Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML
Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML
Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML
Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML
Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
Today, while my orthodontist was working on my teeth, she made the comment, "Wow! It looks like a murder scene in there!" FML
Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML
Today, while at the hospital recovering from surgery, I overheard my doctor tell one of the nurses I'm so fat I could start a grease fire if left near an open flame. They thought I was still unconscious. I wasn't. FML
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth worked on. I got tongue-tied and instead of asking if they could anesthetize me, I accidentally asked if they could euthanize me. FML
Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML
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Top comments
Everyday_Galaxy 14
In medical school he worried about passing as a surgeon, but he made the cut. That was bad.
DocBastard 38
To answer your question: NO. IT WASN'T ME. (but I've totally said almost this exact thing)
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Comments (119)
SierraSasha 8
Ouch
justtheotherguy 12
Hahaha.. He wasn't kidding, If you were Larry David (from curb your enthusiasm) you would've made a whole new season.. Enjoy while you still alive, wouldn't be long though
Raum 19
You should have said something to his higher-up. Even though it was most likely a joke, it was a horribly unprofessional thing to say, and whoever is in charge needs to make it clear that it is unacceptable to make patients uncomfortable or worried for their safety. This isn't about OP needing to get a sense of humour, this is about the surgeon needing to understand that there is a time and place for dark jokes.
shank39 12
He was probably joking with his nurse. The fact that you are alive.. Proves it..
Mimi12589_fml 10
Or.. the doctor has a crush on the pretty nurse and he wanted to make her laugh with no funny doctor jokes.. You may have helped him to get laid !
MymB612 14
Oh my god, sue-happy people, learn to take a joke...
loawe 10
pretty sure that most, if not all doctors, that you'd come across would have a sick or twisted sense of humor. they chose to become doctors over anything else after all
badams92 5
File a suite and never go back to them.
Huddisher 10
I would get whoever is in charge of them. Holy.
grumpy94533 11
Scary