Miscellaneous: Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish... - FML

By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 07:04 - United States

Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 864

You deserved it 2 596

BO Central

Animal lover

Ungrateful

Chill out, dude

By Anonymous - 01/02/2017 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was lectured about how emotionally immature I am by someone who, afterwards, promptly threw a chair out of anger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 076

You deserved it 535

By swaiteATC - 28/07/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 218

You deserved it 2 639

By blargh - 03/10/2013 17:39 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 991

You deserved it 4 026

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 09:25 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while driving on the motorway, I sneezed so hard my contacts popped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 891

You deserved it 1 417

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I lost my job because I was doing my work too quickly, getting too much done and the supervisor was afraid I was bored. I have only been here for 3 weeks and already had the best stats on the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 727

You deserved it 2 364

By misc - 08/06/2011 17:52 - Netherlands

Today, while in Holland, I lost the bag with my passport, debit and credit cards, license, and camera. I froze my accounts and filled out the paperwork for a new passport. My bag was found the second time I went to the police, with everything in it. Now my accounts are frozen for the 3 weeks I'm here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 728

You deserved it 7 215

By why me?? - 07/08/2013 04:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was leaving my friends' apartment in my mom's car and I backed into a fire hydrant. I lied and told my mom it was a hit and run. So she called the apartment complex. They had me on video hitting the fire hydrant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 047

You deserved it 59 515

By lageste - 20/11/2008 04:37 - France

Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 120

You deserved it 5 286

By honutattoo - 19/12/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, I finally came home from a semester of college, and all my parents and sister can talk about is how bad my acne has gotten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 920

You deserved it 3 062

By BooBabe - 04/06/2012 23:50 - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of a lot of people. Once I said yes, some guy yelled out, "SEX. SEX. SEX." My boyfriend yelled back, "LATER!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 863

You deserved it 6 789

By LGFLIPSTER - 31/08/2009 03:32 - Canada

Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 651

You deserved it 6 537

By hobosarea-holes - 14/08/2010 23:10 - United States

Today, I picked up a penny off the street for good luck on my job interview. A few seconds later, a hobo beat me up, took my wallet, and ran off. The whole ordeal made me late for the interview. So much for good luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 176

You deserved it 3 743

Never trust Facebook

By sad - 01/10/2020 16:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I left a gift on my colleague's desk, with a note saying I liked him. He brought it over and handed it back, and told me he's married. His Facebook says he is single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 573

By Michele - 18/01/2010 00:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 031

You deserved it 4 008

By duuuuude - 17/04/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 899

You deserved it 23 235

By atalose - 06/03/2017 07:00 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, my college professor said that anyone who misses the final next week automatically fails, "even if their grandmother died." My grandmother, the woman who raised me, died last night and her funeral is next week. Same day as the final. Across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 376

You deserved it 358

By married to a nerd - 07/06/2018 20:30

Today, I asked my 4-year-old daughter where her father went. She said, "Out to have fun with Zoe." Acting on suspicion, I followed him and did a stakeout. Hours later, I barged in and caught him playing Dungeons and Dragons. "Zoe" is the female wizard he plays as. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 3 909

Big boomer energy

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 20:06

Today, my father-in law-shared his opinion that autistic kids should be beaten until they act normal. He saw fit to share this while my autistic son was having a meltdown because my father-in-law came to the house without warning, and my son violently hates visitors without prior warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 332

You deserved it 243

By iceman123432 - 02/09/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 063

You deserved it 4 221

By Jessie - 22/08/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 773

You deserved it 286

By asparagus piss - 19/10/2012 17:05 - United States - Tifton

Today, after having loaned my girlfriend money after she claimed to be broke and unable to pay her rent and electricity bills, she went out, spent it all on a new purse and phone, and now refuses to pay me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 679

You deserved it 6 587

By ohno - 25/03/2012 13:11 - United States - East Stroudsburg

Spicy

Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 585

You deserved it 2 942

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 20:33 - Canada

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant. He laughed and said, “April Fools, right?” then left the room, still laughing like it was the dumbest thing ever. Tomorrow's April Fools day. I really am pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 488

You deserved it 4 274

How could you?

