Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML
Today, I was naked, still deciding what to wear, when the doorbell rang. I grabbed the closest thing to cover up with: my Snuggie. I answered the door, it was kids asking for donations. Without thinking, I turned around to grab my purse. FML
Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML
Today, I got locked out of my house in my pajamas while trying to take the trash out. My neighbor offered to help, but only after taking a picture of me for "future laughs." FML
Today, I was trying on jeans in a store. Thinking the changing room door was locked, I stripped down to my underwear. Suddenly, an elderly woman opened the door, stepped in, and said, “Oh, I thought this was the toilet.” We locked eyes for an eternity before she backed out. I felt obligated to buy the jeans to regain some control of my life. FML
Today, I woke up in pajamas I have never seen before. Usually, I sleep naked, and I live alone in a locked apartment. Then, the elderly woman next door asked for her nightgown back. Apparently, I sleep-walked and knocked on all the doors in my hallway repeatedly. I'm moving. FML
Today, I went to open my bedroom curtains while still in my pajamas, which, in my defense, were just a very oversized T-shirt. I didn’t realize the window cleaners were outside until I heard one of them say, “Morning!” We made prolonged eye contact before I slowly closed the curtains like I was lowering the lid on my own coffin. FML
Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML
Today, I locked myself out while taking the trash downstairs. I was wearing pajamas, slippers, and a winter coat over nothing else. My neighbor offered to help, then spent ten minutes trying not to laugh while I explained that my keys were sitting on the kitchen counter. FML
Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML
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Top comments
screwtaylor 0
Your neighbor secretly liked it. They just haven't seen such a un-saggy, young penis in a long time.
24788 7
Hopefully every time you walk by her she doesn't wink and lick her lips. I would avoid that neighbor.
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Comments (141)
ScaryPants3 0
Haha she totally liked it.
hk_fml 9
Ewww. This couldve been a lot worse, she could have grabbed your penis and smiled at you seductively. And at least she didnt bitch at you or anything xD
cuts_wont_heal 0
-giggles- i bet she liked dat sht xD
angel55033 12
I believe you meant to say that shit, not dat sht we don't need to read how your terrible "gangster" spelling
Zakky_Ketchup 0
Just be thankful she didn't try to use the can opener on your penis.
alliemay 0
How does that even happen? Then again, I'm not a guy... But all you people saying she liked it are SICK.
kadeouir 0
Haha love it, cud u not feel the cold air on it tho?!
ky_stone22 0
Maybe your penis thought someone was knocking at his door? But seriously, way to represent Connecticut. Thanks, man.
spamky 7
Didn't you feel the draft on your penis?
plexico 4
It's a penis, not an anemometer!
lessthanbee 0
lol ^.^
tWitt3rBuG 0
Here's a thought: guess what she did with that can opener when she got home! Lmfao! Dude, let her keep it!
xohxcassiex13x 0
hahaha, wow. that sucks.