Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML
Today, I was naked, still deciding what to wear, when the doorbell rang. I grabbed the closest thing to cover up with: my Snuggie. I answered the door, it was kids asking for donations. Without thinking, I turned around to grab my purse. FML
Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML
Today, I got locked out of my house in my pajamas while trying to take the trash out. My neighbor offered to help, but only after taking a picture of me for "future laughs." FML
Today, I was trying on jeans in a store. Thinking the changing room door was locked, I stripped down to my underwear. Suddenly, an elderly woman opened the door, stepped in, and said, “Oh, I thought this was the toilet.” We locked eyes for an eternity before she backed out. I felt obligated to buy the jeans to regain some control of my life. FML
Today, I woke up in pajamas I have never seen before. Usually, I sleep naked, and I live alone in a locked apartment. Then, the elderly woman next door asked for her nightgown back. Apparently, I sleep-walked and knocked on all the doors in my hallway repeatedly. I'm moving. FML
Today, I went to open my bedroom curtains while still in my pajamas, which, in my defense, were just a very oversized T-shirt. I didn’t realize the window cleaners were outside until I heard one of them say, “Morning!” We made prolonged eye contact before I slowly closed the curtains like I was lowering the lid on my own coffin. FML
Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML
Today, I locked myself out while taking the trash downstairs. I was wearing pajamas, slippers, and a winter coat over nothing else. My neighbor offered to help, then spent ten minutes trying not to laugh while I explained that my keys were sitting on the kitchen counter. FML
Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML
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Top comments
screwtaylor 0
Your neighbor secretly liked it. They just haven't seen such a un-saggy, young penis in a long time.
24788 7
Hopefully every time you walk by her she doesn't wink and lick her lips. I would avoid that neighbor.
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Comments (141)
BriBeast 0
That's what the little button is for! ;P
UnluckyJulie 13
Somebody give this guy a medal. That was the funniest FML I've read in weeks.
sunney3 0
LMAO. that's a really good one.
bigwillydurkan 0
yeah once at hurling training i was gettin changed after, only after i pulled down my shorts i realised i was in a similar situation!
22jrdn55 15
wtf? wuts wrong with u? how culd u get horny of ur elderly neighbor? ur seriously messed up!!
bloodfalcon22 0
Whats wrong with you? You can even spell "what's" "could" or "your" right. And who said that he had a boner? His penis was coming out of the flap is all. Nobody said he was horny. Get your mind out of the gutter.
22jrdn55 15
oh im sorry if ur so retarded u cant read!! btw hw wuld his penis come out if he wasnt getting a boner? gutter? wow ur seriously retarded!!
not_you_too 0
no ur srsly rtardd!!1 Dicks fall out of flaps. It's the way they're stuck on there. It happens, and you don't need a hard-on for it. When you start sleeping with dudes you'll realise these things. Next issue: why did I create an account just to respond to this?
xXMILKYCHUNKSXx 0
I'm gald to see someone else from CT... And btw, how do you not notice that? srsly?
dackattac 0
May I use this space to initiate a movement that we lose the flaps on pajama pants? Seriously, some of us feel that the little bit of extra effort it takes to pull the elastic down to urinate is more than worth the absence of risk that we might expose ourselves to anyone we may encounter while wearing them.
nodbor 11
velcro
Ryozo_Kato 0
That is exactly how I feel..
HumansSuck 0
Are you Ken Kaniff from Konnectikut?
Wankster 0
This sounds like another FML..
ilysweetcupcake 1
can I get your can opener?