Miscellaneous: Today, I invited over 30 people to come to the park with me since... - FML

01/10/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I invited over 30 people to come to the park with me since the day was nice and cool. I sat there for three hours by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 317

You deserved it 5 081

Vulture

Taking stock

Masterchef 2020

19/11/2016 18:35 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I was eating lunch on my first date with a really pretty girl, when my ex shows up at the same restaurant and starts telling her how bad of a boyfriend I was. My date left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 291

You deserved it 1 463

14/09/2013 15:04 - Canada - Whitecourt

Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 365

You deserved it 3 010

30/01/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I found out that my assistant is now my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 439

You deserved it 3 070

Not now, mom

By not my idea - 27/04/2020 20:00

Today, my mom learned via Facebook that my ex is now divorced. She took this as a "sign from God" that he’s my soulmate, and took it upon herself to try to set us up. Not only have I not talked to this fool since we broke up in high school, I’m not sure who’s more pissed off, me or my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 427

You deserved it 115

08/10/2010 05:23 - United States

Today, my husband pooped the bed for the second time since we've been married. We've been married a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 784

You deserved it 5 436

Right place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 20/03/2020 00:01

Today, as I'd been going to a gym with my wife as a guest on her account, I joined as a regular member. However, before I had time to go under my own membership, the gym closed down due to the coronavirus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 222

15/05/2010 18:01 - United States

Today, I am severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 173

You deserved it 36 341

06/07/2012 17:44 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 273

You deserved it 4 742

08/07/2016 21:19

Today, 5 months after doing a shoot for a stock photo site, someone finally used one of my photos. In an article about meth abuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 240

You deserved it 1 159

29/01/2014 03:09 - Canada - Merritt

Today, I had an oral English exam to present in front of three teachers. Halfway through, I completely lost my voice. They failed me because they thought I was trying to play a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 730

You deserved it 3 798

07/01/2011 02:59 - United States

Today, after lifting a 20 pound box of oranges for a woman at work, she turned around to say "Your acne needs help." I still had to tell her to have a good day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 085

You deserved it 2 913

20/11/2015 19:48 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 128

You deserved it 2 516

Had any calls lately?

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 06:00

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 1 299

04/11/2012 00:37 - United States - Danby

Today, I realized that I'm a terrible human being. For the first time in my life, I gave some change to a homeless guy, but only so he'd get out of my face long enough for me to watch two other bums beating the crap out of each other over a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 437

You deserved it 34 539

16/12/2014 19:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 784

You deserved it 8 022

NParents represent!

By Familyvisits - 31/08/2021 08:01 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, my parents have been whining about me spending a weekend there, so I did. I have severe IBS and sent them the list of foods I can eat 2 weeks ago when I told them I was coming. They had no food in the house that I could eat without getting sick, and got offended when I didn’t eat or tried to buy my own food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 86

15/10/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished she said "You're so funny" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 565

You deserved it 6 399

25/05/2019 06:13

Today, I called in sick to my job. I'm already on shaky ground there, but I was honestly sick. I happened to call in during the mandatory departmental meeting. Apparently, I was supposed to go in a half-hour early. I called in thirty minutes late, during a required meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 1 044

01/10/2010 07:39 - Malaysia

Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 361

You deserved it 22 335

27/12/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, I walked into my elderly grandmother's trailer, used the bathroom and went to wash my hands. She had a soft spot in the floor that she covered with a bathmat. I fell through. Right leg up to my hip in the floor, boobs stuck on the counter. My husband and grandmother stood there laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 828

You deserved it 3 120

26/04/2012 04:36 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 873

You deserved it 2 673

Wakey wakey

By fuuuuck - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a big presentation to do at work, so I got up early and ran myself a bath. I woke up three hours later, extremely late, and still in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 301

You deserved it 25 123

05/07/2015 05:42 - United States - Tampa

Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 463

You deserved it 2 523

02/06/2009 07:55 - United States

Today, I was in Walmart with my mom. I was looking for some CDs I wanted and saw a cute guy. Then he nodded at me and as he started to walk towards me, I hear my name being called over the intercom. Apparently, according to my mom, it was time to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 386

You deserved it 4 176

07/12/2010 02:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says "ewwww smells like fish." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 665

You deserved it 16 922

25/12/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I waited anxiously until midnight to open my Christmas presents. As the clock struck midnight, I ran out into the living room, super-excited to open them, only to discover that everyone in our house had already opened theirs, and had all gone to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 919

