Geek: Today, I tried to play with my Wii using the TV remote. FML - FML

By Rush Snake - France

Today, I tried to play with my Wii using the TV remote. FML

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Proactive

Fairytale ending

Weird kid

By Jenny - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML

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By sad - United States

Today, I saw boobs, in person, for the first time. Too bad they were my mom's and I'm 27. FML

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By Anonymous

He's probably right

Today, I found out that my boyfriend thinks brushing his teeth is unnecessary, because, "the world is going to end because of climate change anyway." FML

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By Neverthebride - United States

Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML

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By ADT - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

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By Lost5dollars - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to a bunch of missed calls from a number I didn't know. I had called an Uber in my sleep. They charged a cancellation fee. FML

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By hellostupid - United States

Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML

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By Christmas sucks - United States - Boston

Today, I was wrapping presents for my daughter, trying to be really quiet. Behind me, the cat decided to climb the tree, which then fell on top of me and I couldn't move. My daughter had to help me up. She now knows everything she's getting for Christmas this year. FML

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By BK2017 - United States - Orlando

Today, after an extremely stressful day, I took a hot bath when I got home. I used my little sister's bubble bath to make it more enjoyable and relaxing. I then broke out in hives. I guess I'm allergic to bubble bath. FML

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By NotAThief

Swiper No Swiping!

Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML

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By nothingtoseeherejuststealingtrees - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my neighbor. When she saw me cutting down trees on my lot, she interrogated me and called the police because she didn't believe I owned the property. She didn't call the cops when she watched someone steal a cord of wood from my property two days ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Arlington

Today, I returned home from an extended vacation only to find out my cousin wasn't kidding when he said he was going to steal my boyfriend. I thought I was dating a straight guy. FML

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By Stiffed - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, my old boss stiffed me on a large sum of money he owes me. I tried to contact him and point out that he legally owes me the money, but he won't answer his texts or his phone, and the managers say he changes the subject whenever they bring it up. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 10:57 - United States - Pittsburgh

Roommate from hell

Today, after I had the place to myself for a while and it was easy to clean, my roommate returned and I woke up to trash piling up, dishes everywhere, and luggage full of sweaty laundry. Oh, and it smells like poo again, because he doesn't regularly shower. I want to scream. FML

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By single and not mingling - Canada

Today, my coworker told me she knew about my secret boyfriend because she has a "sixth sense" about these things. I'm too embarrassed to tell her I'm desperately single and the last date I went on was three years ago. FML

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By nurse4life - United States - Moultrie

420 BLAZE IT BRO!!!

Today, a patient at the hospital where I work asked me if he and his son could light up a joint. He was on oxygen, and serious. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

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By uglyswimmer - United States

Denied

Today, I was talking to a swimmer I just met. I saw a cute guy and whispered to her, "That guy is hot." She asked "Who?" I pointed at him. She turned to see him, then turned back to me and said "Ew, that's my brother." She went to him, whispered something. He turned around to see me and said, "EW." FML

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By omfgwhywhywhy - United States

Deliverude

Today, I had to take a delivery to a known hoarder. I was braced for the sight of the house, but not the naked fat guy and the smell of dead cat when he answered the door. To top it off, they didn't even tip me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Watchung

Today, my wife was giving me a blowjob when I foolishly asked her how she got so good at giving them. She looked straight into my eyes and replied, "Practising on about six guys before you." FML

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By laywer_man - United States

Today, I couldn't answer almost any of the questions in the game "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" I'm a 40 year old man. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML

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By Anon. - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML

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By ihatemylife - United States

Today, I had to remind my roommates of the importance of wearing clothing at all times in the common living area. My roommates are my parents. FML

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By Diblo - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Diblo's story

Today, I was in a middle school for work experience. One of the teachers was reading the class I was in a story about a man called Diblo. Innocent enough, right? Nope. He repeatedly misread it as Dildo for the entire passage. The kids laughed. FML

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By abbacjt - United States

Today, I sent my sister a text about how fat I was becoming and looking as disgusting as my ex husband. When I checked to see if she had received it I saw that I had accidentally sent it to my ex father in law. FML

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By BigPurplePresent - South Africa

Today, I was really upset after work, and tearily asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood". FML

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By - United States - Los Angeles

Today, after a year and half of being single, I was asked out on a date. I was asked by a married man. FML

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By stickyface - Canada

Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he was about to cum I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door just as he came. Didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML

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By ItalianBabyDoll

Alexa, play "That's Not My Name" by The Ting Tings

Today, during my boyfriends birthday dinner, his father shouted, “Jessica, can you slice me a piece too?” My name isn’t Jessica and I’ve been in their family for over two years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

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By oops1234 - United States

Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML

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By RikkiTikkiTavi

The unexpected

Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML

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By sadnj

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with my attractive and seemingly charming neighbor. Yesterday, his house was raided and he was arrested for running a heroin ring. FML

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By Meghan Elise

Today, my boyfriend and I dyed our hair. His hair came out good. My hair, on the other hand, came out splotchy, and instead of dark blue, it came out green. FML

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By lolo - Israel - Ofaqim

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

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By ZittyMii - United States

Today, a friend of mine had a Wii party and made everyone into Miis. My Mii had freckles. I don't have freckles. When I commented on it, she said, "Well, there isn't a zit feature." FML

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By textfail - United States

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my cat vomited violently. I can smell it but I can't find it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML

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Top comments

By Sindy_fml | 4

#1275274 - Friday 20 August 2010 14:08

wow, your life must be boring.

By WowLifeDoesSuck | 0

#46076 - Friday 20 March 2009 23:20

....
How did this pass?

COMMENTS

By ufail | 0

#19617 - Saturday 7 March 2009 11:51

ufail

By WowLifeDoesSuck | 0

#46076 - Friday 20 March 2009 23:20

....
How did this pass?

Reply

ccftw | 0

#983507 - Thursday 22 April 2010 5:56

exactly

Reply

znea115bf | 0

#1233030 - Friday 13 August 2010 5:40

my fml that didn't go through was better than this!!!

Reply

kaprookie | 3

#1526154 - Sunday 10 October 2010 7:35

I've read an FML about a girls mum that died on the way to her birthday party and this shit goes through what the fuck is wrong with this site now?

Reply

morganhchs | 5

#2226423 - Wednesday 23 March 2011 1:31

I know right. I have posted way better fmls that didn't past. I had golden fmls that didn't pass but this got through. idk how this could happen. fml.

By diskincluded | 0

#47098 - Saturday 21 March 2009 7:54

I think the sad part is he didn't modify the remote to actually do it :P

By THEGUY_fml | 0

#68490 - Monday 30 March 2009 0:58

FAVORITED

By knitbitch | 0

#84304 - Sunday 5 April 2009 16:53

#3 stole the words right out of my mouth.

By xania_fml | 0

#85106 - Sunday 5 April 2009 23:00

ha?

By meggbabee27x | 0

#94700 - Thursday 9 April 2009 2:17

FAILLLLLLLLLLLLL

By shay_wat | 0

#190076 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 2:11

ive done that!! over my friends house lolol she was on the floor crackin up i was like wwhhaatt....? ohh...FML haaha

By drlinap | 0

#261588 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 20:56

Happens to the best of us

By S600 | 0

#262027 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 22:40

This is funny