Today, I tried to play with my Wii using the TV remote. FML - FML

By Rush Snake - 5/1/2009 03:57 - France

Today, I tried to play with my Wii using the TV remote. FML

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Night terrors

Higher standards

Mind your own beeswax

By k - 16/2/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over. After I finished pouring my heart out to him about how much I missed him, and how much I loved him, he looks at me and asks "So are we gonna do it, or what?" FML

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By killmenow - 19/2/2009 21:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2019 12:00

Duchamp would be proud

Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML

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By Drew - 1/6/2019 18:00

Today, I was sitting at home when the police knocked on my door. They came inside, sat me down and told me that both my parents died in a car crash tonight. I started to cry, but about 10 minutes later, I find out they had the wrong person. I feel bad for the other guy. FML

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By cdaniel2 - 12/2/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dad's words of wisdom were, "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/2/2016 22:56 - United States - San Bruno

Today, I hung out with some old friends for the first time since losing about 50 pounds, going from clinically obese to a healthy weight. I even bought a cute new dress for the occasion to show off my new body. No one noticed the change. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2013 23:16 - Switzerland - Saint Gallen

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

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By HellaBomber91 - 20/11/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

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By sparkyjaf - 14/5/2015 12:41 - Australia - West Pymble

Today, all of my roommates handed in their vacating notice unexpectedly. They are all moving to a new house together in two weeks, leaving me to be either homeless or forced to pay 4 times what I was paying in rent. FML

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By oktober2nd - 13/10/2018 06:30 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I woke up for the first time In 5 days with relief from a debilitating migraine, only to have my arm and shoulder completely numb and a sharp pain running from my neck to my elbow. I have a pinched nerve and dislocated disk in my neck. FML

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By whykarma - 26/3/2013 21:17 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my German Shepherd decided to bark at, then attack, a painted rock. At least I know I'm protected from inanimate objects. FML

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By Username - 20/7/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by tossing the ring at me and saying "Here, wear this." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 19:27 - United States - Clearwater

Today, I found out my coworker was arrested for beating the crap out of his wife. I gave him a serious pep talk yesterday where I told him to stop taking her shit and start standing up for himself. FML

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By noweddingforyou - 29/9/2013 19:21 - Canada - Guelph

Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

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By the other man - 28/8/2013 03:11 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

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By LaurenLehmmman - 27/12/2010 22:22 - United States

Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2012 14:20 - United Kingdom - Bishops Stortford

Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a girl called me asking for one of her friends. She wouldn't believe me when I told her she had the wrong number, and I spent a few minutes convincing her she did. After a while she said "what the fuck" and hung up. That was the longest conversation I had with a girl in months. FML

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By Recovering Alcoholic - 17/12/2014 22:41 - United Kingdom - Kettering

Today, half of my motivation to stop drinking is so that my tolerance will go down, because I currently can't actually afford enough alcohol to get even tipsy anymore. FML

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By calliefml - 26/4/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 05:08

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a make-shift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

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By bellerz14 - 23/12/2011 02:58 - United States

Today, I saw my dad sitting in the car alone, blaring classical music, blowing up beach balls. FML

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By deargodwhy - 4/9/2020 10:03

Throwing shade

Today, my 12-year-old daughter was suspended from school for doing a book report on 50 Shades of Grey. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2016 01:13

Today, I did a California stop during a drive with my Driver's Ed teacher. He made me get out, hug the stop sign and apologize to it. FML

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By dlova - 27/1/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML

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By Wtf is wrong with her - 30/12/2013 05:20 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to watch my drunk girlfriend yell at a cat for not having periods. The worst part is that she was at a pet store. The pet store at which I work. FML

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By LordCrafte - 15/5/2013 23:43 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after finding out that I would never be able to move my dominant arm again, I decided to talk to my best friend about it because it was getting to me. She responded with, "It really bugs me that you made this conversation all about you." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2010 02:49 - United States

