Kids: Don't worry! - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 52

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 27

Don't worry!

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 836

You deserved it 505

Sorry…

Best teeth in the game

The virus claims another victim

22/08/2011 00:17

Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 884

You deserved it 69 223

12/04/2013 20:17

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend's parents were out of town, so I stayed the night, hoping for some fun. Somehow, we started talking about conspiracy theories, and she spent the next half hour ranting at me about how Osama bin Laden is really still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 283

You deserved it 15 458

Stay away from us!

By KingSnow03 - 31/03/2020 20:00

Today, because I have a coughed a total of 2 times in a row, I'm now banned from seeing any of my family until I get tested for coronavirus. The earliest available appointment is May 3rd. Looks like quarantine is going to be a lot worse than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 185

12/04/2009 06:50

Today, I was sitting using my laptop, I was also eating a bag of starbursts. They bag slid off the bed, I went to catch them and in the process my knee hit my laptop which flew off the bed onto the wooden floor, and shattered. I broke my $2,500 laptop to save 11 starbursts from falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 123

You deserved it 56 831

12/11/2009 07:17

Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 914

You deserved it 4 516

05/05/2012 10:06

Today, my turtle, who had a little portion of the garden all to herself, died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to "be like Mario" by jumping on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 310

You deserved it 2 812

24/02/2016 13:13

Today, I went to my required district science fair with my project about gliders and was a bit unprepared in terms of personal knowledge on the science behind gliders. I was hoping I would get a judge who didn't know a lot about aerodynamics. One of my judges was a glider pilot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 674

You deserved it 22 821

17/03/2009 20:51

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 055

You deserved it 75 704

He prefers the dog

By Anonymous - 19/11/2019 14:00

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 337

16/08/2012 04:05

Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 772

You deserved it 1 866

18/03/2011 16:14

Today, I was worried about passing an exam, so I hid a note under my skirt. When the guy next to me was finished, I had to get up so he could leave. With no time to hide the note, I stood in front of the entire class, hand over my crotch, looking as if I had to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 647

You deserved it 71 529

25/01/2013 00:28

Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 490

You deserved it 3 030

05/09/2009 21:24

Today, I came back from my 3 month vacation from France. During my vacation I lost 32lbs and I was so excited to show off my new body to my boyfriend. When he walked in the door he didn't notice me, but he did notice my younger, thinner and tanner sister strutting around in her bikini. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 298

You deserved it 4 829

08/06/2011 13:03

Today, my mom had an appointment with my teacher after class. She never showed. My teacher ended up driving me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 868

You deserved it 3 488

22/07/2017 20:03

Today, I learned the venue owner and producer for the musical I'm in is under criminal investigation. What for? Three separate sexual assault incidents and putting cameras in our dressing rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 512

You deserved it 296

14/08/2009 14:09

Spicy

Today, I was helping my brother clean his room. While putting clothes away, I found a box of thongs. They were mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 152

You deserved it 3 909

03/01/2010 07:41

Spicy

Today, I changed my 2009 new year's resolution to lose my virginity to my 2010 new year's resolution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 132

You deserved it 5 902

Nope.

By Just Set Me On Fire - 13/09/2017 23:15

Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 007

You deserved it 205

12/04/2018 19:00

Today, while covering lunch for the self-checkout host, I noticed a customer walking away. I smiled and said "Have a nice night!" A few minutes later, I saw that she'd left without paying on her machine. I'd smiled and waved at a lady as she stole from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 650

You deserved it 762

14/11/2012 00:43

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 660

You deserved it 35 442

31/01/2013 09:07

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 460

You deserved it 5 263

29/11/2009 02:14

Today, while at a hotel for vacation with my brother and his wife, I was watching their two-month old daughter in the waterpark when a woman came up to me and said, "Aww your kid is so adorable! Don't worry, you'll get your figure back in no time." I'm a fourteen year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 580

You deserved it 5 282

11/10/2010 09:07

Today, I scratched a lottery ticket I had gotten for my birthday and won $10,000. In celebration, I jumped up and raised my hands directly into a ceiling fan. Oh, and it was a fake ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 288

You deserved it 6 060

29/05/2010 13:16

Today, someone switched my hairspray with bug spray when I didn't notice. I used it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 929

You deserved it 6 522

14/05/2010 05:01

Today, I realized that my baby stops crying loudly whenever I turn on the vacuum cleaner. I'm either stuck with a fussy baby all day, or the roaring sound of a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 523

You deserved it 5 210

21/02/2017 09:00

Today, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, had a wonderful cup of coffee, and found my son throwing up rubbing alcohol in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 679

