Love: Today, I invited my crush to come and spend thanksgiving dinner... - FML

By lonelyguy - 28/11/2009 03:02 - Puerto Rico

Today, I invited my crush to come and spend thanksgiving dinner with me and my family, she agreed but asked me if she could bring her friend. Turns out her "friend" was actually her boyfriend and they drank all the expensive wine I bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 755

You deserved it 8 027

Our house, in the middle of our street

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Dysfunctional

By well damn - 29/02/2016 22:17 - United States - Columbus

Today, I helped my mom put away my baby sister's clothes. She's only a week old and has around 60 outfits. I have 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 889

You deserved it 1 823

By Lionman - 05/04/2012 05:11 - United States - Ann Arbor

Spicy

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 210

You deserved it 2 710

By EastOneTen - 06/10/2012 07:28 - United States

Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 245

You deserved it 3 498

By Skyhopee - 24/12/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because I'm too "high maintenance" during the holidays. Not to worry, though; he's willing give me another chance sometime after Valentine's day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 922

You deserved it 6 271

By tkr - 06/02/2012 03:14 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 908

You deserved it 39 812

By notyourmom - 11/06/2013 12:00 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom has a full bush and he always thought it looks better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 618

You deserved it 7 712

By MisterSeth - 17/06/2009 01:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend sent me a naked picture of herself and I wish she hadn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 855

You deserved it 79 347

By RickTooBomb - 05/10/2016 15:23 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I was working as a valet when an old guy came up and wanted us to park his car. He said he had an accident. We looked in the car and saw poop all over the seat. We still had to park the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 695

You deserved it 804

(facepalm)

By Anonymous - 06/02/2018 15:00

Today, while working roadside assistance, I arrived to a bewildered client who couldn't find their spare tire. The vehicle in question was a Jeep. I pointed out the spare, but was corrected as "that's just for decoration." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 876

You deserved it 287

By Steve - 16/12/2012 06:25 - United States - Oshkosh

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 661

You deserved it 18 271

By poseidon5213 - 17/05/2012 22:02 - United States - Inglewood

Today, I started my job as one of those sign spinners. About an hour later, some people drove up, yelled, "Bitch, get off my corner," and threw water balloons at me. My boss made me keep working in the soaking wet outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 958

You deserved it 2 615

By TheNewSalesRep - 21/01/2016 02:37 - Canada - Brantford

Today, on my second day at my new job, my supervisor told me that I was ready to make a sale on my own. Things were going well, until said supervisor interrupted my sales pitch, apologized on my behalf for being new, and stole my sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 339

You deserved it 1 352

Mixology

By fml9124 - 22/10/2020 02:00 - United States

Today, my wife is out of town on business. So I got drunk. Really drunk. Felt like swimming around midnight (we live in Arizona). Jumped in the pool… and forget how to swim. Too uncoordinated, I almost drowned. Then I threw up in the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 2 335

By banana - 04/02/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 989

You deserved it 8 673

Don't listen to Cosmo

By FMBs - 30/04/2014 23:40 - Puerto Rico - Guaynabo

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 615

You deserved it 7 179

By ohIlike - 15/09/2009 12:10 - Australia

Today, after thirteen years of engagement, my fiancé and I split. As is, with the day, we changed our facebook relationships to make it official. I logged back on tonight to find his mother, the woman I've spent the last year looking after and having a good time, 'liking' the break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 872

You deserved it 7 528

Waiting for that special someone

By foreveralone - 10/07/2020 17:04

Today, just like at every gynecologist's appointment in the last 5 years, I had to yet again explain that no, I'm not a virgin at 27 because I'm waiting till marriage, I'm just a loser that no-one wants to sleep with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 193

By Anonymous - 08/07/2016 22:09

Today, my boss reprimanded me for a huge screw-up that he was responsible for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 723

You deserved it 830

By screwed - 19/11/2009 03:31 - United States

Today, my dad came home from Vegas. Today, my college savings account is down by $64,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 086

You deserved it 3 181

By thyella87 - 21/08/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, my hours got cut because I couldn't make it into work when they called me in. Why couldn't I make it in? I was in an interview for a better job. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 675

You deserved it 18 012

By superpissed - 07/12/2016 13:07 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, I went for a trial shift somewhere perfect for me to work. I knew loads about the place and how they worked. The trial shift went really well. Not even 2 hours after my shift, they rung to tell me I'd lost out to someone who swore at a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 315

You deserved it 576

By PoopTart - 29/04/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 090

You deserved it 14 776

By Oh... - 26/07/2019 16:00 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 510

You deserved it 223

Unhygienic or he's a natural hunter-gatherer

By Anonymous - 03/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found my missing wedding band inside my 2-year old's pull up. It was accompanied by two coins, a Hot Wheels car, a pebble, and a dead bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 265

Alexa, play "Leave Me Alone" by New Order

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I noticed that the longer I work from home, the more inclined my mother is to interrupting it every five or ten minutes. She says I can stay online late to make it a full 8 hours, but then gets mad when I actually do so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 110