Today, I was at my work. To urge people to be generous, I paid my friends to put 15 bucks in the tip jar while saying how great I was. He did this about ten times throughout the day. Turns out, us employees don't get to keep the tips. FML

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By hate - 6/7/2017 11:58

Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML

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By thedri11 - 31/5/2012 01:52 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I was so broke I went to Costco, not to buy anything, but to eat their free food samples. FML

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By "sadh3" - 13/10/2017 04:30

Today, my pregnant girlfriend asked me if she should take a pregnancy test to make sure the baby is really hers. FML

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By cereal mom - 7/7/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that my ex let my son eat nothing but cereal and milk for every single meal during his five-day visit. Now my son shrieks, cries, and has a meltdown if I try to make him eat real food. My ex merely replied, "Your problem now." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2020 14:00

Mr Whiskers

Today, one of my friends was playing with a laser pointer. When he pointed it in my direction, I swatted at it away like it was a bug. Apparently, I'm part cat. FML

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By club goer - 20/2/2013 19:48 - Canada

Today, I uploaded a new Facebook profile photo, which got over 20 likes in the space of an hour. The most I've ever gotten before was 10. Surprised, I went to check my picture again, only to notice two guys were sarcastically flipping me the bird in the background. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 18:00

Where is it?

Today, as I was reviewing my EMS textbook, I decided I would practice taking my own pulse. I started with finding my femoral artery with no success. My mom walked in on me while I had my hand almost up my crotch, muttering to myself, "Why don't I have one?" FML

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By Ballhugger - 6/12/2009 20:42 - Canada

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

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By farhia97 - 8/11/2011 02:14 - United States

Today, I learned how much it hurts to put a mint up your nose. FML

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By Ihatepants - 1/9/2016 01:37 - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I had a full day of work, a social event, and a doctor's appointment. My son looked at me when I got home and said, "Are your pants on backwards?" Yes, yes they were. All day. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of the sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

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By Kilamo - 14/5/2018 20:30

Today, I told my mom I had 73 cents in my checking account. She gave me a penny and told me I had 74 cents and it was even now. Thanks mom. FML

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Top comments

By Sindy_fml | 4

#1275274 - Friday 20 August 2010 14:08

wow, your life must be boring.

By WowLifeDoesSuck | 0

#46076 - Friday 20 March 2009 23:20

....
How did this pass?

COMMENTS

By ufail | 0

#19617 - Saturday 7 March 2009 11:51

ufail

By WowLifeDoesSuck | 0

#46076 - Friday 20 March 2009 23:20

....
How did this pass?

Reply

ccftw | 0

#983507 - Thursday 22 April 2010 5:56

exactly

Reply

znea115bf | 0

#1233030 - Friday 13 August 2010 5:40

my fml that didn't go through was better than this!!!

Reply

kaprookie | 3

#1526154 - Sunday 10 October 2010 7:35

I've read an FML about a girls mum that died on the way to her birthday party and this shit goes through what the fuck is wrong with this site now?

Reply

morganhchs | 5

#2226423 - Wednesday 23 March 2011 1:31

I know right. I have posted way better fmls that didn't past. I had golden fmls that didn't pass but this got through. idk how this could happen. fml.

By diskincluded | 0

#47098 - Saturday 21 March 2009 7:54

I think the sad part is he didn't modify the remote to actually do it :P

By THEGUY_fml | 0

#68490 - Monday 30 March 2009 0:58

FAVORITED

By knitbitch | 0

#84304 - Sunday 5 April 2009 16:53

#3 stole the words right out of my mouth.

By xania_fml | 0

#85106 - Sunday 5 April 2009 23:00

ha?

By meggbabee27x | 0

#94700 - Thursday 9 April 2009 2:17

FAILLLLLLLLLLLLL

By shay_wat | 0

#190076 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 2:11

ive done that!! over my friends house lolol she was on the floor crackin up i was like wwhhaatt....? ohh...FML haaha

By drlinap | 0

#261588 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 20:56

Happens to the best of us

By S600 | 0

#262027 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 22:40

This is funny