You deserved it 718

29/07/2015 18:40

Today, I got fired from my new job on my first day. Why? Because I'm 19 and company policy says you have to be 21. But they can't ask how old you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 030

You deserved it 2 428

Money first

By Anonymus - 31/01/2020 20:00

Today, my "boyfriend" told me that he loves money more than me and would date it if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 818

You deserved it 306

20/01/2019 16:00

Today, I went into a gynecology appointment to find out my IUD had apparently fallen out without me knowing. What tipped me off? My pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 697

You deserved it 293

15/04/2009 01:16

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 795

You deserved it 11 146

10/01/2010 18:13

Today, while playing spin the bottle, my two spins landed on two really pretty girls. The first girl I missed and kissed her chin. The second girl I headbutted and gave a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 049

You deserved it 44 322

25/01/2010 18:17

Today, I discovered that if you slip on ice, imitating Mario from Super Mario Bros when he attempts to stop himself slipping, won't work in real life. I now have a broken nose, as well as a blood trail running from my driveway into my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 500

You deserved it 32 334

Without me

By CrescentSelene - 23/12/2019 20:00

Today, I saw my mom's Facebook profile picture for the first time. It had all of my family members in it. I was cropped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 220

You deserved it 230

31/08/2009 07:37

Today, I got to go back into my house after it had been tented. Suddenly, a foul stench filled my house. My husband checked all around the house and finally checked under the house. There were more than 12 dead stray cats under our house, and guess who was in charge of pulling them out? FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 130

You deserved it 3 745

31/08/2012 05:23

Today, I was working the cash register. While helping a customer with her groceries, my bra snapped. I then had to ask my male boss if I could staple it back together. Thirty minutes later it snapped again. I then had to explain to my boss that I was too broke to buy a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 140

You deserved it 2 477

16/12/2016 21:14

Today, I received the good news that my spine looks normal. Either the degenerative disc that was diagnosed 5 years prior magically healed, or my current doctor is an idiot. Considering that it's felt like someone is chiseling into my spine for some days, I'm leaning toward the latter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 380

You deserved it 571

20/12/2010 11:23

Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 022

You deserved it 3 247

26/09/2015 20:44

Spicy

Today, my 18 year old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 864

You deserved it 6 227

23/01/2014 17:13

Today, I had to accept the fact that I'm going bald, after I noticed the hair on my chest is longer than the hair on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 443

You deserved it 3 921

11/09/2011 15:13

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 188

You deserved it 7 900

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Top comments

mfranks19891989 10

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Wednesday 22 January 2020 11:33

Just explain the auto correct she will understand. Not sure what your relationship was before you date. But isn’t 4 months a little soon to be letting someone your dating into your child(s) life

distortedcognition 17

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Wednesday 22 January 2020 1:21

Is her pet name for you now “my little pedo bear”?

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distortedcognition 17

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Wednesday 22 January 2020 1:21

Is her pet name for you now “my little pedo bear”?

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Wednesday 22 January 2020 1:29

I mean better word or phrasing could have prevented this. Study a thesaurus

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Wednesday 22 January 2020 5:46

Better word? Ornery is a good word, it just wasn’t used enough for auto correct. But at least now there’s a good reason to turn it off.

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Wednesday 22 January 2020 5:03

Ok so it was a mistake tell her to chill

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 22 January 2020 6:30

Luckily you didn't say you were busy "ducking her sass." Autocorrect would send you to prison!!!

mfranks19891989 10

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Wednesday 22 January 2020 11:33

Just explain the auto correct she will understand. Not sure what your relationship was before you date. But isn’t 4 months a little soon to be letting someone your dating into your child(s) life

timinator5000 28

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Wednesday 22 January 2020 23:03

No kidding!!! No way in hell would I let someone I'm dating watch my kid.

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Friday 24 January 2020 14:16

That’s a bit judgmental. Everyone has different speeds. There is no “right” amount of time you need to know someone. And just because she’s been his girlfriend for 4 months that doesn’t mean she’s only known him for 4 months.

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Wednesday 22 January 2020 18:33

Are you from Manchester?

Paul Rushing 21

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Thursday 23 January 2020 9:03

While those two words sound similar your phone wouldn’t autocorrect that...fake FML?!?

Taurus_ChicKa 36

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Friday 24 January 2020 6:47

Oh right, like she's never made a typo in a text or been the victim of auto correct. She needs to lighten up and laugh at the accident.

WistayShlaio82 13

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Friday 24 January 2020 12:36

Hate it phones do that. I think autocorrect should be a manual request thing.