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 02:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I saw the Steelers throw the game to the Browns. I get it, you don't want to go to the Superbowl, but could you try being more realistic than staged wrestling? FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 669

By NotAnUglyBaby - 22/03/2016 22:40 - Mexico - C?rdoba

Today, while vacationing, a small boy asked to see the baby I was holding, wrapped in a blanket. I showed him, and his face reflexively scrunched up. The boy's mother came and apologized to me. Her face scrunched up too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 282

You deserved it 1 899

By okaythen6 - 09/12/2009 11:13 - United States

Today, I showed up on set for a film that I booked a role in weeks ago. At the time of the audition, the script was being rewritten, so today I was so excited and eager to be told what my role would entail. When they handed me the script, my character was described as a fat, ugly, awkward girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 135

You deserved it 5 039

By gross - 20/10/2010 16:14 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed with a pedestal fan on facing us when my boyfriend sneezed. Where did he sneeze? Into the fan, which then sprayed it all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 229

You deserved it 3 952

Very smart

By Leauge - 28/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I woke up to find out my house was robbed. He didn't steal anything of value, but he stole my beer, dog, and cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 339

You deserved it 281

Snitches get bitches

By d for vendetta - 21/04/2021 23:00

Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 217

By Anonymous - 01/08/2011 04:28 - United States

Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 102

You deserved it 5 758

By muffins69 - 18/09/2010 02:34 - United States

Today, I untied the rope that was tied to my dog's collar because it was wrapped around the tree choking him. He immediately ran off down the street. I had to chase him barefoot in my boxers for 20 minutes till he got tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 466

You deserved it 9 507

By needanewphone - 22/01/2012 22:03 - United States

Today, while I was getting ready to take a shower, I placed my phone on the counter next to the toilet. While I was washing my hair, someone called me. My phone was on vibrate, so I didn't hear it until it vibrated off the counter and into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 888

You deserved it 32 246

By Pooper scooper - 28/01/2014 08:22 - Guam - Yigo

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 582

You deserved it 5 623

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 05:02

Today, my boss keeps pointing out similarities between his wife and me. I genuinely dislike her, and have feelings for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 945

By coop42 - 15/01/2014 19:22 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 030

You deserved it 6 060

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 20/11/2021 00:58 - Kenya

Today, my crush started uploading pictures and writing sweet messages about a girl on her status, so I assumed that she was into girls, and lost all hope. Turns out that the girl in question had passed away, and she was remembering her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 972

Major red flag

By Karissa - 24/08/2021 10:01

Today, I confronted my boyfriend about him and his female friend’s friendship making me uncomfortable. He responded by throwing the mother of all fits and punching a hole in the wall. He said I have to pay for the repair, because I "made him do it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 129

By madison77 - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, my engagement ring was seized by the police, and my fiancé was arrested on larceny charges. Both in the same visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 437

You deserved it 3 027

By CheeseyPotatoes - 11/04/2011 13:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 669

You deserved it 73 398

By theuglyfriend - 17/07/2012 06:09 - United States - Riverbank

Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 655

You deserved it 3 691

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Top comments

flashback.miss 28

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 11:48

Your grandmother sounds fun XD

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 11:55

Go grandma!! Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional :)

Comments

flashback.miss 28

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 11:48

Your grandmother sounds fun XD

michaelaranda 28

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 13:37

Op sounds even more awesome. Drinking with your grandmother? Now thats just badass.

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 17:46

grandma knows how to party!!

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 7:55

She sounds cool as shit!!

BlueMoonCafe 12

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 11:49

At least she still knows how to have fun!

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 11:53

Your grandmother got so wasted that she left her dentures at a bar. She is a party ANIMAL! But seriously though if she's having fun, what's wrong with it? Enjoy your grandmother, maybe you both can go bar-hopping sometime

KatieMajestic 17

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 11:54

1, What is up with your profile picture?

RainbowDashie140 12

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:21

A word of advice, don't ask that kind of stuff in the comments. Use the messaging system.

vucui 21

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 12:22

Did you know your soul leaks out of your pupil? That's what seems to be going on. But no, seriously, it looks like they used grape jelly to make an interesting picture. Seems to have worked since it caught your eye.

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 14:23

I'm pretty sure they originally said it was a leech, but it does sort of look like grape jelly like he said above.

jasmine2301 25

Tuesday 10 September 2013 14:41

Or #4 simply could have used the reply button, but still would have been thumbed down.

skellingtonfart 18

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 11:55

Oh, the last time my grandma took her teeth out, it absolutely scarred my little sister so she no longer does funny stuff like that, be glad your granny has a good sense of humour, there's nothing worse than meeting a sour old woman!

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 11:55

She parties harder than I do.

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 11:55

Go grandma!! Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional :)

purebliss_fml 19

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 11:56

Grandma knows how to party!

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 11:58

She sounds like a cool granny. I had a gran who was pretty fantastic and cool. I'm glad I knew her :)

MoronsAccount1 12

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Tuesday 10 September 2013 11:59

Forever young.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 53

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 41

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 103