Kids: Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned...

By thedancingtit - 07/06/2016 05:11 - United States - Eagle River

Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 051

You deserved it 2 345

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Same thing different taste

By Amithatevil - 29/08/2014 12:35 - Japan - Kawasaki

Today, my brother told my 3 year-old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 758

You deserved it 4 200

Damien

By Anonymous - 14/06/2022 10:00

Today, as an agency babysitter, I was sent to babysit “Satan’s evil twin.” This kid is so bad, the dad pays additional fees to the agency for every time he damages the sitter's personal items, or if they require a hospital visit. His advice was, "Don’t be afraid to hit him back or he will take your eyes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 119

By Anonymous - 29/03/2013 01:13 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 194

You deserved it 18 840

Weird kid

By maria lucia - 05/04/2021 21:30

Today, my ten-year-old daughter now has a habit of going up to random strangers and acting all scared before pointing behind them and whispering, "El Diablo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 184

You ******* idiot

By Handuh15 - 31/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 3 236

By bigbro - 06/09/2016 08:05 - Australia - Southbank

Today, I was babysitting my 6-year-old brother and was playing Mario. When I won, he called me a cunt. I was in shock and asked him where he learnt the word. He said from me when I was driving. He then told my mum that I taught him a new word. Easy to say, I'm in big trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 363

You deserved it 4 974

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 734

You deserved it 4 170

By Ban Hammered - 25/05/2016 10:35 - United States - New York

Today, I babysat my neighbor's twin 4-year-old girls again. When I took them out for lunch, they apparently had been addressing themselves as "my bitches", taught to them by their devil spawn 13-year-old brother. Everyone, including Chuck E. Cheese himself, was not pleased. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 413

You deserved it 867

Don't worry!

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 905

You deserved it 527

The Omen

By Anonymous - 30/05/2012 01:55 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 935

You deserved it 2 004

v4valour 15

Tuesday 7 June 2016 17:40

All you have to do is replace "Satan" with "Hydra" and Boom! A new Captain America is born

Welshite 39

Tuesday 7 June 2016 17:47

Aww she makes such a cute little demon. Keep an eye out for goat heads and pentagrams.

Comments

screamogirl123 18

Tuesday 7 June 2016 19:48

and this is an fml because? sounds like something I would teach a kid.

countryb_cth 38

Tuesday 7 June 2016 19:54

Be glad the second word was Satan and not Hitler.

picklemonger 13

Tuesday 7 June 2016 19:57

Ok, I think we can all agree that "Satan" is not the worst thing that can follow "Hail". Let's all be thankful for that!

RinoaHeartilly 36

Tuesday 7 June 2016 20:02

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Your brother sounds awesome.

NoThanks999 19

Tuesday 7 June 2016 20:11

At least it wasn't "Hitler".

Negan 2

Tuesday 7 June 2016 20:26

"Hail Satan" is so late 70s to early 80s. Who is your brother. Rod Halford?

blackrose1996 11

Tuesday 7 June 2016 20:50

Lmfao you deserved this one

Arkham_Callabero 15

Wednesday 8 June 2016 7:06

As if she would've known that her boyfriend was going to introduce her child to that phrase

nanner6206 24

Wednesday 8 June 2016 22:56

or BROTHER

TheEpicWario 26

Friday 24 June 2016 16:36

Why though?

StarkWolf_fml 23

Tuesday 7 June 2016 20:51

Cut off one head, two more shall take its place!

bad_boyfriend 10

Tuesday 7 June 2016 20:56

Uncles gotta uncle

Pointy 12

Tuesday 7 June 2016 21:29

I like your brother

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The Top

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 953

You deserved it 28 266

Today, my wife told me that when she was actually pregnant with her ex's child; she was insatiably horny and always wanted sex. Too bad for me, because the current pregnancy has made her repulsed by any sexual contact. Thanks for telling me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 220

The Top

Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 311

You deserved it 32 612

Today, my boss got mad at me for not wearing the gloves I'm provided at work. They're way too small, not to mention the fact that I have a disability which makes it even harder to put them on. What do you expect me to do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 166

Today, my professor called me out for drinking whiskey in class. I was actually drinking iced tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 321

You deserved it 944

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and was knocking on the door asking "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answers, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 237

You deserved it 16 647

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You deserved it 378

Today, my family keeps pestering me about whether I've contacted my father yet. My father, the one who treated me and my family like crap throughout my upbringing and cheated on my mom a few years ago. I don't know why they think I'd ever want to see him again. FML

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You deserved it 71