Kids: Don't worry!

Don't worry!

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 953

You deserved it 547

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Same thing different taste

By Anonwymous - 18/10/2009 10:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 971

You deserved it 5 530

By douglas - 17/07/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it "Horny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 194

You deserved it 8 259

By crzyry - 23/02/2012 03:49 - Canada

Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 663

You deserved it 3 134

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 744

You deserved it 7 595

Dream baby dream

By CJ. - 05/05/2021 14:01 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I had to babysit a 9 year-old girl. I hadn't slept for almost 40 hours and fell half-asleep while sitting on her couch for two minutes. She asked me something, but I thought it was a dream and answered with, "Your mom's a hoe." When I woke up, I realized I'd said it out loud instead of in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 1 372

By Anonymous - 27/10/2013 16:33 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I enjoyed a romantic evening at home with my husband while a babysitter took care of my 5-year-old daughter. After she came home, she told me the sitter let her use her "weird swing." I wasn't too worried, until she said it was indoors, and I realized she was describing a sex swing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 797

You deserved it 4 464

By thedancingtit - 07/06/2016 05:11 - United States - Eagle River

Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 069

You deserved it 2 347

By Nick - 20/07/2013 19:37 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was babysitting a little boy for the first time. He kept using all sorts of profanity toward me the whole evening, so I told his mom when she picked him up. She just grunted and muttered, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 239

You deserved it 5 120

Surprise visitor

By walker - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, we've been dating for over three months, but I went over my girlfriend's house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 151

You deserved it 4 994

Nostradamus

By Clueless - 14/05/2011 23:35 - United States

Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago, my 4 year-old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 611

You deserved it 4 440

mfranks19891989 10

Wednesday 22 January 2020 11:33

Just explain the auto correct she will understand. Not sure what your relationship was before you date. But isn’t 4 months a little soon to be letting someone your dating into your child(s) life

distortedcognition 17

Wednesday 22 January 2020 1:21

Is her pet name for you now “my little pedo bear”?

Comments

distortedcognition 17

Wednesday 22 January 2020 1:21

Is her pet name for you now “my little pedo bear”?

whyme203 15

Wednesday 22 January 2020 1:29

I mean better word or phrasing could have prevented this. Study a thesaurus

MidnaLink 33

Wednesday 22 January 2020 5:46

Better word? Ornery is a good word, it just wasn’t used enough for auto correct. But at least now there’s a good reason to turn it off.

Richard Luna 1

Wednesday 22 January 2020 5:03

Ok so it was a mistake tell her to chill

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 22 January 2020 6:30

Luckily you didn't say you were busy "ducking her sass." Autocorrect would send you to prison!!!

mfranks19891989 10

Wednesday 22 January 2020 11:33

Just explain the auto correct she will understand. Not sure what your relationship was before you date. But isn’t 4 months a little soon to be letting someone your dating into your child(s) life

timinator5000 28

Wednesday 22 January 2020 23:03

No kidding!!! No way in hell would I let someone I'm dating watch my kid.

julfunky 29

Friday 24 January 2020 14:16

That’s a bit judgmental. Everyone has different speeds. There is no “right” amount of time you need to know someone. And just because she’s been his girlfriend for 4 months that doesn’t mean she’s only known him for 4 months.