. ;)

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 13:33

sucs*

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 13:35

awee that sucs my grandparents r kinda strict too.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 14:28

ya what happened

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 15:14

ydi for being 25 and letting your grandparents tell u what to do

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 15:36

ydi for thinking he doesn't have authority over you

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:23

#29 judging from your pic... yea your grand parents are pretty dam strict alright.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:25

ha

PandasRtheShit 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 17:38

TODAY your a 25 year old woman? What are you other days?

JigglesMcThighs 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 17:42

left the kitchen.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 17:42

lol, forget to give him his pain meds, that will show him

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 18:30

lol that's what I was thinking. Reminds me of Stars In Your Eyes.. "Today Matthew, I'm going to be Dolly Parton!"

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 18:46

What did you do that made your grandpa ground you?

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 19:57

Judging from the pic, they need some strict parents/grandparents. No, I don't care that they're probably of age, they need their asses busted for acting like that on camera and posting on the net

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 19:59

tell him you won't change his diapers until he let's you go

paigeatsflesh 11

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 21:52

if my grandpa grounded me I would be like no?

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 21:57

lol what did you do

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 22:01

I hate FMLs like this. This problem is easy to solve. Don't listen to him. You are an adult. You are taking care of him. This is a YDI for being a doormat.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 22:11

#59 is a complete moron. No parent or grandparent has authority over an adult.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 22:21

maybe he caught her out of the kitchen...

angelkissezxox 3

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 2:20

haha that made me laugh

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 3:20

LMAO!!!

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 3:33

hey 29, nice boobs.

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 3:45

rude I hate when people do that on FML

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 4:59

then don't use that as ur prof pic. @ op: WTF kind of say does ur grandfather have? go throw a party and get wasted, that'll show im

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 7:35

becca that ain't rude when your posting everywere with a pic like that, people like me and him are going to comment on it

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 7:42

Up and leave. If he's not your legal guardian, he can't ground you.

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:12

OMG BECCA IS HOT

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 13:18

kk I guess so

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 13:20

i guess I'll change it

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Thursday 4 March 2010 8:47

wats ur grandpas number well mine is (901) 483-4955 that actully is my

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Friday 5 March 2010 2:46

nice breasts- becca_blaise

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Saturday 6 March 2010 22:29

try to b more quiet at night!

MidgetMonster 0

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Sunday 7 March 2010 7:12

if you are married, why aren't you living with your husband, and your pops not living with you? weird shit, indeed

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:21

2nd!!!

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:22

haha. Ignore him. I would. I love my grandfather but if I was living with him to take care of him, there's no way I'd pay attention to him if he tried to ground me :P I'd be like "do you want me to move out? No? I didn't think so."

OmgGuessWhatChic 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 15:05

No vaginas allowed

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 15:58

haha

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:25

Did you go to your room and pout?

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:39

haha

epicfailburger 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 15:03

someone musta been a naughty girl.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:27

does he also spank you?

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:29

That's just gross...

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:33

gross, perhaps, but funny nonetheless

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 14:48

ahahahahaha that's a little gross

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 17:28

lmaoooo

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:33

Well thats what you get for disrespecting your elders. Just be grateful he didn't bend you over his knee and give you a spanking. :-P

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:40

D'eww... That's funny, but really gross. OP What did you do to get grounded, anyways?

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 1:01

old people should all live in their crappy gated communities apart from the rest of the world

ringmybell_fml 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:37

XD

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:41

You are 25. It's time for you to quit being a brat. This wouldn't happen if you would just grow up already.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 15:32

OP gave a reason why he grounded her.....

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:04

Oh, wow, hey, that's great. Thanks for pointing that out.

TheMasterWarlock 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 23:19

Attention: Do Not Feed The Trolls.

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 3:23

LMAO

paperisuseful 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:42

and you're gonna listen to him?

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:47

Extremely rebellious to disobey someone you're taking care of.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:33

omg cloudenvy! love your pic!

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 18:20

Cheers.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:47

hahaha that's... just so sad

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 15:50

I mean this is the dumbest fml I've read yet... like WTF really! ...WOW....NEXT!

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 682

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 805