You deserved it 5 452

08/10/2015 11:53 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 919

You deserved it 1 886

28/05/2016 13:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was so tired, I passed out at work in the middle of a call. All because my neighbor's car alarm kept going off every 3 minutes all through the morning. It was still going when I left for work. If you see a news story in a few days about a whole neighborhood beating a guy to death, that's probably us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 349

You deserved it 1 307

23/11/2009 05:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was feeling a little racy and decided to send my boyfriend some naked pictures of myself. He responded, "That's OK, but does your face have to be in them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 789

You deserved it 4 927

12/03/2016 05:29 - United States - Bronx

Today, I was using the urinal at work when an old guy started using the one next to mine. All of a sudden, he used that Ghostbusters' line, "Cross the streams!", and tried to pee into my urinal. I had to wait 4 hours in pee-drenched shoes until my shift was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 776

You deserved it 1 282

08/06/2015 13:35 - United States - Mundelein

Spicy

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 228

You deserved it 5 296

14/02/2009 22:49 - United States

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 529

You deserved it 3 098

20/11/2014 15:23 - United States - Tracy

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 920

You deserved it 3 192

02/09/2010 18:10 - United States

Today, I went to the bookstore. While I was in line, I heard everyone talking about how a book cart had gotten loose and rolled down the parking lot into a car, smashing the front. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 076

You deserved it 2 215

29/10/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I had a serious conversation with my dad about my brother and I. It started with, "I love you", and ended with, "You and your brother were mistakes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 062

You deserved it 2 824

17/07/2016 19:56

Today, I was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend while the rest of my family goes to Cuba. Her neighbor started hitting on me. As it turns out, "he" was actually born as a "she", and now I'm apparently a transphobic bitch for not being interested. Two more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 026

You deserved it 998

Fishy anxiety

By Guaranteed my ar*e - 15/11/2020 23:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I'm waiting for some live fish to be delivered for my tank. They were guaranteed by 1 p.m., so I took the morning off work. I've been unable to concentrate and have bee jumping every time a car door slams, so anxious to get them. It's now 4 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 157

Make your minds up

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 08:04

Today, I was told I was negative for Covid, so I went to buy wine to celebrate. Two hours later, I got a call again, saying I was positive and placed under quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 213

18/05/2012 15:05 - United States - Billings

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 946

You deserved it 5 323

10/06/2013 05:09 - Australia - Aspley

Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 907

You deserved it 5 223

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Top comments

f_alltheirlives 3

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Thursday 1 October 2009 12:55

Are you the homeless guy sitting in the park I pass on the way to work, always mumbling "Where are mah 30 friends... I invited abuch m-sure" and drinking cheap beer from a paperbag?

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Thursday 26 August 2010 11:44

no, that was me

Comments

f_alltheirlives 3

Send a private message

Thursday 1 October 2009 12:55

Are you the homeless guy sitting in the park I pass on the way to work, always mumbling "Where are mah 30 friends... I invited abuch m-sure" and drinking cheap beer from a paperbag?

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Thursday 26 August 2010 11:44

no, that was me

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Thursday 1 October 2009 12:57

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Thursday 1 October 2009 13:13

YDI for not being likable or for having a broken phone and not knowing.

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Thursday 1 October 2009 13:19

well most people probably go to the park when its nice and HOT :P

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Thursday 1 October 2009 13:20

Well, you know what to do when you're at a park! Drink near a 4 year old's party. I think we found the full story.

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Thursday 1 October 2009 13:43

The weather WAS gorgeous yesterday... super-rare in Florida. I would have sat with you. :(

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Thursday 1 October 2009 21:19

aww..TOTAL pity post^^

jw90 18

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Thursday 1 October 2009 13:50

OP is exaggerating it was probably more like three friends. YDI for waiting that long.

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Thursday 1 October 2009 14:07

YDI for not making sure your friends were coming or picking them up.

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Thursday 1 October 2009 14:09

Sending a text message and/or a Myspace bulletin does NOT constitute "inviting" people.

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:02

Agreed, or doing a facebook event thing. Had you CALLED them, you would know they would not be showing up, OP

NikkiFlysKites 8

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:09

How would a text message not count as inviting a person? If it was a mass that said "Hey, I'm at the park" then I can understand, but not if they say "Want to hang out with me at the park?"

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Thursday 1 October 2009 14:21

Yes, but Mrs. Johnson's 3rd Grade class decided to decline the invitation of the creepy guy that was lurking just outside the schoolyard fence. Good call, kids.

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Thursday 1 October 2009 15:08

lol, classic! you always come up with funny one-liners! :) OP: i'm so sorry. :(

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 34

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 104