By taintedlover - 13/05/2014 21:31 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 036

You deserved it 7 539

By Anonycock - 06/01/2016 17:15 - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 765

You deserved it 3 881

Bad choice of material, dude

By screwed - 11/03/2020 23:00

Today, I told my on and off girlfriend as a joke that I stalked her two years ago. She didn't believe me. When I say she didn't believe me, I mean she didn't believe it was a joke. FM

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 1 673

Corkscrew

By Anonymous - 05/05/2021 15:01 - United States - Carson City

Today, I used a menstrual cup for the first time. I couldn't get it out, after what seemed like ages of trying. I had to ask my boyfriend to help me. He'll never look at me the same way again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 164

By meyo555 - 02/06/2011 09:45 - United States

Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 207

You deserved it 4 759

By Anonymous - 06/05/2016 16:55 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, my dad and I ran into a guy I've been dating. He flipped out and accused me of cheating on him. This is now the second guy to have a similar reaction to my dad. I guess this is one of those unexpected consequences of teen pregnancy that my parents didn't see coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 298

You deserved it 1 442

Unloveable

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 23:01

Today, I was paired up with a girl in my class for a project. She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 73

By Hannah - 04/03/2012 20:46 - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 936

You deserved it 31 617

By Anonymous - 10/08/2013 04:41 - United States - Greeley

Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 656

You deserved it 6 862

By Name - 11/07/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 555

You deserved it 56 047

By toothbreaker - 21/08/2019 16:00

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend when I accidentally kneed him in the chin and chipped his front tooth. I broke his real tooth, as well as the fake part from when he chipped it ten years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 246

By snarly1 - 06/12/2011 08:57 - United States

Today, my boss asked me what language I was speaking. I was clearly speaking English, but apparently, "indifferent" is too big a word for him to understand. I don't know how he got into a management position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 765

You deserved it 2 091

By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 23:39 - United States - South Gate

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me over Facebook. Unfortunately, she "accidentally" posted it on my wall instead of sending me a message, so the whole world could see it. My mom liked her post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 182

You deserved it 3 899

By StupidJob - 01/09/2016 23:23 - United States - Batavia

Today I was home sick from work because my doctor gave me a new pill that made me throw up violently. My boss called. I thought she was checking on me. She fired me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 818

You deserved it 834

The pits

By stinkypits - 23/06/2020 14:00

Today, I started six weeks of radiation on my left axillary region. Besides not being able to shave my armpit, I also can’t use lotion of any kind near the area, nor wear deodorant. This wouldn’t be a problem except it’s summer and I live in Southern California. The sweat is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 326

You deserved it 100

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Top comments

alexandraa_fml 0

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Saturday 28 November 2009 9:09

Hopefully your taste in wine is better than your taste in women.

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Saturday 28 November 2009 9:07

Falcon punch her.

Comments

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Saturday 28 November 2009 9:07

Falcon punch her.

LightningCactus 12

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Monday 23 January 2012 10:16

Then Falcon Kick the boyfriend because he would most likely try to fight back.

PeopleRSoDumb 0

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Saturday 28 November 2009 9:08

Always question who "the friend" is. YDI it for not knowing how females work.

alexandraa_fml 0

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Saturday 28 November 2009 9:09

Hopefully your taste in wine is better than your taste in women.

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Saturday 28 November 2009 9:12

I don't get this story. How could you not feel weird celebrating thanksgiving with your boyfriend at SOMEONE ELSE'S house? Like... o_O'

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Saturday 28 November 2009 16:33

Because they just want free food... and wine

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Sunday 5 January 2014 7:39

My question is how come OP didn't know that she had a boyfriend? you think that he would have known whether she was single or not before he invited her

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Saturday 28 November 2009 9:12

I wouldn't let someone invite a friend to my family dinner. WTF is wrong with her for thinking that would be ok? I've never done a thanksgiving thing, but I assume it's a very family orientated thing so where's her family? :/

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Saturday 28 November 2009 11:51

YDI didn't you wonder think it was weird to ask to bring a friend to someone else's family holiday meal. and also YDI for "crushing" and of course not letting the cruise know it. Has the internet scared people so much that no one will tell if they are interested.

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Saturday 28 November 2009 9:15

What did you expect them to do with the wine... take enemas with it?

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Saturday 28 November 2009 9:18

you should have bought more

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Saturday 28 November 2009 9:23

You're an idiot for having a crush and not knowing they have a BF. and when she asked to bring someone. tell he FUCK NO. you asked her. That's supposed to be your chance you douche. totally deserved it

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Saturday 28 November 2009 9:25

I personally think it's weird that you invited your CRUSH to thanksgiving with your family. isn't that usually saved for when you're actually dating/married?

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Saturday 28 November 2009 9:28

And that's the reason why, whenever you invite women you like, you never let them bring friends.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 27

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 146